Hi Peachy and all: i got your note as an email yes all you said.my sponsor who has never left me is now miss strict and i have to do the 90/90 of NA. I went to an addiction psychiatrist who yanked me off the wellbutrin the detox put me on and he said his conditions are no relapses and na meetings and he will help me. He put me on a drug called rexulti and i promised him i wouldn't google it. He said it will re direct my dopamine and i'll feel a little tired and weird for a couple of weeks until it gets in my system properly. so tonight i have to go to a stinking meeting to start my 90/90 or my sponsor will drop me and i do know i am at the last house on the block at this point. I was just being miserable thinking all the while that i am liking doing coke. i didn't. I just replaced the oxy i was doing with coke and wanted it but didn't like who i am on it cause who knows what i was doing anyway. The last few batches i share were poisoned. I got really sick but kept doing it. I spent thousands in like a month and went through about 14 grams. awful crap at the end. And, now since its a secret that i was doing this after detox from my husband (i told the doctor and my sponsor)...i am suffering terribly with all the same things as i did in the detox although not to the extent of intensity. Cocaine withdrawal does exist. It isn't just a mind thing. I'm weaker, hot/cold flashes more often, discontent etc. I know bring the body and the mind will follow to the meetings but really, not all are good, most suck and there is nothing more powerful than a good meeting but its rare. My sponsor won't accept online meetings for my 90/90. has to be face to face. But i have you guys which i'm truly enjoying ya never know...i may get a message. If i do, i'll pass it on. Thank you for encouraging me. I didn't go to the 30 day recovery unplugged program as they really mislead us on everything from their address, to price, to the process...just everything. Too bad. But i can do this and especially with this sites support. Thank you.