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Is my former friend an enabler to another friend for sex?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by Hyperion, Sep 15, 2015.

  1. Hyperion

    Hyperion Active Contributor

    I recently moved back to my hometown, and witnessed something at a bar that caught my attention. My male friend was buying drinks for my female friend (who has a drinking issue that she does nothing about), with the obvious end goal being to try to have her sleep with him. I know this was the case because he seemed pretty pissed when she became so drunk she was nodding off at the bar (may have taken pills as well).

    I would rather not go into the reasons why I am no longer friends with the male character, but it has to do with him severely violating my privacy.

    What do you all think? Typical male behavior, or something more nuanced? They do have a past sexual history.
  2. singingintherain

    singingintherain Community Champion

    From the outside I think it is impossible to guess at his intentions. It could have been that he wanted to share drinks with the friend. Even if he still has an interest in her it might not have been his intention to have her get that drunk. Possibly it was but we have no way of knowing that. Was he drinking as well? He may have purchased more drinks that he originally intended as he became more inebriated also.

    I guess the important thing is to make sure your friend (the woman) is comfortable with the situation. It sounds like she wasn't able to actually communicate either way if she was nodding off, but if you are concerned it might be a good idea to ask her how she feels about the other night. You'll be able to get the information straight from her as to how she feels, and she will be made aware that you are looking out for her.
  3. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    Getting someone drunk in order to use them for sexual purposes is the most horrible thing someone can do. Why enjoy sex if that person doesn't even love you? I mean, yeah, it feels good for the moment, but it won't get you rid of the horrible loneliness and silence that keeps you up at night.

    People are so obsessed with sex nowadays that they do even the lowest things to get it.
  4. SamBo_LamBo

    SamBo_LamBo Member

    A few years ago, I would have dismissed this as simple male behavior. However, now that I'm a bit older and wiser, I know that it's a very unacceptable behavior to get someone drunk so you can "score." If pills were involved during the process, there is definitely no reason to be around this guy anymore. You've made the right choice, but I seriously hope that

    a) she's ok and never has to go through something like this again,


    b) he's either learned from his past mistakes or has gotten severe consequences for his actions
  5. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    I see why you wouldn't want to be friends with that guy. he seemed like a huge as*hole to me, using that poor girl.
  6. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    It is very easy for "friends" to get an enabling role especially if they are not familiar with substance abuse and the patterns show by addicts. I think in many cases, they do have good intentions. However, there is an old saying that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. It is important not to excuse the addict and their behavior.
  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    He sounds like a class act to me. I can see why you wouldn't want to be friends or associate yourself with somebody like that. Knowing she has a problem and just feeding into it to have sex with her is disgusting. I am sure there are many guys out there who would do the same thing but women should be aware of it and never allow themselves to get to the point where they no longer have control of themselves or what is going on around them. Sadly though this happens all the time.
  8. Mims

    Mims Active Contributor

    This sounds past enabling sexual behavior. What this male character is doing is sadly a common thing, but that does not make it right. He is purposefully using your friend's alcohol problem to have sex. I can understand if this was the typical guy at a bar that's trying to get the hot girl to come home with him, but if the male is aware of the female's drinking problem then it's just wrong. I think you should try to calmly set your friend aside and explain your feelings about the situation. I can't guarantee she will listen, but try.
  9. hlinh5289

    hlinh5289 Member

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