So...
I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for any grammar errors or generally being unclear...
So , I've been a poly-drug addict since I was about 18, just realizing how bad and destructive my behavior is now that I'm 23. It really started to destroy me inside out, both my social and financial life, I'm almost at the bottom. And by bottom I mean that I don't have ANYTHING, no friends, no family, no money, no place to stay.
It started off with alcohol and pot, then lead to mostly pot abuse, and I don't know how other potheads use weed, but I would smoke about 5g a day, smoking it like a compulsive maniac, having a bowl about every half an hour. I got destructive as soon as I went to college and started living alone, selling grandiose stories to both my girlfriend and mum, which made me feel like ****, and it still does.
After I have completely fucked up college, I've started dealing weed as a way to earn money. But it didn't do anything since I spent all the money on feeding my habits. I started spending all the money on weed anyway, but then I got really f***** up when I got into stimulants...
I started off with all the regular stuff like ecstasy and amphetamines, which I didn't really like, but the s*** that really grind my gears was cocaine and meth.
Today I find myself desperate, I can't think of anything else, being simultaneously aware of my addiction and wanting to get better... I FEEL LIKE **** BECAUSE OF MY LOVED ONES....
I got caught for dealing weed, currently I'm waiting for a sentence, jobless, don't have any money, in debt, nobody to help me financially or spiritually, feeling like **** and left with nothing but drugs to make feel a lil' bit better, or even feel anything.
After I got caught for dealing, I don't have a lot of money, I didn't have enough money for cocaine or other more expensive stims, so I've turned to synthetic cathinones, and currently I'm abusing ethyl-hexedrone, and I'm really hooked on that ****...
I'm just caught up in a circle of abusing for 1-2 weeks, and then sleeping/eating for the same amount of time feeling helpless....
What do I do???? Is there anything I can do to escape this vicious circle and get on track with my life.. ?
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