An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Is Alcohol Spoiling Your Romance?

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by jacque, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. jacque

    jacque Member

    Іs Аlсоhоl Ѕроіlіng Yоur Rоmаnсе?

    Whеn І fіrst tаlk tо реорlе аbоut соuрlеs thеrару, І usuаllу аsk: “Dо уоu drіnk аlсоhоl? Dоеs уоur раrtnеr?” аnd іf sо, “Ноw muсh?” І аlsо аsk whеthеr thеу usе оthеr mіnd-аltеrіng drugs аnd іntохісаnts. Рlеаsе undеrstаnd — І’m nоt орроsеd tо hаvіng а gооd tіmе. Ѕоmе реорlе саn drіnk іn mоdеrаtіоn wіthоut іll еffесts. Вut І wаnt tо knоw whеthеr drіnkіng оr drugs mау bе sроіlіng уоur rоmаnсе. Wіth аlсоhоl еsресіаllу реорlе mау nоt mаkе thе соnnесtіоn bеtwееn drіnkіng аnd rеlаtіоnshір рrоblеms. Тhеу mау nоt bе rеаdу tо lеt gо оf а раrtуіng lіfеstуlе. Оr thеу mау рrеfеr tо dеnу рrоblеms wіth аlсоhоl rаthеr thаn fееl shаmе оr guіlt аbоut sоmе оf thе tеrrіblе рrоblеms thеу’rе hаvіng.

    Мауbе уоu dоn’t knоw, bесаusе blаmіng оnlу аlсоhоl mау bе tоо sіmрlіstіс. Yоu mау bе surрrіsеd tо rеаd thіs, but usuаllу rеlаtіоnshір рrоblеms hаvе sеvеrаl соntrіbutіng саusеs. Маnу rеlаtіоnshір іssuеs саn bесоmе muсh wоrsе “undеr thе іnfluеnсе” оf аlсоhоl. Аnd аlсоhоl аffесts rеlаtіоnshірs іn sеvеrаl wауs:

    • аs а drug;
    • аs сulturаl rіtuаl; аnd
    • рsусhоlоgісаllу.

    Аlсоhоl’s Drug Еffесts

    Іn mу рrасtісе, І’m реrрlехеd аt hоw оftеn реорlе wіth оbvіоus drіnkіng рrоblеms рush bасk whеn І suggеst thеу mау bе sеlf-mеdісаtіng аnd mіght соnsіdеr а рsусhіаtrіс mеdісаtіоn іnstеаd. Іf І suggеst аn аntіdерrеssаnt, fоr іnstаnсе, thеу sау thеу’rе vеrу unсоmfоrtаblе wіth thе іdеа оf tаkіng а drug! Аlсоhоl іs а drug, оf соursе. Ву dеfіnіtіоn, а рsусhоасtіvе drug сhеmісаllу сhаngеs реrсерtіоn, thіnkіng, аnd еmоtіоnаlіtу.

    Аlсоhоl аlsо hаs mоrе unwаntеd sіdе еffесts thаt mаnу рrеsсrірtіоn mеdісаtіоns. Аlthоugh іts сhеmісаl еffесts іnсludе саlmіng nеrvоusnеss, whеn іt stаrts tо wеаr оff, реорlе gеt mоrе аnхіоus. Тhіs аnd іts dеhуdrаtіng sіdе еffесt mау саusе іnsоmnіа оr mаkе іt wоrsе, аnd mаkе іt hаrdеr tо sustаіn slеер. Ѕuffісіеnt dоsеs оf аlсоhоl аlsо рrеvеnt thе drеаmіng slеер thаt hеlрs us рrосеss еmоtіоns аt nіght. Еvеn “hарру drunks” whо drіnk оftеn fіnd thаt оvеr tіmе thеу bесоmе mоrе dерrеssеd. Аnd аlthоugh vеrу mоdеrаtе drіnkіng саn hаvе роsіtіvе hеаlth еffесts, hеаvу drіnkіng grаduаllу brеаks dоwn bоdу аnd mіnd.

    Неrе’s аn еffесt mоst реорlе dоn’t knоw: Ѕtеаdу оr bіngе drіnkіng аffесts brаіn сhеmіstrу lоng аftеr аlсоhоl hаs lеft уоur bоdу. Рsусhоlоgісаl tеstіng іs dіstоrtеd аs muсh аs twо wееks аftеr nоt drіnkіng — оnе аuthоr аdvіsеs аgаіnst tеstіng а “wеt brаіn.” Вut quіttіng “соld turkеу” саn bе vеrу dаngеrоus, саusіng роtеntіаllу fаtаl sеіzurеs.
  2. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I definitely think that alcohol will have a role to play when it comes to relationships. When one drinks and the other doesn't it can often lead to resentment setting in for various reasons and it can affect the relationship.

    On the flip side, it can also be dangerous if both people in the relationship drink as this could lead to arguments and it will be hard to limit the amount you drink when your both drinking.
  3. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I definitely think the use of alcohol can negatively impact a relationship. I feel like alcohol masks a lot of emotions and if that's happening it can be dangerous. I also think for some emotions it can amplify them and that can also blow things out of proportion.
  4. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I've been in relationships where would both get drunk and end up fighting over stupid reasons. Alcohol definitely brought out emotions that we suppressed when we were sober. Or one gets drunk and the other just watches, then all hell ensues because you say something that the sober half doesn't like or thought was out of line. You know what? Better to leave alcohol out of the equation and just be sober together. I've been through so much headache when it comes to alcohol and relationships.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    The use of alcohol has definitely had a huge impact on my relationship and the intimacy of it. It is no fun getting intimate with somebody who is drunk and smells of booze. That is such a huge turn off when somebody is pawing all over you. It's hard to be romantic when somebody is being loud and obnoxious. They think they are having a good time but it isn't for the other person involves. A few drinks can be nice between a couple but when one drinks to extreme then it does nothing to help the relationship. It only makes matters worse and you slowly begin to grow farther and farther apart. A relationship needs intimacy and romance to grow and to be healthy.
  6. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    My other half and I used to drink quite a bit and arguments would follow. There has never been any violence, but alcohol made us say exactly what was on our mind and it could be hurtful at times. There was a couple of times when drinking actually turned out to be a good thing for me though because I gained the courage to confront him on a couple of serious topics and we were able to clear the air.
  7. stridee

    stridee Active Contributor

    Alcohol has never gotten in the way between me and my significant other. I do not think that it will ever get to that point either. We both know how dangerous it can be for our bodies. Sure, we drink it in moderation, but we do not get crazy drunk or anything like that. Alcohol is not something that we should be abusing. I do not promote the banning of alcohol since it can be enjoyed in moderation. If alcohol gets in between your relationship then there is a problem.
  8. sonia11

    sonia11 Senior Contributor

    Overuse of alcohol is definitely bad for any relationship. It turns you into a completely different person in a lot of cases. Not to mention the blackouts from heavy drinking that make it so you got into a huge fight the night before and now have no memory of it. It's toxic if both people are drinking and torture in only one is.
  9. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Well, I don't know if this counts, but I once met a girl at work and she seemed to like me a lot. We got along great until I asked her out and had the bright idea of going to a bar. I got drunk out of my mind and she had to drive me home. She only waved to me from a distance after that.
  10. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Depends upon the partner. I have a friend whose girlfriend likes it when he gets drunk. It removes all his inhibitions and reveals his true self. So, it's not a generalized opinion.
  11. harold

    harold Community Champion

    I am not an expert as far as relationships are concerned, but the little I have observed around confirms your observations and statistics. Alcohol is not good for any relationship. When people take alcohol, they cannot control themselves. They say things which they should never have said and find fault with very one and everything around them. Although many people apologize for what they say and do when they are drunk, but the effects stay on in the relationship and creates an indelible negative effect that many couples use against each other whenever another problem arises. Alcohol is not good for people in relationships. It does not help to promote it in anyway. Generally, alcohol is not good for any relationship. It can only cause untold pain.
  12. cjcasey83

    cjcasey83 Member

    I've been in relationships where alcohol was definitely a major part of every day life. We both drank a lot every time. It was almost as if we had sought eachother out based on our drinking. My wife and I don't drink. This relationship is so much better! We are so much more compassionate and realistic with each other. Plus, it really helps to remember everything from the day before!
  13. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Interesting information. Yeah I found that I didn't dream at all after I was on a fairly long binder. I had several months of drinking fairly heavily. Maybe during that time to after I didn't dream at all for the longest time. I figured it was psychological issues. I had a person in my life that was psychologically abusive. He was monetarily distorted and deranged in certain ways. It's amazing how someone can damage you just by keeping them around. I think between the alcohol and having this person around my mind clearly was not functioning the same.
    You know you are talking about couples counseling and asking if one or the other drinks. I know of a couple I think they both drank at home. They ended up getting a divorce. I think the guy was seeing a therapist maybe. I don't remember if his wife was going. I do think alcohol messes people's relationships up. They think it helps them, but clearly it distorts. We know alcohol is a depressant that is obvious. It's just a cloud or a distraction from reality. Does it ruin? It can. I think if one or the other in a relationship is not willing to be the best person they can be all around. It doesn't necessarily have to be blamed on the booze. If someone persists in negative suppressive behavior then a relationship can't flourish. Alcohol or no alcohol. My best relationship neither one of us drank. So probably it's better just to stay away from this junk.
  14. bsthebenster

    bsthebenster Community Champion

    It defiantly can, I think when someone's drunk they look really sloppy and it's not very attractive. People can get sexual dysfunctions and lose control of there bodily functions. Drinking also lowers inhibitions, which may be the culprit in arguments and risky behaviour. Moderation is extremely important.
  15. CGraves89

    CGraves89 Member

    Alcohol has destroyed a few relationships for me. Whether it causes me to cheat or just be unemotionally attached. Never violence though.
  16. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    It's good to bond with your partner over alcohol. It is a good stress-reliever anyway, but I think you only have to do that once or twice a month. It would not be healthy for your relationship if you are always on a "drunk talk" with each other. It might even start a fight or an argument between you.
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I'm lucky because neither I or my partner like to drink. We live to drink on the occasion, but we really do that once in a blue moon. When I do drink I only drink a couple drinks then I stop, since I don't want to end up getting a hangover. Sadly he does drink a lot when he is on holiday to the point of getting drunk. And yes, it's very difficult to deal with someone who is that drunk, specially him. He has a very weird personality change when he drinks :p