Hello everyone, I was thinking about my first NA meeting with astonishing joy and there was no way I could not share this. For anyone who doesn't know me then this won't meen much to you, so in a nutshell here's my background. I'm 30 been using since 15 and a decade of that was hard core drug use. I started with the hard core drugs after I lost my wife very early in our marriage due to brain disease. I have a son but not by my wife he is with my wifes friend as I was in severe morning and went to her friends house so we could console each other, alcohol got involved,then some cocaine,and now I have a son. Judge me if you want I am just telling you the truth. For several years we tried to make things work,even almost got married but we both had habits and it just wasn't going to happen. Anyway my parents got custody of my son while neither of us was capable of carring for him. I dohave custody now though,but I digress. Throughout the let's just call it a decade that I was truly living like a junkie, so many things happened to me that I truly did begin to question God. Why was this happening to me? But I was thinking about everything backwards. Let me explain. When I started buying my own dope from the guy who sold it to my friends who I then got it from. I realized that I could get my hands on a large quantity of it and cut it and sale it supporting my own habit and making that fast cash that seems to disappear so quick. So I started running into some bad people who I could never trust. I remember the first time, noticed that I said first time, that I was held at gunpoint being robbed. I really thought that I was about to die right then and there. Afterwards instead of thanking God for saving me and changing my life I was just so scared I thought getting high then was justified. Ha! I remember going to pick up my normal bag of dope from the same guy I always delt with and he had been up for days smoking meth, he was so spun that before I had left he became paranoid and thought I was a cop. He pulled a shotgun out his stash closet and held it straight at my chest while I was pleading with him to let me show him I was not. With the shotgun at my abdomen I stripped naked and he eventually let me go. Shortly after that I got six months in county prison. First time offender so I'm not a felon. I found a new dealer in there, so when I got out I was right back at it. I'm not going to go into detail about everything I did or that happened during that period of my life but I have to tell this last close encounter with death because it is a miracle. I was walking around the Tennessee river and I was thinking about changing my life. I was really thinking about turning to God for help and then I became the victim of a gang initiation. I should point out I was in a very bad neighborhood in a state I don't even live in. Well three guys approach me and I was at this point street smart enough that I knew I was about to get mugged. I was near a construction site and I ran for a 2X4 I saw broken about three feet long with some bent nails in one end of it. It was by far the worst fight that I have ever been in. I was able to take two of them down with the board, but one of them got behind me and choked me out. When I woke up I was repeatedly beaten. I don't know the extent of damage that I caused to the two attackers who6I hit with the board but I do know that I was taken to some sort of underground shelter. It was a place where homeless people went I think built during the cold war. I found out later during the period right before this went to trial that it was below an abandoned church. Anyway I was handcuffed to a water pipe and I was told I was going to pay for what I had done to his guys. I was traded for a piece of crack cocaine to a homosexual drug addict when this guy was done beating me. Well this guy wants to keep me alive so he can repeatedly rape me. And he does. He gets me water and food and has his way with me, when I am in the worst withdrawals this guy even gives a shot of dilauded that I had already loaded and had in my backpack. I end up being able to work a brick loose from the wall and break the cuffs. I thought I would be able to get away but was so week I couldn't crawl up the steps. He found me free when he came back and said he was going to have to kill me and bury me next to the others. He came back with a shovel and looked at me and saw the shirt I was wearing. It said Jesus Saves. He tied me up and said he would wait until tomorrow. He came back with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Xanax the next day. I was forced to drink it and take the pills. Every time I tried to stop he would do things that I can't post on here. He wanted to force me to kill myself. I did not through up and the next day when he was gone I prayed for the first time with faith in more than ten years. I prayed that God would have mercy on me and forgive my sins and help me to make it up the steps. All I know from there is what I'm told. A state trooper had taken a different route than normal to wherever it was he was going and saw a limp body fall out of a broken window. This man had indeed killed two people Jesus saved the third. I am sharing this because today I was cleaning and decided to replace a bulb that has been out for a long time in my ceiling. When I took the dome down there was a sack of dope and a rig in it. I didn't think twice before I threw it all in the trash. And put the dope down the toilet. To everyone out there who thinks it can't be worse,it can, because at least you're still alive. And to everyone who thinks they can't get over their pain, you can. To anybody who thinks God has turned His back on you, ask. There is no such thing as a hopeless drug addict, I'm speaking from experience. If anyone droughts me then PM me all of this is public record. I hope this can inspire someone, God bless.