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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by L_B, Dec 11, 2015.

  1. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    My spouse will be receiving a $5000 inheritance from his late mom's estate. He was supppose to be her sole heir but she knew of his drug and alcohol addiction so she only left him $5000. Everything else went to her best friend. Her estate was estimated at a couple of million. He could have had it made had he choose to live his life differently.

    Anyway the sad part is he will be getting the money next week and I know that the entire $5000 will be spent on drugs and booze. He will be wasted until it is gone. To me that is so disrespectful because he knows his mom would not want that. This may be what finally does him in. I am not sure how Mich more his body can take.
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    His mother's decision not to leave him too much money was IMHO, wise.

    The 5K though it will all be spent on drugs won't do as much damage as all his mother's money would have done should he have got it. If you can you could try to get him to go easy on drugs. Your intervention might not have any effect on your husband but you could try . . .

    “Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”
    ― George E. Woodberry
  3. Sparkster

    Sparkster Community Champion

    I knew someone who inherited a similar amount of money which could have been more. He also had problems with drugs and alcohol and sure enough, he spent the entire amount on getting intoxicated. He started off as quite a chubby person but over the following year or two he rapidly became one of the skinniest people I have ever seen. Suffice to say, in the end he ended up inadvertently killing himself through alcohol addiction. It wasn't the actual alcohol that killed him but was an accident he had whilst under the influence. I had always known in the back of my mind that something like this was inevitably going to happen and sure enough, he is now no longer with us. It's true that money can either make you or break you.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I agree that his mom made the right decision but I really wish she hadn't left him anything. That what she thought was a small amount could end up being the death of him. There is nothing I can do. He lies to me all the time about his drinking and drug use. I know he buys drugs but he keeps saying he doesn't use drugs. I just don't know what he is buying. I know it's just not weed. He did have a cocaine addiction years ago so I think it is maybe that.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right that even a small amount be spent on drugs or his addiction rather than the necessities like foods and bills. I would agree that it was a wise decision not to give him a huge amount of money but maybe that money should have been paid for a rehab or program for him to help him with the addiction.
  6. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    Sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. Your spouse has brought it upon himself by abusing these substances, and it sounds to me like his relation with his mother was entangled beyond repair, perhaps because she couldn't help him out of it. Even 5000$ can be dangerous in the hands of an addict, so I hope he doesn't kill himself. My prayers go out to you!
  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I wasn't sure what drug he was using because he always denied his drug use. Last night after I confronted him he admitted that he has been using cocaine. Even thought I suspected it, it sure hurt to hear him confirm it. He needs to get help and he needs to do it now. His life is spiraling out of control quickly. If he doesn't get help soon I know in my heart his life won't last much longer.
  8. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Well, I must agree that not leaving him all the money was a wise decision, but let's view this from other context; if such mother was using money to manipulate his son, he was probably more immerse in addiction precisely due to this fact, and yet having a best friend receiving all like a posthumous mockery.

    Ultimately, she would donate the estate to a charitable cause or something rather than doing this that, obviously will cause the oppose situation she was expecting; having her son more into addiction that quitting, because of this last will.

    Sometimes people are starving for family love that they do not receive. I was reading about singer Karen Carpenter, whose anorexia killed her in 1983. However a recently published book talks about how having all, she had never felt any love or at least support from her mother.

    Agree that going the way he is doing will not contribute to get him having a long life ahead, but here I would give a share of blame to a mother trying to resolve an addiction issue from a money perspective.
  9. GettingBetter

    GettingBetter Senior Contributor

    Wow I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like a very stressful situation indeed! I'm too bad there was't a better solution for the inheritance and I hope you are wrong about your husband, but alas I have seen people blow through this kind of money shockingly fast. :(

    Best of luck to you and stay strong!
  10. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    Not leaving him the entire estate was a good idea but I think she probably should have more on the condition that he got sober and can prove that he has been sober for a certain amount of years. I wish could help with your situation now though. Just be strong.
  11. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Then it's time to intervene @L_B before it's too late! That may appear like a small amount than half a million but still, you can do so much with $5,000. Don't let good money go to waste. Moreover, don't let your spouse go down that path. He can still be saved. Don't be afraid to do the right thing and rescue him from himself. If you feel like you can't possibly do anything on your own, then ask help from friends, family members and other people in your circle whom you trust.
    kgord likes this.
  12. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I agree with this. His mom and him have had a strained relationship for sometime. I believe there was even a time that he stole from her while visiting her. He told me that an ex girlfriend stole from her when they were visiting but I wouldn't be surprised if it was him. His mom knew he had a problem and she tried to get him help but he refused it. He use to always be calling her looking for money and she wouldn't give it to him. It got to the point where he would call her and she wouldn't even answer her phone. It would break my heart when he would call her every holiday just to say hello and she never answered or returned his calls. Her giving her friend that money has really hurt him. He can't get past it that she only left him such a little amount. He took it as an insult and her way of mocking him, as though she had the last laugh.

    He also has nothing to with his Dad or the rest of his family. It all goes back to his addiction and him stealing from them to feed his habit. They all eventually gave up on him because he refused to get clean. He eventually did and when I met him he was clean. He was six months in and doing great but he slowly began slipping back into his old habits. I noticed money missing so I would hide my purse. If I gave him money to pay bills or fix the car he would tell me he lost it and the bills never got paid. I couldn't trust him with money.

    He has been working since September full time and I have never seen any of the money he made. He hasn't paid any bills. He gets paid one day and it is gone the next then he wants me to give him money for gas to get to work, his cigarettes and anything else he needs through the week. He had become very irritable and mean so I left but he never stopped wanting me to pay his way. The apartment he lives in, is in my name. I lived there before we got together so I still have to pay the rent, the utilities, etc. He was suppose to help with that but he never has the money to do so.

    I don't want to give up on him. I want to help and be the only person who has not walked away on him in his life but he makes it very difficult to do. When I found out about his health issues I reached out to him and I thought maybe we could work things out. I thought that is what would finally get him clean but he has only gotten worse. He takes complete advantage of me because he knows I love him and that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I try to be tough but he breaks me down. He knows how to get to me.

    We talked about him going back to his meetings, getting help and he said he would. The meeting was last night. He didn't go. He stayed home and drank instead. I am frustrated, angry, upset and sad that he won't get the help he needs. He knows what his addiction is doing to us but he won't make an effort to change things. I will keep trying but it is having an effect on me and my health too. I just don't know how much longer I can stay strong for him.
  13. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Maybe you could get an order stating he is a danger to himself or others. Or tip off the police he is using and maybe he will be arrested. You need to protect both your man and the money..This is one of the things that you can do...Or get someone he respects to give it to you...I mean...please do anything you can to keep that from going up his nose.
  14. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I don't even what to think of how my life would be if I ever decided to the the law or the police involved. It would not be good! He did tell me the other day and he would give me the money when it came in because he said himself that he would use it for drugs. He can not have any money in his pocket because that is the first place it goes. I don't know if he is sincere about giving me the money or if he is just telling me he thinks I want to hear. It could be another one of his lies. We will see!

    He told me one day that his used his cheque because he had bills to pay. He has no bills so now that I know what is going, I know its for his drugs. I have no idea how much money he owes them. He said he has been using for the last year and he just started working in September. He could still owe them money.
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2015
  15. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    There are some parents who had millions who opt or make it a choice to leave all their money to some trusted people or to some charitable foundations whom they knew that the money they will leave can be use for a good purpose and will not be wasted. And instead of leaving that big amount of money to their own family they are doing this kind of thing. I am sorry to hear that your husband had to deal with this kind of addiction problem and inheritance issues and I do hope that you can still have the courage and strength to surpass all the pains and struggles that you are going through in your life.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @L_B... Your spouse's mother made a wise decision in limiting his inheritance. But you're right: She probably should've just left him nothing. Big Money + Addicts = Big Trouble.
  17. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    This is just one of the costs from substance abuse. How devastated your husband must feel right now knowing that his mother left him a fraction of her estate not to mention how you are feeling with all of this. I pray that you are okay.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    I have to agree. This decision is kinda tough but absolutely right. 5к is nothing compared to 500k but still pretty solid amont of money to invest somwhere.
  19. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I hope he does the right thing but I am really doubtful
    He told me that he got the check in the mail today. So far he hasn't cashed it. I had a good talk to him about it and he reassured me he would not use it on drugs or alcohol but sadly I don't believe him.
  20. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I would agree that she should have just left his son nothing, now she unintentionally enabled him to take more drugs because he now has some money to spend. I think you should try as much as you can to send your husband to rehab and if he resists, then there's nothing else that you can do but watch him as he wastes the money and ulitmately endangers his life while using drugs.
    deanokat likes this.