An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the DrugAbuse.com Forums?Join or

It's Been Awhile

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by True concern, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    So many times I have been saved from myself. And this thread did give me a platform to open up the other night.
    I really was in a bad way emotionally, and it came on fast too. I wasn't used to that.
    Would I have followed through and drank? I don't know. I did put my shoes on, I did grab my wallet, and I did get my keys, all while trying to talk myself out of it.
    Ironically another voice was trying to talk me into it.
    You all who have kept up with me know the hell on earth I went through getting off of oxycontin, heroin, all that stuff.
    You would think I would not ever think twice about it again. But I do. Why? Because I'm an addict-that's all I can say. I have no good answer.
    I know that I was on the fence when I wrote that. I was scared too.
    And again, @True concern thank you for that.
    Your words mean a lot to me and they always seem to come at just the right time.
    You know me very well. You know that a sack of dope in my pocket and a needle in my hand would not end well for me. So a mere thank you may sound shallow considering that's where I was headed.
    But like I said you know me well. And you know that that thank you carries much greater appreciation than any words can convey.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Your cared for my friend, at time's we must lean on one another and it's always ok to admit we feel weak or vulnerable because we are not in this fight alone.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You know my friend I have been searching for the reason why God put me here for along time,and I've always said "If I can just help one person it would all be worth it"Perhaps you are that one person, now obviously I'm not saying you are as I could never know only God knows but maybe just maybe.I am grateful that he had us engage in this conversation though,I am grateful it helped you through a potentially horrible decision and the glory is his.I am just grateful in general anymore,everyday is a blessing and I am happy I was in the right place at the right time.
    STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIEND
  4. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    The glory is His. But I think its more like your here to help many people. Least of all me.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I appreciate that brother and I can only pray your right,if I never made a penny for it but somehow saved many lives I can't tell you how rewarding that in itself would be, I would gladly live in poverty for the rest of my days to accomplish something so beautiful, pure,and wonderful.I am but a shell of his divine image and whatever my purpose is I pray I achieve it in a way that brings him joy.
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    With that headset on it looks like you are playing some "Call Of Duty,or Fortnite"
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  7. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam Zapping Super Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Hah Close! Playing some borderlands 3 right now.
    True concern and Joshstillclean like this.
  8. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Sounds fun. I don't wanna work anymore today.
    True concern and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Sorry to keep interrupting your work my friend
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Your not. I meant what i said. I am done working for today.
    True concern likes this.
  11. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Didn't have much to do anyway and now I just got everything taken care of and put away. I think I have a sack of feed laying around somewhere I need to store but I literally meant I was gonna be lazy and stop working.
    So now I'm done!
    True concern and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  12. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Senior Contributor

    What freed my from my addictions, was reaching my bottom and surrender. My bottom can ONLY be defined as that which immediately precedes surrender. What helped me understand this was Dr. Harry M. Tiebout,
    The alcoholic personality i.e. ........
    1. An unconscious need or drive to dominate
    2. A prevailing negative, hostile feeling-tone
    3. A capacity for ecstatic peaks
    4. A sense of loneliness and isolation
    5. Feelings of inferiority and superiority which exist simultaneously in the individual
    6. A striving for perfection
    and Surrender and Conversion

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Tiebout
  13. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam Zapping Super Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Here's my problem and what scares me the most. Withdrawl scared me from quitting but now I beat that, I am no longer scared of withdrawl so my mind tells me sometimes that it's ok to use substance because I no longer fear them. I was hoping it would be so bad it would scare me from ever using again but it gave the opposite effect. Withdraw was not bad at all in fact I miss some elements of it.

    But then again I guess it wouldn't be a problem unless you cant stop.
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  14. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Senior Contributor

    I was a performing artist, and moved to the greater Los Angles area where I got sober. I know and have known some of the most talent people in all phases of the performing arts, film, music, writing, producing, directing, fine art, etc. It amazed me how many died due to addiction, because if they weren’t consistently (obsessively) doing their art, they had a difficult time copping with life which of course involved others. Einstein although not addicted, as well as Picasso an other genius, had a difficult time with relationships. Artists tend to be that way. Their obsession is their art and everything else is second place. I was like them, but I chose to live my life free of addiction, by having purpose outside of my art. Obsession is just another word for addiction, and no obsession works!!
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019
    True concern and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  15. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam Zapping Super Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I think that's my biggest hold up. I lack long lasting conviction. I cant make up my mind how I want to live or be unless I'm in crisis.

    I get bored easily and feel the need to constantly challenge myself and learn new things. It's like I just cant be happy without some sort of obsession.
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I have detoxed over 100 times so I get what your saying just I am that bubble that can't stop
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  17. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I appreciate you and your insight more than words will allow
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

  19. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam Zapping Super Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Thanks for sharing that. Great insight
  20. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Senior Contributor

    My boredom is linked to problems with attention. What bored me never fully engaged my attention. After all, it is hard to be interested in something I don’t like, therefore, I cannot concentrate on it. Those with chronic attention problems, such as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, have a high tendency for boredom, as do I. BTW, Thom Hartmann, Free Speech TV, has written books on ADD/ ADHD and research indicates that those with this brain wiring are like hunter gatherers, they hyper focus, while also aware of the potential dangers in the jungle / forest, as opposed to farmer types which is most people. Hartmann is very smart, as most AAD/ ADHD I’ve known.

    Those that feel boredom a lot feel trapped and feeling trapped is a big part of boredom. That is, they are stuck or constrained so that their will cannot be executed. For example, adolescence is a peak period for boredom, largely because children and teenagers are not given a lot of control over what they want to do. This same adolescence syndrome exists in some support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous Fellowship / meetings. This is why compliance / submission to the group speak exists, and if others speak differently, they can be shunned e.g. an atheist or agnostic or someone without a sponsor. This sort of behavior exists on some of the other on-line substance abuse forums.

    Intellectually, I understand bipolar affective disorder, I was married to a bipolar that rapid cycled, but experientially I don’t understand it, because I don’t have this disorder. This is why I never say to anyone about their feelings, I can feel your pain, I cannot, I’m not you. Also, this is the reason why I avoid giving advice. I can only experience my life, so first person singular sharing is how I attempt to share and what is suggested in Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 7, WORKING WITH OTHERS.