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Is my husband using drugs

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Anonymous87, Oct 30, 2017.

  1. Anonymous87

    Anonymous87 Member

    My husband used to have an addiction problem. He says he's sober but when I find drug paraphernalia he gets mad and says he put it there on purpose for me to find cuz I always accuse him, which I do accuse him alot or he says it's old. He also gets mad when I ask him if he's OK and we have been arguing alot lately cuz of all this worry I have. Now he has started say that he's going to McDonald's really quick and will be right back but then is gone for hours and hours and won't answer my calls or texts and says it's cuz he doesn't want to hear me bitch at him. When he does come home, he says that he just needed alone time without me cuz he's stressed. I love him very much but I don't know what to think or what to do. Can anyone give me some advice ????
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous87... Welcome. Unfortunately, it sounds to me like your husband is hiding something from you. The fact that you find drug paraphernalia around the house is likely a sign that he is using again, even though he has given you another explanation. The paraphernalia and the mysterious "trips to McDonald's" combined are very suspicious. I think sitting down with him and having a heart-to-heart conversation about this might be the best thing to do. Don't be confrontational and angry; talk to him with love and compassion. Tell him you're concerned about him and his well-being, and about your relationship. Tell him how his activities make you feel. Tell him you'll support him if he has a problem and wants to get help for it.

    Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us this about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Try to remember that and make sure you take good care of yourself. You are the only person you can control, and you have to practice self-care to prevent yourself from becoming addicted to your husband's addiction.

    Of course, it is possible that what your husband is telling you is true. But based on what you said in your post, I am doubtful of that.

    I'm sending you lots of positive energy and hope. You may also want to consider going to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. Those groups can offer a lot of support, and that can be very helpful and comforting.
    lonewolves likes this.
  3. Anonymous87

    Anonymous87 Member

    So I did end up finding out that he relapsed. So I told him he needed to get the vivitral shot because I can not stay if he is doing drugs. He said yes, he was ready to make right choices and would get the shot. The doctor said he had to be sober 7 days before he could get the shot. I made the appointment for 8 days just to be sure he would be able to get it. He is on day 5 of being sober and all of a sudden had to go somewhere and was gone for 2 hours. I checked his pocket when he got back and he wasn't looking and I found paraphernalia. He says he hasn't done anything and because I doubt him and because he is nervous about going thru major withdrawals, he is going to wait another week to go get the shot now. What do I do??? Is he ready to be sober and done with that stuff??? I'm so lost.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous87... It sounds like your husband is making excuses to not get the shot...or at least put it off. While I'm very suspicious about the paraphernalia you found--as I'm sure you are, too--I think it's probably best if you let go a bit and stop policing your husband. I know you're concerned, and you have every right to be. But HE has to be the one to want to get help. And HE is the only one who can help himself. Tell him he has to get the shot in 8 days, but then let go and let him handle things. If it's time to get the shot and he can't because he's not sober, then that's on him. If that situation comes up, then you can make a decision on what to do next. Trust me: You trying to be a watchdog and control your husband will only make YOU sick. Remember: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. Have you by any chance considered going to an Al-Anon meeting? I think it might really help you.

    Sending you love, light, and hope.
    Lostboy8731 likes this.
  5. Lostboy8731

    Lostboy8731 Community Champion

    My lord your going through alot and my heart truly aches for you. @Anonymous87 Its clear he may be saying he wants to be sober but his actions of going out and usinf say orherwise. Now that being said i can understand his fear of withdrawl. Its never fun for anyone. If he is truly serious about getting sober ask him if he would be willing to stay locked in a room or bathroom. I know it sounds crazy but my cousin just was withdrawing from haroin and came to us saying he want to be sober but new he couldnt do it and asked us to lock and board up the door and he stayed in rhe bathroom through his withdrawls and now hes on his way to florida or something to do treatment. Def not ideal and admittedly odd for sure but it worked. Just a thought. Ill be praying for you. Keep in touch and let us know how things pan out...prayers and blessings sent your way love
    Dominica and deanokat like this.