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I'm Surrounded by Negativity

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by jeremy2092, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. jeremy2092

    jeremy2092 Member

    I feel like I am surrounded by negativity all of the time. I am trying to recover from being an alcoholic, but I feel like everybody is weighing me down. How do you deal with all of the negative coworkers and family members that you can't get rid of like you can friends from the old life?
  2. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    It's tough turning your back on people or things we had a connection with in the past. The best way to deal with them is simply ignore them. If you see a text from an old friend just pretend you never read it. If you receive a call from a negative coworker, let the machine go to voice mail. Disregard them and they'll eventually stop bothering you. Eventually, you'll be able to move on with your life.
    kassie1234 likes this.
  3. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think @imperivm1 said it well - ignoring is a good solution for those that are more difficult to get rid of, that you can't just cut out of your life. Have you had an open and frank discussion with the family members/coworkers in question? It's hard to do, I know -- but sometimes you need to be completely black and white with people, no shades of grey involved. I would honestly say "look - I'm recovering - I NEED your support. I can't put up with negativity, or enabling, or anything like that, and if you can't help me with that then I can't be around you right now".

    A tough situation to be in - I've only experienced that negativity from friends, not family or coworkers, and I just cut the (so called) friends from my life.
    imperivm1 likes this.
  4. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    You need to tell them how you feel. The most important thing you need to address and point is that if they are not helping you, then they are contributing to the problem. If they are not going to support you, then the least they can do is not be verbally negative. Honesty is the best policy.
  5. adfnio

    adfnio Community Champion

    As Josh just pointed out, tell then what's going on, and how you feel. If they are not on board then the least the can do is leave you alone. If they continue to be asses, then you know they don't really care about you.
  6. kana_marie

    kana_marie Community Champion

    It would come across wrong if I said to rub their faces in your success. But I can't think of any other way to say it. Let them see you being clean and sober, and you being strong and successful. I think some times people arent convinced that we cleaned up. They just need to see it for themselves
  7. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    That is a hard situation. Your family, friends and coworkers are pulling you down. I think that is really terrible. If they truly love and care for you, they won't make you feel bad, they would always try to encourage and motivate you.
  8. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think pretty much everyone would advise you to ignore all the people that have a negative influence towards you. If you cut them out of your life, then you won't have to deal with their negativity. If you can move, then much better.
  9. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    Don't let them harsh your mellow. I am the master of the smile and nod technique when met with a bunch of negative bs I don't want to hear. Some people are also just trying to vent so let them get it out and then change the subject to something more light hearted.
  10. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    The first thing you should do is try to address how you’re feeling with these people. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past few years, it’s that a lot of people just don’t communicate effectively (even I’m not great at it, but I’m making an effort to be better), and communicating is really the only way you’ll ever get what you need/want. And even then sometimes you don’t. If that’s the case, then you have free reign to ignore them.
  11. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
    - Maya Angelou


    Since you can't get rid of those around even though their negativity affects you you should change your attitude towards them. Imagine you are the hero in your story and everyone else who is not with you is a villain. Would you let them win? Of course not. Since you won't get support from your family or co-workers view them as you would a potential enemy. Everything barb the enemy uses against you, use it to strengthen your resolve to keep fighting [the addiction] even harder so you can prove them all wrong.

    Men of sense often learn from their enemies. It is from their foes, not their friends,
    that cities learn the lesson of building high walls and ships of war. . .
    ARISTOPHANES
    amethyst likes this.
  12. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    Rainman hit the nail in the head! This is sound advice and I would really recommend you try to view people near you differently. Whenever they try to bring you down with their negativity you should have a positive response everytime.
    By doing things this way you "add a brick to your little castle" everyday and you become a much better person.
  13. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I couldn't have said it any better than rainman. You might want to examine your attitude a little closer. It's hard work in the beginning, but it gets easier as you become stronger in your positive convictions. As you gradually adopt a different way of looking at things, you will find that you attract the right kind of people and circumstances into your life that will help you even more. It's not hard to change your outlook on life, but to stay committed to it, even when things seem to get worse, is a real art.
  14. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Better to ignore those people and be focused on what you want to achieved. Avoid dealing with them as much as possible or be strong when you face them. I think most important is what you think of yourself and your determination to succeed.
  15. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    While in recovery you shouldn't remain in a place where you're surrounded by negativity, it won't help you at all, you should get isolated of negativity.
  16. run2live

    run2live Member

    I understand your situation. Some of us who have dealt with addiction take on the world's problems as our own. When we learn to differentiate between what we're responsible for handling and what we must let others handle so they, too, can grow, we find peace despite what's going on around us.

    When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed by negativity around you, pause in the moment and ask yourself whether the negative emotions are yours or have anything to do with you. If they aren't or they don't, greet the negativity with love and know it's not yours to handle. We can't choose our family or coworkers, but we can choose whether we give them our attention and energy.