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Kicking a kid out of the house

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by sunflogun, Apr 23, 2015.

  1. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    This is an old story already that fortunately had a good ending as he got clean. We were close friends and one night after going out, maybe 2-3 AM I asked him if he wanted to come to my place and in the way he said he was really happy I asked him because if I didn't he would go find drugs instead. Some moments can be decisive and we don't even know it.
    MrsJones likes this.
  2. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I am sorry for not making this clear, but this story happened in the past, way over 10 years ago, so everything is just a memory now. What could have I done at that time when not even cell phones existed or were common? I simply lost touch with him temporarily.
  3. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    that's like the worst thing one could do to a kid, she must be crazy to do that, no wonder the kid used drugs at the first place. I think the reason that drives people to use drugs is in their very own family, how they grew up and stuff...
  4. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @sunflogun even though the time has passed it's great that you are sharing with the forum members. Others are looking for helpful responses to consider for similar situations that they are experiencing currently.
  5. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I would say that's not smart parenting. If you are really concerned about your kid, you wouldn't kick him/her out of the house. That is not the proper solution. The mother should have put her kid into rehabilitation center or encourage him to go through counselling.
  6. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Thank you @MrsJones, in fact it's a strong experience, something I will never forget, seeing my friend parking cars and stealing...

    At a certain point dyan, it's not about being smart or not, we just need to cut our losses, especially if we have another kids, we don't want to see them being dragged down as well.
  7. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    I work with teens in crisis on a regular basis. I can tell you that simply kicking a kid out isn't going to work. Typically it will escalate a situation, depending on how desperate the kid is, the nature of the addiction, the nature of the kids peers, etc. I also do believe that parents have an obligation to do more than kick a kid out. They produced an offspring and should be responsible for that human, good or bad. HOWEVER...there does indeed come a time when kicking a kid out of the house becomes the "right thing to do". If an addict has become a cancer in the home, influences the younger kids, is causing behaviors that are destructive to the health and welfare of other family members, it becomes necessary to protect as much of the family as possible. Now, this does not have to mean simple "GET OUT!" but could mean alternative living arrangements, etc. Remember that a family is not just the sum of it's parts, but each individual as well. If one part is infecting the others and causing potential life-threatening damage, it must be dealt with.
    sunflogun likes this.
  8. vikkiwinters

    vikkiwinters Member

    Not a good plan. Sometimes people do need a shock to the system, but it's also a lot easier to recover from whatever ails you if you do so from a safe place.

    It sounds hippy-dippy, but it's actually pretty damn traumatic for a person to have their home taken from them. Something built right into us wants a safe place to be able to go, and taking it away could actually just drive the kid further into the loving arms of druggy drug drugs.
  9. E.Mil

    E.Mil Community Champion

    It would be hard for me to kick my kid out of the house. I don't know how old this kid is, but living on the streets at any age doesn't do any good. Living on the streets makes the drugs even more accessible.
  10. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I totally agree with what you say, kicking a kid out is leaving him on his own when he more needs help, but at the same time there are more people living there and they need to be accounted for too.
  11. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    It's a tough situation, that's why I don't think that any one answer works for these scenarios. Each one is different with a different set of circumstances. It's up to the parents to do the best they can for all parties involved. Sometimes parents are only human too! They might make the wrong choice, for the best reasons.
    MrsJones likes this.
  12. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I don't really want to accuse the mother of being irresponsible but this is a kid we're talking about. If that's someone in his late teens or twenty's, then I'd be more reconciled. To do that to a child who's still helpless and unable to stand on his own is just a tad bit cruel. Besides, the child wouldn't have been like that if the mother did her part and guarded her kid well. Rather than blame the kid, she should own up to the responsibility of correcting him. Just like that mother who dragged her son away from the Freddie Gray riot. Mothers should be like that.
  13. bavinnie

    bavinnie Member

    Well, just look at the result now he's living on the streets and how exactly is the act of his own mother kicking him out onto the streets, and then living there presumably doing even worse things in a now more desperate situation, was it right? With the small amount of details I'd have to say no, and I wouldn't have done it myself but on the other hand, not one of us knows what the actual events leading up to this particular event were.
  14. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    Wow, I wonder how that mother could live with herself after kicking her kid out. If I had a kid who, without giving me any notice, didn't come home for one night, I'd be out of my head. I can't imagine what would drive a parent to such extreme action. In my mind nothing could be so bad that I'd throw my son or daughter out of the house. If I'd get to tired of them that it affected my health, I would try and make alternative housing arrangements for them.
  15. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    For him eventually bogart, but what we are discussing here is that the world doesn't turn around him only, there are other people involved and from a certain point on we just need to say enough.
  16. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I don't want to say this, but sometimes it's an impossible situation and the whole family cracks under pressure and seems to be collapsing, so we need to see the big picture too.
  17. Miaka_M

    Miaka_M Active Contributor

    Oh my goodness, I understand that the parents may be upset, but to kick your child out of the house and know that they are living on the streets is a horrible thing for any parent to do. I don't think that I can do that to my children at all. Maybe grounding them or calling for some help from an organization might have been more appropriate for them.
  18. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I don't think you are seeing the severity of the situation Miaka, we are talking about a drug addict that took possession of the body of our kid. We know he is still inside, but his actions are the ones from a common criminal.
  19. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think sending him to rehab forcibly would be the better option than kicking him out. Did he do something terribly awful that's why he got kicked out? Maybe he stole money from his mom that made her angry. Or his mom was past her boiling point already. There must be something that triggered the last straw.
  20. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    My fiancée's aunt did this to her son and it was the best thing she ever did. He was violent to his dad and sister, he was stealing, he stole and sold his dads wedding ring and the dealers he was using threatened to rape his sister because they had not been paid. She kicked him out and sent him to a shelter and he got clean, got a place and when he was clean and showed responsibility she asked him to move back in.
    sunflogun likes this.