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Is it Ever OK to just say to a person; " I'm Done with you"?

Discussion in 'Questions About Treatment' started by bigbrain50, Nov 28, 2014.

  1. vikkiwinters

    vikkiwinters Member

    At a point, yeah.

    I live by the rule that people should help other people where they can, but temper that with a second rule; don't let life crush you, because it will try.

    As long as you are (genuinely) keeping it together, giving more help to the other person than the happiness they're sucking out of you, it's worth it to try the assist; a broken life can be made whole with the help of other people. However, if you're just getting squished down into a dense, stressed little cube of extended responsibility, it's time to stop. You have to look out for #1; not exclusively, but you are your own primary caregiver and if you abandon yourself, you'll wither.
  2. mercshe

    mercshe Member

    There are other ways to say it though. But its probably okay to let go when that person is really unwilling to change. What is the use of motivating her and supporting her every now and then if she herself doesn't even care at all? However, it is not therapeutic to say "okay, I'm done with you" because it depicts a strong feeling of hopelessness. Maybe, you should make that person realize that she or he is not helping himself anymore and you can't do anything about it.
  3. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Yes, it IS ok to say when you have had enough. There is only so much you can do for some people and in many cases, NOT cutting people off isn't the kindest thing at all. In fact, it is enabling.
  4. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    If you got a friend like this, it's better to say it. By doing what they do it's obvious they do not care about you, and they don't care that you care about them. If they're not even trying to get better it means they don't give a damn about your advice and they don't even give a damn about your friendship. It's better to leave them alone, and if they realize what they did and want to change, good, if not, it's still good.
  5. artkat96

    artkat96 Member

    I think there's a point where you should draw the line. To be honest, when my own parents finally drew the line and said "we're done", my eyes really opened. I was like "wow, what made my own parents turn against me like this?" It really made me step back, take a look at the situation and realize my faults.
  6. Thejamal

    Thejamal Active Contributor

    Yes it is.

    At some point, it's not worth sacrificing your own health and well-being to keep trying to change someone who doesn't want to change. Do everything you can to help your loved one, but at some point, you just have to say "enough is enough." Some people are just too far gone to ever want help.

    Each person has a different amount they can take, so you have to find your own breaking point. That's a tough aspect to deal with too as the only way to really know is to be pushed to that limit.
  7. PerkyNorm4u

    PerkyNorm4u Member

    Sighs. I don't know. I turned my back on a few relatives by the time I was 14. However, this was built up during the course of some years and being a teen and still trying to process my hellhole reality at that time, sighs, I really don't know. I guess when I look back on those years and now as some of them haven't change, it was the "A Ha!" moment for me as I knew there was NO changing in them. Second, I think about the emotional toll it took on me and being unappreciated and attack time and time again. Sometimes, people only learn best when they are on their own with no one to lash out at.
  8. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    You have to look at how much you have helped them and in what way you have tried to help them as giving money is not the answer. There is always an underlying issue that stops someone from getting better and they need to figure out what that is in order to get better. If you can maybe send them to a psychologist to work with them and a reach out program instead of more rehab as they need to open up and work on what is wrong deep down in order to get a cure.
  9. Marie92

    Marie92 Active Contributor

    When you are constantly helping the individual and they continue to do the same thing you have to talk to them. If nothing changes, you have to take a step back and what is best for you. You have to take care of yourself or after a while, it will take a toll on your health.
  10. harold

    harold Community Champion

    It is very difficult to let go someone just like that. At the same time, I know Just how painful it can be for me, if I try to help someone and he or she puts on that kind of an altitude. I believe that at one point, you will have to rebuke the person and pretend you are no longer interested in offering further help, but you can never really totally give up. It is also important to watch the words you use when you pretend you are giving up because certain words could just end up spurring the loved one to sink more into addiction. Yes, there are limits, but one can never really, totally give up on a loved one.
  11. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    Yep there is one of those times where you will have to give up. Never use those words though because that is just plain rude. If it gets to the point where they might umm... (die) then there is pretty much nothing you can do. It depends on the individual and on her actions.
  12. Dan86

    Dan86 Member

    All I think people need to recover is a good enough reason a new child, death of someone in the family or being told you will die yourself.

    Saying I'm done with you to someone and leaving them alone for an ammount of time maybe what it takes for someone to realise the truth. Although only tried after everything else has been tried would I consider this.
  13. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Just what you wrote. We can't dedicate our life time for a person who doesn't even want to go in recovery and doesn't appreciate what we are doing for him/her. Finally we should turn our back, everyone is responsible for their life and makes his/her decisions.
  14. moreno58

    moreno58 Active Contributor

    Yes it is ok to say Enough, otherwise you are gonna waste your life away and if they aren't even making an effort then it is time to let it go.
  15. jbepp

    jbepp Active Contributor

    I think you have to be really careful about the words you use if you don't want to hurt the other person. If told someone "I'm done with you" it might come off as if you were using them all this time and you didn't care about them. I personally try to use gentle words. Knowing when it's time for a break up is really important, because sometimes a bad relationship can hurt us in many ways.
  16. stridee

    stridee Active Contributor

    Yes it is. In my opinion, it could be worded a little more nicely, but the point stands. Sometimes there are people who have no respect for your actions and will push you past your limit. Once you are at your breaking point, it is time to just let the person go because he or she will no longer be able to cooperate with you.
  17. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Well sometimes it might help the person to "hit the bottom" so they say. Maybe if they can not rely on you someone they have always relied on may encourage them to seek the treatment they need. It is something that you can do when you are really frustrated. However, I would make this decision in conjunction with a treatment professional if it is a child, you don't ever really "quit" as a parent, even if you can't support their lifestyle any longer.
  18. Rory

    Rory Active Contributor

    Yep. Although this person is someone that you care about, you have to understand that you can't allow their addiction to bring you down, as well. It's not fair to either of you. There comes a certain point where it's like, I've said all that I can say, I've done all that I can do, it's on you now.
  19. whitenoise

    whitenoise Senior Contributor

    I wouldn't use these words either if the person you're referring to is really a friend of yours and you care about him/her. I would just use different words and I would try to end it peacefully with any arguments going on.
  20. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    This may be an unpopular comment, but yeah. If they do not listen and they go back to slipping up with almost no remorse, then yeah. I don't see anything wrong with it. There is a time that comes where people need to fend for themselves.