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In need of support...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by ScreenName, Jul 20, 2015.

  1. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    Okay so I've been using prescription painkillers for probably the last 12 years. I went to rehab in 08 and relapsed shortly after. Fast forward to today. I have a great boyfriend whom I've been with for 4 years and a awesome 10yr old son. Besides my addiction, life is great. I made the decision to go to rehab and am scheduled to be admitted on the 27th of July. My boyfriend whom has had 2 back surgeries takes norco and oxys for his pain. I am prescribed 120 norCo a month which I take in a matter of 6 days. Then I proceed to steal his pills. Obviously, I know this is a problem....I just feel as if he doesn't support me and I ALWAYS feel as if I'm being judged. My concious is heavy. I know he loves me. He made a comment to me today along the lines of "Ya kno rehab starts when yr ready for it to start. It's not a date on a calendar it's a change in yr life..... " First of all I know and understand this.
    I want to be sober, more then anything else, but the agony of withdrawl is keeping me from starting now. I just wish he could understand....I don't have many friends for support and I want to be able to talk openly about my addiction with him, but I always end up feeling like a bigger piece of **** after we "talk"
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ScreenName... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us.

    My first question for you is: What are you being prescribed Norco for? Do you have chronic pain issues, too? If so, I'm wondering how you will address those issues after rehab.

    Also, if your boyfriend is taking Norco and Oxy, that could definitely make quitting a bit tougher. I would suggest that he buy a safe to lock his pills up in.

    If you have made the decision to get clean, that's all that matters. Don't let anyone else's opinion--even your boyfriend's--mess with your thinking or make you feel like crap. If you want to be sober more than anything else, then the withdrawal is a minor price to pay for it. I say you keep that appointment for the 27th of July and go for it.

    Quitting RX painkillers isn't easy. But with focus, determination, and support, it can certainly be done. We are here to support and help you in any way we can. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith!
    gracer and ScreenName like this.
  3. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    I have "chronic pain" to feed my addiction. I started taking painkillers for recreation use and found a doctor to prescribe them to me.....little did I know the demons I would be facing today. I just want to get the whole withdrawl over. It's just a matter of making it to that point. A week has never seemed so far away!
    deanokat likes this.
  4. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    His whole attitude about addiction is that you can stop whenever you want and his father was an addict so he knows what it's like. And if the prescription bottle says 4 a day then thats all you take. Fact to me is that he is addicted too. Yes he can stay within the limit of his prescription and even take less. It's not like that for everyone.
    deanokat likes this.
  5. whitenoise

    whitenoise Senior Contributor

    I think that getting sober should be now your first priority before anything else as even the relationship with your boyfriend could get worse if you keep ahead in this way. About the thing that you always feel being judged just try to be emotionally indifferent to everything that everyone says to you.
  6. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    I know it could only get worse with him. As I am the one pushing him away with my antics of being a addict. I was drawn to this forum because I feel like I can tell complete strangers my story and not feel judged. I thank you all for your kindness!
    deanokat likes this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ScreenName... We are here for you anytime you need us.
  8. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @ScreenName! :) First of all, let me thank you for coming to this forum and opening up to us.

    I commend you for deciding to enter rehab. July 27 is definitely a day to look forward to. It could be the beginning of your journey towards sobriety.

    As what @deanokat said, don't mind the opinions of other people especially if those opinions are only meant to put your spirit down. Have a strong faith in yourself and believe that you can overcome all the obstacles that will be coming your way.

    Recovering from addiction is never an easy path to take. There will be many times when you will feel like giving up because of the discomfort and pain that comes along with it. When those moments come, I want you to always remember that these moments are only small parts of the bigger and more beautiful picture that is about to be revealed to you - a life in sobriety.

    Never lose heart when you would feel so low and hopeless. Find the strength from deep within you and use it to combat all your fears and pains.

    I wish you all the luck on your upcoming rehab and I hope to be hearing updates from you soon. Have a great day ahead of you! :)
  9. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum @ScreenName and remember that what @deanokat told you is for real, do not be shy letting us know what you are going on because we are her to help one another.

    From my standpoint, your boyfriend really understand the situation and loves you, but he has a strange way to show off this. Perhaps he want you to be perfect, but perfection does not exist on earth.

    All of us have something for what we can say perfection is our quality and no matter how much we try, we are not going to achieve it. In fact, your are doing much, much more than other people in your shoes, having clarity of mind about what is going around your addiction, and accepting your failure trying to achieve sobriety.

    However I'm convinced that you can do it and, no matter if your boyfriend is open to talk about your problem, if doing it with him gets you down, better try to avoid long talking session with him, because you will always feel behind his expectations, even if he doesn't say what these are, but his attitude make you feel them.

    Besides coming here, try to find support through a local counseling service or attending a community group. keep yourself occupied by starting a hobby, reading or doing that keep your mind away of painkillers, and little by little you will recover total sobriety again.

    Chin up!
    deanokat likes this.
  10. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @ScreenName! Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story to us here. Well, deciding to get into recovery doesn't have to come from others, but it must be out of your own will. And yes, once you are ready for it, just do it. But since you are still struggling and quite hesitant about it, I guess it's just fine, we are all here to support you. Just take one step at a time.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think your bf is just really blunt, but he means well. What he said has a point, since you are the one in charge of your life, so if you want to change, then you will and no one will be able to force you. So be strong, and push through with that appointment, because that is your solution in improving your life.
  12. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    I appreciate you all taking the time to share your words of wisdom! It's good to know there are people that won't judge me by my cover. I'm not a bad person I just make really bad choices. I'm pushing through day by day and have been taking less painkillers. Have to start somewhere right! Im looking forward to the 27th. Not because it's a date on a calender, but it's a date I know I can detox safely!
  13. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Why wait till that much time? A lot is bound to happen in that time frame. I suggest you start now. Tomorrow is an illusion.
  14. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    Ya know. To me it's not an illusion. ALOT is bound to happen in what 3 days, but being a mom and stepping away from a household I run to finally be selfish and take care of myself for once is hard. For me. Maybe not anyone else. I appreciate what you may think is best for me, but this is not an illusion to me.
  15. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    I hear ya! But what I meant was that all we have is now. This very moment. Nothing is promised. Nothing guaranteed.
  16. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    I respect that. I truly do. But I'm going with the thought one's promised tomorrow, but I will not live life afraid that I may not have a tomorrow. If you worry too much about the future you won't see the present. I'm living day to day now with the thought that the days are getting closer and the mindset that my tomorrow's after that can only be brighter; because Im doing it this time for myself, on my terms and I think in the long run it will only benefit me that much more. To each his own.
  17. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I do understand that the agony of withdrawal is pretty bad but think long term. You may have to go through but sometimes people need to go through in order to get to that place where they ned to be. You can do it! Support is very well what you need.
  18. ScreenName

    ScreenName Member

    I feel you. I want to have the choice, medically speaking, to take suboxone. My intentions are to not take it, but being as how I have been taking so many pills for so long I want that option AND medical assistance to be there if needed. There my stats will be regulated for at least 3 days. I'm not a doctor nor a nurse. I dont know if I'm having a withdrawal symptom or a friggin heart attack. I have now dropped down from 20 10/325 norcos and maybe a few 15mg oxycodones a day to 2to3 10/325MG norco. I have begun the process. It is not just an illusion to me. I really like how everyone is calling me on their opinions and thoughts, this is the support I need. Thank you!
    deanokat likes this.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ScreenName... Sending you positive vibes. Keep doing the next right thing. I hope you're still scheduled to go to rehab on Monday. By focusing on your goal and working hard, you can be drug-free. I know you can!
  20. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It is a good thing that you have the desire to quit and hope that you can find more motivation to make that happen. Keep trying cause as been said several times, trying is better than doing nothing at all. Believe that it is possible to be totally free from it. :)
    deanokat likes this.