An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

In love with heroin addict

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by frustratedinlove, May 23, 2015.

  1. My girlfriend of the past few years is a heroin addict. I love her so much and want to help her get clean. She has been in and out of jail. She was clean inside but shortly after getting out she started using again. I know she lies and will do whatever she needs to do to get the money for the dope. She will disappear for days on end. I worry like hell about her say. Say I'm not going to speak with her when she decides to reappear and the I always give in.
    I know I should be stronger. I don't know how much more I can take. Do I just walk away or continue to try and help her which is probably just enabling her. I don't want to see her wind up dead but I am drained.
  2. no_way_out

    no_way_out Member

    Don't give up on her whatever you do. Even as bad as it is she needs your support. I know what she's going through cus I myself am an addict. I haven't been very long but she needs you. She's part of the game where you can try and help her but if she's not ready or doesn't want to get help then its not going to work. Heroin is one if the hardest drugs out there. && even what she is doing is bad if you leave her it could turn out worse than it is.
  3. Danyell

    Danyell Community Champion

    @frustratedinlove I myself am a heroin addict and have been for years as well. I totally understand what she is going through. Has she tried doing like an inpatient treatment program? I would highly suggest inpatient, at least to detox, if she is ready and willing. I personally really like inpatient rehabs because there are like minded people there that understand exactly what I am going through. Or maybe give her some information on suboxone maintenance. I don't know if you are familiar with it, but it is pretty awesome. Suboxone will pretty much take away the withdrawls from the heroin. How it works, is that it attaches to the opioid receptors in the brain and blocks them to where her brain won't crave opiates as bad. From my experience with it, it eases cravings of heroin, but you don't get a euphoric feeling like you would heroin. There is quite a debate on the Internet on whether or not suboxone is just as bad, if not worse than heroin. Yes, it is pretty much a prescription heroin (but you don't get high on it). I personally think that it is a good transition from heroin addiction to being completely drug free. So with suboxone maintenance you go from being addicted to heroin, to taking the suboxone, to being tapered off the suboxone when you feel comfortable. The only thing about it is that after a while of taking it, you will get withdrawls from it. But as long as you take it as prescribed, and when she is ready to lower her dose, to tell her doctor who is prescribing it and together they can figure out a plan on how the taper will go to where she won't get withdrawls. I hope she is ready to change for the better. If you need anyone to talk to or whatever, feel free to message me!!
  4. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    This is a hard choice as it looks like the relationship is in trouble, so you should see how it goes as staying in a relationship where you are constantly worrying is not good as it drains you emotionally and physically as well. You could be there as a friend, if that is one way to support her and see if she wants the help if not, then maybe leave as it can be stressful for both of you. So see if she can talk more and also try and get her family involved if possible, which may support her and also can ease the burden from you.
  5. regicide3342

    regicide3342 Member

    You need to stop that. Tell her to drop the addiction or you will drop her. How are you going to live a happy life with a drug addict? There is just no way to make that work. Take my tip and comfort her.
  6. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    regicide3342, did you mean confront?

    But yes, it's probably time an ultimatum was issued. You can't carry on like this and you have to be kind to yourself too, you know. Call it being cruel to be kind if you like, but by letting her get away with treating you like this, you are indeed enabling her.
  7. portraitofjs

    portraitofjs Member

    I definitely understand your situation and empathize with your pain. Being an addict put an immense strain on all of my personal relationships. It's true that your girlfriend really needs people to be there and offer support to her, but the other thing to consider is that she may drain you and take a terrible toll on you during this time. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to sacrifice a lot, and possibly everything, in an attempt to save her - and keep in mind that you may not be successful.

    You cannot force anyone to change. The only thing you can do is create an environment that is conducive to changing themselves. If your girlfriend doesn't truly want to change, she is not going to - and if that's the case, you should walk away now, because it will only get worse. I know that's hard to hear, but I didn't want to lie or sugar-coat it for you.
  8. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Staying with your girlfriend does not mean you have to condone her addiction. Your love must be greater than that. Your love must be proactive enough to help her change for the better. A love that condones and turns a blind eye to a loved one's self-destructive habits is not a sincere and intelligent kind of love. If you want to bring out the best of your girlfriend again, then you have to send her to treatment centers or convince her to join support groups.
    LuvHimSo likes this.
  9. Sparkster

    Sparkster Community Champion

    No offense intended but I see you offering these wise words of wisdom and praising these types of rehabilitation (which is a good thing) but at the same it makes me wonder - if these kinds of treatments really do work and are as effective as you seem to be indicating, then why is it that you're still a heroin addict? Please don't take that as any kind of personal criticism or attack on your views, that's not my intention. I've never been addicted to heroin so I'm just trying to understand how you can praise these kinds of schemes even though they clearly haven't worked for you?
  10. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Well, you do mention that you love her. When you love someone you stick with them and help them out no matter what it takes. You're probably burned-out and may need a short break from the relationship. But perhaps this may not be a good time to call for a break, it could be devastating for her and lead her further down the wrong path. Transparency is one of the most important aspects in a relationship, sit down and talk to your girlfriend about how you feel about things. And then, both of you must decide how to forge ahead and deal with the challenges.
  11. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    You have to be very careful if you are going to associate with an addict of any kind, whether it be heroin or any other drug. The mindset is one of selfishness most of the time, and they will take you down with them if they are in desperate need of a fix. You should stick by her and let her know that you are there for her, but be careful and don't forget to think of your own needs and take care of yourself at the same time. Hopefully you can convince her to get help someday.
  12. Danyell

    Danyell Community Champion

    They haven't worked for me because I am simply not ready to quit. I am still in the contemplation stage, and until I and fully ready and done with using for good, is when I can actually change. I hope that helped clear things up! Haha. The point is that if the addict isn't ready to change, or they want to change for someone else, it will not work (I can't speak for anyone else, but this has been the case in my experience and my friends too).
  13. Sparkster

    Sparkster Community Champion

    Yep, that's good enough for me! Lol. At the end of the day you cannot help someone unless they are absolutely ready to help themselves, so I can understand where you're coming from. I have another question - do you feel that it gets easier or that you make more progress each time? Or is there little difference?
  14. Danyell

    Danyell Community Champion

    @Sparkster I'm assuming your question was in regards to: going to treatment and trying to get clean and if it gets easier or make progress each time. For me, it is the opposite. I wish I would have tried my hardest the first time I went through treatment and gave it all I had to stay clean. Each time I go through a treatment center it gets significantly harder each time.
  15. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    Persistence is key! If you don't give up and keep trying, she will eventually give up and listen to you! If you give up on her, she would end up by herself with no one to look up to. Save her my friend!
  16. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    You must be prepared for the worst, and the worst is being giving her up. Now I'm not saying you should do that upfront, but take it in account. You must be strong and face the problem accordingly, because this is definitely serious. You're at crossroads: Leave her or help. I would always choose the latter as well, but please... don't drain your power if it doesn't bring any fruition whatsoever.
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    You are in a tough spot and no one else but you knows how much more you can stand this and what you are willing to do for her. If she doesn't want to be helped to quit then I don't know what you can do, other than being there for her without enabling her, which seems kinda impossible most of the times.

    You must also think about yourself and how this is affecting you, odds are she might continue to use for years, no one would blame you if you decided to walk away. After all she is an adult capable to make her own decisions, and is not your duty to stay by the side of someone who is making you feel so drained and affecting your own health. You are in a really tough spot, I wish you the best of luck! You might have to do a lot thinking and make some big decisions... I'd advice you to suggest treatment to her and see what she says.
  18. Coco6972

    Coco6972 Member

    I am in the same place after 7 years off and on I took him back after 6 months apart. During that 6 months we didn't speak I cut him out of my life but it hurt all the time. Not a day went by I didn't think about him. When I let him back into my life he was still using 145 pounds down from 200 and on the brink of death. He did ok for 30 days but for the past 3 weeks he's active again. He disappears every payday and doesn't come home all night shows up the next day a mess. Two days ago I found a girls phone number in his pocket he told me it was old and I called it and she didn't know him then the next day i was doing laundry and found a unopened condom in the wash. I confronted him and he told me he had got it when he was on the methadone clinic and he found it last week when he cleaned his car and meant to get rid of it. I kind of believe him but the past 3 paydays where he stayed out all night and didn't come home make me question if that's the truth. Is this stuff really from when we were split up or is it why he's been disappearing every weekend. Now he's taking suboxone waiting to get on the vivitrol shot and I really want to try to be supportive and move forward but I have this horrible anxiety that won't go away. In the past I would just go do something as equally as fucked up as what I suspected he was doing and then I would feel like I could move on but the person I am now is not who I once was an I've grown up from that eye for an eye mentality and now I'm just sitting with this pain fear and doubt that's eating away at me. I can't go on like this and I don't think he's done using as bad as I want him to be. I know very soon I will have to make him leave. I was close to making him go to treatment when I thought it was just drugs but now I'm wondering if he is cheating too. I'm so lost and tommorow is another pay day last week he put 5 days clean together even got thru payday then Saturday morning he got called into work and he never returned home that day not until 6am. If he does it again I'm going to through him out but if he doesn't I'm still not sure I can get past what has gone on the past 3 weeks. I haven't told anyone in my life what is going on and I'm in recovery almost a year since my last relapse and this is eating me up inside. I feel so alone and so betrayed even though I know when I got back with him this was probably going to happen. His drugs of choice alcohol crack and Heroin control his every thought his every move and I am powerless over him using agin. I just needed to get that out. I'm a recovering addict too and this is putting my recovery in jeapordy and I feel it so strong all the reasons I left for Florida last year. I'm crazy for thinking he would ever choose me over drugs crazy for putting up with this after the first weekend he disappeared I should have threw him out. But he is going to meetings and outpatient and still wants to try so I'm torn.
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2015
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Seems like you have answered your own question. Might want to read what you've written and ask yourself what you would say to someone. Might want to just make it a friendship and move on relationship wise. This way if you feel guilty you can at least offer help or an ear.
  20. Okaviator

    Okaviator Senior Contributor

    I would suggest becoming friends and moving on. Being in a relationship with a heroin addict not only can harm your lifestyle, but put you in depression.