He just called because him and his new girlfriend are dopesick. Lucky for me it's the end of the month and I have nothing to loan him. I asked him to get help and he said they were going to detox but can't get in until Monday and needs something till then. He knows I get it. He even wanted me to ask my husband knowing how he feels about drugs. I told him he was at work and I would call when he got home. Sure I would. He calls me back a few minutes later so he got the money somewhere, but now he wants a ride to go get it!!! I told him I'm sorry that is not good for my sobriety. He said you only have to drop me off a block away. I know he doesn't get it and is only thinking of himself but I hung up and burst into tears. I could tell he was mad. I know I did the right thing for me but I feel awful. Not to mention I just started a taper yesterday. Now he got the cravings started. I can just imagine how they would be had I taken him. I wish I had someone I could call who gets it.
Sorry that was a little confusing he wanted to borrow money. I wish I had a sponsor of knew someone in the program as I really need to talk to someone and there is no one! The bad thing is on Monday I don't even have my normal group, they Picked me to be in the patient advocacy group. That is great but I'm in crisis. I don't know where to turn and this place isn't what it was either. Arghhh!!!!
Thanks for the help! I'm so glad this is not the same group I came to six months ago looking for help or I may not be clean six months. It's so nice to know there is no help in a crisis. I'm out of here.
I'm sorry @DoxyMom I wish I knew how to help. Dont let people steal your joy. I honestly would lose all those old numbers if they could possibly be triggers for you they dont sound like a very good friend to do that to you.
My friends would never even bring up drugs around me because they knew I had triggers they would never ask to borrow money and give them a ride to the dope house.
@DoxyMom my inbox is always open,yeah I am struggling a bit right now but that doesn't mean I can't relate or I don't understand. I do care about you even though I have come off as an asshole a few time's. I pray your cravings piss off and you can relax once again
I was in a crisis for a few days, I'm blocking that asshole's number. He cares only about himself. I was not in danger of a relapse only I felt out of control with no one to call who would understand how I felt. After I hung up the phone I burst into tears and just had a hard time getting it together. Part of it is I've been going along just fine and that happened and I think it scared me and pissed me off and I felt like I had no one to turn to. I was able to talk to Josh on Monday, thanks buddy and I'm ok now.
I'm glad your doing better now. I hate there is people out there so selfish they cant think of anything but themselves. I admit I used to be like that though I'm glad I have changed.
@Onceaddicted77 see, I wasn't like that when I was using, I didn't screw people over or steal from them, the only person I hurt was myself and my husband. I've owned up to him what I've done and he has forgiven me. I may have begged for **** while sick but I never lied or not cared about someone else to get it and if I knew they were sober and trying to stay that way I would never ask them for what he did. That is just me I guess.
Yea I mostly just took advantage of people I loved. I never had to steal or lie always was a functioning drug addict, but i look back and realize that i wasnt a very good person. I was upfront and truthful about my drug use I didmt care what people thought. I didnt care to goto family events or make time for my relationships didnt go to funerals etc. I was selfish I only cared about what I wanted or cared about. I'm lucky no very lucky my wife stayed with me all this time.
I stole 16 dollars from my grandpa once. That's the only theft I've done. I cannot describe how badly I wish I could take that back. Or him,see me sober at least. I just sold my prescriptions at ridiculously high prices to people when they were needing it so bad they were willing to pay. I feel really bad about the way I did some people.
Missed funerals- yeah, I know that feeling. Now that I've remembered all this I know im not gonna be craving those drugs like I was afraid of. I was awful.
I hear ya brother. Pretty much anytime I hear someone refer to,"that guy", is something derogatory. And I sure for the description. Never going back there. I think that's why I panicked and threw out the pills on the road-i don't litter, having this farm makes me respect nature- at that point all that mattered was getting that oxy out of my truck. Because if I have oxy....I'm "that guy". And even last night when I was super high (I don't remember this well) I plugged my tv back in and watched "movies"- again "that guy". It makes me someone I hate. And I can't live in a body that I hate. Hating myself is a contradiction to my life in itself. And it took me a long time to realize that. I woke up this morning feeling really down but I'm glad you guys were here to talk to i feel much more secure. Now I just gotta get to work. But ill pop on throughout the day.