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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by msbrightsidegot, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. Just joined this forum today on a whim. I don't really have anyone to talk to about my alcohol addiction. I have always like drinking since I was 13 and got my first taste of being drunk at a sleepover. As I got older I had plenty of friends who were 21 that could buy it for me. I spent most nights drunk or high at parties with friends until I got pregnant with my son. I completely straightened my life out, dropped all my friends, got a full time job and put it all behind me. I found the love of my life when my son was 2 months old and got married 5 months later. After the birth of my second son about year after I had a lot of post partum depression. Most nights after my kids were asleep I would drink a bottle of wine and watch some shows or a movie. I didn't have that big of a problem then but it started to snowball once I went back to work part time and my kids started school. I am home most days alone and my kids go to sleep at 8:30 leaving me with a few hours to get drunk and watch tv. Drinking almost destroyed my marriage about 2 years ago. I stopped for a short time but now I have just gotten better at hiding it. If my husband found out I started again he would leave me so now I have to do this on my own will power and get it handled. I drink during the day, sleep it off, will drink again that night. I drink at work, any social get togethers because I have a lot of social anxiety. If I feel like anything will be stressful I plan to have a small bottle of vodka in my purse for my nerves. I drink at work, I have learned basically to be calm and not give anything away when I am drunk now. I am a wife and mother, I am ashamed I cant stop and continue to do this to myself. My family means the whole world to me and I never drink around my kids or expose them to it but once they get older they could realize more whats going on. I don't want them to be more susceptible to having problems like I do. I also look back and im not really remembering everything from when I have been drinking which also worries me. When me and my husband have gone to a friends house and im drunk I can think back the next day and pieces are missing. I know I didn't do anything, we were together and I was there I just don't want to live my life in a haze of alcohol if that makes sense. I want to live my life fully and stop hiding behind alcohol because I don't know how to deal with stuff being just me. Sorry this is long, thank you to anyone that took the time read it.
  2. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    Hi! First of all, I just want to day welcome to the forums. Second of all, I want to day that you're not alone. You've come to the right place. Many of us have the same problem... I'm a mother, wife and recovering alcoholic (among other things). I had to stop alcohol on my own too, it's rough.

    Many people will suggest outpatient treatment or going cold turkey. But, I'm going assume that since you're hiding your addiction, that first suggestion isn't an option. I also understand how coming clean isn't an option either.

    So, I'll tell you how I did it. Cold turkey just didn't work, I became angry and lashed out at my child and husband or the most rediclous and would end up locking myself in the bathroom crying because I felt awful about it. So I did it slowly...

    First I started leaving a little in the bottle then a little more. Everynight, I'd drink a little less than the night before. Even skip a day to lower my tolerance, taking an over the counter sleep aid to help me sleep without the booze. Before long I was only have 1-2 glasses of wine a night and then before I knew it I didn't feel the need to drink every night.
  3. Thats great advice, thank you so much! I cant imagine at this point leaving anything left in the bottle but taking sleeping pills at night would work better since I would never mix the 2 for fear of going to the hospital
    LoveEcho likes this.
  4. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    Hello and welcome, @msbrightsidegot. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm very glad you're here. I'm also very glad you're like me and won't mix medications and alcohol. I think it was Karen Quinlan who passed from that many years ago when I was young. Made a huge impression on me to remember not to mix meds and alcohol. Like @LoveEcho said, you're now among friends who understand what you're going through. I had to do self-recovery at home from alcoholism, too. It's been so long now that I don't remember how I did it exactly. I'm thinking it had something to do with staying busy, maybe an extra job. So feel free to ask questions, let us know how you're doing, whatever you need. We're here for you.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @msbrightsidegot... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm so glad that you found us, and I'm happy to hear that you want to make a positive change in your life. You can definitely get sober if you set the goal, focus on it, and are willing to work hard to achieve it. Please know that we are here to help and support you however we can. You are definitely not alone, so feel free to reach out to us whenever you need or want to. You can do this, my friend. And it will be a wonderful thing, not only for you but for your family. I am sending peace, hugs, and positive, sober vibes your way.
  6. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so glad that you found us here. This is a community of supporting and caring people who are here to help you in any way that they can. You can always come here and talk to us when you are struggling. We never judge because we understand what you are going through. You can do this if you really set your mind to it. Your children need you and they need a mom who is happy and healthy and sober. I believe it you. I will keep you in my prayers.
  7. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us. You already have received some great support from others. We know it's a difficult journey ahead of you and we are here to give you the support you need. Just remember that taking it one day at a time is the best start to be on your way to a healthier you.
  8. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    Welcome @msbrightsidegot You are not the only one who has an addiction problem and cannot control it. But it's good you have admitted you have a problem and need to stop for the sake of your family and yourself.

    You could replace the thought of alcohol by getting rid of all your supplies, get a hobby, get into physical activities and make a calendar to mark the days you go without it. Addiction is a mind thing; if you learn to control your mind, you will learn how to get rid of addiction.

    It takes steps to become who you want to be; some days will be easy while others will be difficult but you know it is a challenge and one you can overcome.

  9. Hi everyone, all your responses made me so emotional and im so happy to see them. I made it 2 whole days of being sober but now I have been drunk most of the day. I see someone suggested activities and I do run, I love it but I still drink.. I even find I do better when I drink because of my social anxiety. Exercising in front of others makes me anxious so drinking takes that away. I am trying but cannot get past 2 or 3 days of being sober.. its awful. I feel like a awful person.
  10. rajesh

    rajesh Senior Contributor

    Hello! and welcome to the forum. I know my friend, alcohol is very addictive. Alcohol has destroyed the lives of many people but it's not too late. You can still improve your life. My friend, you can defeat the urges. God is there to help you. I was also addicted to alcohol and improved my condition with the help of improved lifestyle, meditation, etc. Feel free to ask for help on this forum. We are all here to help you.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @msbrightsidegot... You are not an awful person. You are a human being with a disease called addiction. Unfortunately, relapse is a part of the disease. Please remember that it's not the relapses that define you, but how you react to them. So pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the sober path again. Sobriety is a learned behavior, and like other learned behaviors it can take a lot of practice before you master it. If you decided to learn to speak Italian, would you expect to be an expert at it right from the start? Most certainly not. You would start out, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, gradually get better, and practice a lot. Eventually, you would get to be good at it. I think of sobriety in the same way. It takes effort, practice, and learning from mistakes. You're teaching yourself a new way to live. Give yourself a break and keep trying. And remember, we're here to help and support you, my friend. Just keep working hard. You can do this!
  12. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Hi there and welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear you are going through this and that your husband no longer has a lot tolerance for this kind of things :( That definitely makes it all more stressing for you, and harder, but at the same time if you like to see the positive in everything... you can use this on your favor. As a motivation to actually quit, I've seen it before and it works :)
  13. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @msbrightsidegot... How are you doing, my friend? I want you to know that I'm thinking about you today and sending you positive vibes. :)
  14. Fyrion

    Fyrion Active Contributor

    Welcome. I believe your drinking issue is mostly because the anxiety you feel in certain moments in the day. That's Ok. I also got taken over by anxiety a few times in my life, ad is very unpleasant. You have to find a way to control your anxiety. May I suggest meditation? Also go to an alcoholic anonymous reunion can help you to deal with it.

    Every time you get these urges to run for a drink, try to remain calm and remember to yourself that this is temporal and unfounded, that you are worrying too much for nothing. Motivate yourself thinking in the well being of the people you love the most: your son and husband.

  15. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Welcome msBrightside. I think you will find this a caring community. We have all been there in one way or another either through our own addictions or those of a loved ones, or maybe both. It is always nice to have a new member and we are looking forward to what you have to say.
  16. integrity101

    integrity101 Active Contributor

    Thank you for sharing your story msBrightside. Welcome to this great forum. We are a caring community who stand by each other. You've taken the most important step towards recovery by joining us. You are welcome to read a few of our stories too for encouragement. I wish you all the best in your fight against addiction and pray that eventually you'll enjoy a liquor-free happy life with your family.
  17. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story. All you have to do is admit you have a problem. Take it one step at a time. Just try to stop for a month and if you fail just get up and keep trying. You can overcome this.