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Is it odd or is it G-d...taking the blinders off

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Liola, Dec 28, 2018.

  1. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    Hi Everyone,
    So you know I've been up here in the mountains and not been having the easiest of times. I am thankful I have no idea how to get any drugs here and grateful for a meeting that's 5 days a week at noon in the next town that I have gone to for years...using and clean. I know the people and it is the best meeting group I've ever been to. I really am dreading going back home to the meetings there. I am now spoiled by the quality and just everything about this group...even the chickens walking around outside! Hillbilly heroin, meth, alcohol and opiates prevail in the the types of drugs used and each day there is a newcomer who is usually a relapse which of course I relate to. Tons of clean time women and men spilling solutions that I never hear at home and just raw honesty. Refreshing. No high class whining.
    But I've been struggling and made progress from having basically an emotional breakdown with my husband who I am getting yet another "do over" with.
    I think about using all the time. I know they are feelings and not facts and will and do pass and it is natural as I am not even 90 days clean and as you guys know, there was no pink cloud coming back from this last long run I had.
    So I thought I'd share some miracles like tonight. We went out to eat and the table next to us was a girl having a cosmopolitan. Now alcohol was never a drug I went to first...it was something I would just have if I felt like it. I liked chemicals...all my life basically. But I said to my husband that I wish I could have a cosmo...it was a thought and not something I would do. I looked over 2 tables and there was a lady from my meeting from the next town. Just seeing her and saying hi immediately removed the desire for a drink...or rather for something to change the way I felt.
    Recovery is everywhere, hope is everywhere except when I stay in my head or in non surrender and acceptance.
    I can't honestly say I have surrendered yet. I know recovery can't begin until I do and the fight in my head will then ease and anxiety will lessen and I can open my heart more....only good can come from complete surrender.
    I am praying for the willingness for that.
    I will be up here until Jan 4 and then that 15 hour drive back. I plan JFT to do the things that promise me I never have to use again and to remember that I wasn't pleasant when I used or particularly happy...it is just all I am used to.
    I preach this new way of life to people here and in my gut I still have reservations. I guess I have smart feet that keep taking me to my meeting and move me more towards the freedom from active addiction.
    Just checking in and telling on myself here.
    Dominica likes this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Liola thanks for sharing that story!! i'm glad you didn't have the cosmo... and that you received hope and strength from seeing another person from the meeting!!

    and, glad you're enjoying the meetings! hopefully back home the meetings will get better. :)

    you're doing great, my friend. struggle may come, but you've learned some really good tools for getting through the struggle... and you're doing it! proud of you.

    good to hear from you.... hope you will bring on the new year with amazing hope and joy!
  3. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    Thanks!
    and btw his son didn't use that lady but found one that he has already been to and liked her approach. I have no idea what approach or if meds are going to be used or anything because "its not my monkey and not my circus" (my new saying)...but you helped so much getting him and us started. Thank you.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Liola... Stay strong, my dear. And remember that we're here for you anytime you might need us. I'm sorry I'm just seeing your post now. My wife broke her wrist Saturday night and I've been playing nurse and helping her make follow-up doctor appointments.
  5. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    Thanks Dean,
    BTW i read your link you put on for someone on the xanax....and saw your video....
    good to meet you!
    Have a wonderful new year full of miracles...to all my friends here (you know who my peeps are) and I hope your wife feels better...ouch.
    We are headed to an early dinner at our fav restaurant near here and will be home nice and early and chill.
    Went to a great meeting today and I will surely miss the meetings up here...so superior to ones at home but my feet are still here in NC so I can't worry about that today.
    xo
    Dominica likes this.
  6. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    HAPPY NEW YEAR DOMINICA
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  7. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    Thank you!! Great things in 2019 for all of us!!
    deanokat likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I hope the rest of the year is better than the first two days have been for me! :(
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I am just seeing this for the first time and I am glad you didn't have that Cosmo. I know first hand from several relapses myself that alcohol becomes the door back to the chemicals:confused:even though the emoji I used is suspicious it's the truth. I have been off meth for quite some time now and I haven't been on the site to much because I think mentally I have been preparing for my uncle's return from his last trip to jail and he is always on meth...Today has sucked for me because he is sooooo high and I can't stand to even be around that sh×t anymore but here it is plenty of meth in the house and I have to stay in the bedroom to bot be around him......sorry I have gone on a rant totally having nothing to do with your post.So yes I understand that "Surrender"thing you are talking about and I wonder if it gets easier ever.I personally hate everything about meth but knowing it's right there is driving me crazy so I don't know what the hell that surrender thing is about because I hate meth yet knowing it's right there is very difficult for me.Anyways I am glad you reached out and happy you stayed sober regardless of how.Stay Strong My Friend
    deanokat likes this.