Hey I recently picked up a new habit that has me at the end, I found this forum and thought it would be a good place to start. so..Hello and thanks. I'm in my 40s and been aoda for all my adult life. been on opiates daily.. ben on sub.last 6 yrs that always a constant, it's a part of me that I'm stuck with, I've tried getting off and cant..not now anyways. so with that as a constant. I drink like a Fish. I can go days even months without it. I am a full blown alcoholic.. sometimes drinking is better with a little blow. had my battles with that. in my 30s. more recently started doing meth, NEVER in my life thought I'd have a meth prob..its been 30ish days since my first bump..and havnt stopped since. lmao ( me thinking I'd never have a meth problem) more like. it was just a matter of time..anyways this new drug has me. I could never really help my depression or all the negative shame,guilt. feelings..tried meds. didnt give them a fair chance with all the vodka and methadone I consumed. at the time. But since I lost my pops 2 Jul.ago I've been struggling, On top of that my moms been drinking herself to death on purpose, she has maybe has 3 months but really could be any day now... what I'm getting at is. I really want to give up. the last few years have been **** piled onto a bigger piece of **** life that I alredy lived..we have all been depressed..this doesn't let up for me and wont unless I make a change, I wish i hadn't isolated so much, maybe i wouldn't be so socially retarded..and could give meetings another try. I'm sure there gonna be in my near future. I'm surely not going to one tweaking and as soon as I'm done weaning down and functionable prob. go That's me outlining it. theres obviously alot of great aspects of my life. most of them Ive destroyed but I think I can fix my family. and that's really all that matters to me...going to be a long road. thanks for reading.