An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Is my boyfriend addicted?

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by CEAMEChelp, Apr 11, 2017.

  1. CEAMEChelp

    CEAMEChelp Member

    I have read a lot of threads on here and everyone has been so kind and helpful to each other. I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice too.

    I have been dating this guy for about 3 months. Before that, we worked together for nearly a year and he is my friend more than anything. A couple of weeks ago I found out that he has been using meth 2-3 times a week for the past 4 months. He works long hours at a job he doesn't like and said he started doing it to cope with that. He is not in debt, shows up for work, and doesn't have any of the physical signs of drug use (bad hygiene, sores, dental problems)...yet. He has a long history of experimenting in college and had an issue with spice for a while several years ago but is scared of the stuff now. Other than the meth, he just smokes week every now and then.

    He says he is not an addict. He threw away everything he had and has not used it in two weeks. He said he has wanted to do it a couple of times during a difficult day at work, but that he doesn't think about it often. He says that he is ashamed of his drug use and knows that he messed up and won't do it again. I want to believe him.

    I'm not sure what to do. This man is my friend. I care about him and I want to help. But I don't know anything about drugs and I am absolutely terrified. He has a friend who used to do meth also and is now a month clean. His friend and I are the only ones who know about his drug use and I'm not sure that's enough support for him. His history and the fact that he lied and hid his drug use from me is the part that concerns me the most.

    So...IF he is being honest with me and what he said is true, do you think he has a serious problem? Could he be addicted? Is there any way for me to help him or does he have to do this on his own? I know we haven't been dating long, but I really care about him and don't want to see him overcome by this. I feel like he's not in too deep yet, but cutting off the little bit of support that he has could make things worse for him.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @CEAMEChelp... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend and his meth use. Based on what you've told us, it's not really possible to determine whether or not he's addicted. But I will say this: using meth to cope with a job you don't like is not a wise thing to do. Self-medication with an illegal drug is not the proper way to cope with issues like that. So at the very least, your boyfriend likely needs to work on his coping skills.

    Meth is a horrible drug that can really take its toll on the body. This article may help you understand more:

    Crystal Meth Abuse

    Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach us that we didn't cause our loved one's addiction, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. So you're right: Any decision to stop using meth and get help (if he needs it) has to be made by your boyfriend. It doesn't matter what you want him to do; he has to be the one to decide to change.

    All you can really do is trust your boyfriend. If he's not telling you the truth, you will find out sooner or later (probably sooner). In the meantime, take care of yourself and maybe try to educate yourself about addiction. There are some great books out there that you might want to check out. Here's a blog I wrote that talks about some of my favorites:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    We're here to help and support you however we can, so don't hesitate to reach out anytime. And know that I'm keeping good thoughts for both you and your boyfriend.

  3. Drandolph

    Drandolph Member

    I can only tell you what I know.
    My br hid it from me well.we have been together for 3 years and 3 mo. I didn't know for sure till 1.5 years in im not a user.
    Im a scribe surgical tech for a retina practice. I know everything about eyes.
    I know certain hereditary issues can cause dilated pupils. Certain meds. Trauma strokes ect.
    So when my bf told me 8 mo in that his pupils are slow to react? After i noticed that his eyes were totally dilated? I think he tried to stop when we met!
    I told him all this and guess what?the pupils didn't dilate anymore
    I also know that long term use picked up doesnt show in pupils anymore.
    That's when i began noticing a runny nose leaky eyes like he was crying. He said allergies? I mentioned sniffing dope?1 mo later? That stopped then i started finding snall balls of foil burned on the inside and empty pen casings hot rails! I was living him by that time. I brought it to his attention? He stated I wanted to believe the worst in him
    Next?3 pipes all located in the garage . He told me he placed these here so i could find them and he use to use?5x? 2012?and he kept them there to remind him? How close he always is to using?
    Aside from proof ?you will never see him use they are good at hiding it. But yes look for lighters missing the front part (bigger flame) without using a torch. He smoked cigs too but never seen lighters altered like this.
    My bf was a long time user and Binger.
    So if he was on a good one?he would be gone all weekend
    But if he was tweaking? He would spend 10 hrs fixing nothing.
    He wouldn't shower but 1x a week.
    He would rarely eat and have diahharea depending on what his dope was cut with.
    Hed spent 2 to 3 hours in the bathroom with a dental pick. ..he had protein shakes vites. Lotion for his face (harm reduction )
    But you cant hide dope. When he ran out of money? The come down. He would come home from work on a Friday? Fall straight to sleep and don't try to wake him up. Angry bilegerant. Hostile.
    He would only get up to drink something or eat. Sweating in the middle of winter!
    Also going to bed loaded. He would try and pretend to sleep. But 5 hrs in?he would wake me up twitching and talking in his sleep. He never hit REM until 2 hrs before he would have to go to work.
    He is not a big talker or pacer or anything like that but I feel he had been using a long time so he adapted his using behavior but as i stated above there are behaviors that cannot be avoided
    Wish you the best