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Kids on the straight and narrow

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by Janie, Jan 21, 2015.

  1. Janie

    Janie Active Contributor

    Have you ever been to a party, our hung out with a group of friends, where one person refuses to either drink or do drugs with everyone, yet still hangs out and has a good time? What do you think is different about them? I mean, all kids can be drawn to experiment with their peers, but why do some completely resist the temptation? What do you think is different about these people? Do you know one of them, or are you one of them? What can we learn from them in regards to hanging out with our friends who are still using?
  2. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    My son says he's that person. Mind you he is by no means perfect. As I alluded somewhere in this forum he might have another addiction, but it's not drugs or alcohol. I paused and put this question to him and he said what he's always said. Neither appeal to him and he has nothing to prove. I told him others would say they have nothing to prove but he felt some who said that were just lying. He was also quick to add that many just "like it" plain and simple.

    Janie, I have to say , I have similar questions to yours. Why do some have this insatiable desire for drugs and alcohol, while others couldn't care less. I can only conclude it's because we are all "wired" differently .
  3. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I have wondered about this too. There was this one guy in our group who never touched a drop of alcohol and always said no to drugs. Yet he would hang out and stay up all night with us and have a great time! Looking back, he was a pretty happy and confident guy in general and maybe this was it - he just felt comfortable in his own skin and didn't have any problems that he was trying to blot out.
  4. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I have friends like this but usually it's one or the other. If they like drinking then they probably aren't going to like everything else and vice versa. I have met a few people who dislike both though and they still come hang out with us. I think it's just a matter of preference as even those people still have some of their own quirks or addictions such as video games.
  5. JonMark

    JonMark Active Contributor

    This topic is so vast because I'm now at the age of being on both sides of that. But as I've said before on this forum, when I did do drugs, it was a phase of experimentation and it didn't last long. I didn't have a interest in staying under when I had things to do. Those things were harder for me to complete if I was too loaded to do them. But then, eventually, I moved on and did more without them and it's pretty much stayed that way. I'll indulge in it sometimes but I'm often berated about it by my mom which is so annoying that I either drink a beer in defiance or not bother because of it. I guess in the end, the choice is less about the addiction so there's really nothing to recall or to hinge on as a need for it.
  6. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    I think it's a question of will power, and being sure of your self and confident in yourself. Growing up, I got along with just about everyone but I was never much of a drinker or drug user. It just never appealed to me. I never felt the need to do it in order to fit in. I still had a normal social life.
  7. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    Yes, I know people like this, and I was somebody like that. When I was in high school, a lot of my friends smoked cigarettes, smoked weed, drank liquor. They would come to my house when my parents were out of town on the weekend and raid my daddy's bar. I didn't smoke anything. I didn't drink even though I had access to liquor everyday (my daddy would sometimes drink like a fish and kept a stocked bar).

    After high school, I still hung out with some of those friends, and by this time they were into smoking crack, snorting coke, shooting heroin. I would be in the same room with them while they were smoking, snorting... on and on... but it didn't appeal to me. (Eventually, after my 21st birthday, I decided to smoke weed with them, but I still didn't indulge in the other stuff. Years later, I got into taking pills, but they did not.)

    What kept me away from the drugs that my friends took on a daily basis was that I was just into other stuff.
    I read a lot, I wrote a lot, I was into photography. I was in my own little world, and that world did not include certain drugs.
    Plus, my parents (my mom especially) were super-strict. Most of my friends could smoke cigarettes at home, they could curse. My mom did not play that. I wasn't even allowed to have friends in my room.
  8. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    Some really take to heart the warnings and don't want to take the chance of ending up in trouble with the law, doing poorly at school, getting sick, addicted or ending up dead from an accidental overdose. I know I was one who really believed if I even tried something I wouldn't make it home alive.
  9. Jumcakes

    Jumcakes Member

    I have friends who have succumbed to peer pressure and regretted it, and this was influential in how I responded to such situations when I found myself in positions where others around me were using drugs and drinking. It's a matter of confidence but also it could just be one's own decision - they don't want to do something and their friends aren't going to change that mindset.
  10. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    My daughter is that type of person. She is twenty now, and has moved away. She moved from here to get away from all the bad stuff that happens here. Everyone she knows here likes to drink as well as other things and party. She hates that kind of thing she has always been the type that stays focused on her future, and education. She tells me all the time. She is glad she moved or she would be just like the ones that are still here. That girl can't stand the party crowd even when she was in it.
  11. ryan0039

    ryan0039 Active Contributor

    I do think some people have different kinds of minds and there are definitely different levels of potential addiction in a person. I tend not to drink or do anything when I'm with friends, but luckily for me all of my friends happen to be very straight-edge as well. It isn't worth risking my future or anything just to do those kinds of things, especially since I'm aware of my own addictive personality.
  12. forehandflick

    forehandflick Member

    My room mate in college was this way. He was my good friend because we both didn't drink or smoke and I enjoyed that, but he still realized that there was a whole culture in college that revolved around drinking and smoking and dealt with it really well. I, on the other hand, cannot be around anyone at all who smokes or drinks so my social situations were quite different than the ones he found himself in.
  13. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I agree with you. I have a lot of friends who use different substances recreationally and a lot of friends who don't touch anything at all and yet they all get along very well all the time. It's really just about having boundaries and learning to respect others'. Thankfully the people I've met so far have good heads on their shoulders regardless of their habits so we never even really had to talk about it and instead we all just get along naturally.
  14. Friele

    Friele Member

    Yes, I have and I have always liked to party, but not to get the buzz and loosing control that drugs and alcohol gives you. I would stay out all night and party with everyone totally sober, then come home and snuggle up wuth a good beer and a movie. But 1 beer, because I liked the taste but not the buzz, today its better because f the non-alcoholic beer you can get.
    I have met people all my life who like to have fun,party and socialize but DON'T like the buzz , they like to be themselves, clear headed and remember everything.
    You can still like to dance and have fun without liking to get buzzed,fuzzy memory and loose balance. Remember how much fun you had at parties from 7-11? Some just keeps on having that kind of fun as they grow.
    Some have tried once and didn't like it, others don't see the point in trying alcohol,nicotine or drugs.

    Many who use alcohol and drugs do it because it helps them not to feel the pain, not not remember that incident that hurt, and using alcohol or drugs after made it all seem ok.
    Hurt can come in so many ways, rejection from a girl/boy, an attempt to make you do something you don't want to, being slapped around, scared ect. In many cases we don't even reflect over it and "don't "remember .
  15. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Take me as an example. I don't do drugs because I was raised in a home where one parent was an alcoholic. I learned all I needed to know about drug abuse from him and his friends, people he worked with who were also alcoholics. Most of the friends I've had were addicted to some substance but I never touched any of that stuff even when it was offered. So I suppose sometimes parenting, positive or negative can make people detest drugs.

    That you can also end up being like them if you don't watch out? It's easy to think you are strong but should something bad happen and you don't have the right foundation [that will make you resist drugs no matter what] should bad things happen and your friends who abuse drugs advice you "try something" [so you can forget] then you just might fall. Don't embrace temptation if you can avoid it.
  16. goldenmaine

    goldenmaine Active Contributor

    I think these people have strong conviction, principles and discipline. They may have already thought hard about rejecting these substances and are already immune to those who constantly offer them these. We can greatly learn from them because we have friends that are into these substances but we still want to hang out with them because they are our friends. With the discipline of these certain kinds of people, we can adapt their values so that we may also be able to reject offers but still can hang out and have fun with our close friends.
  17. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Those kids have either a good upbringing with supportive family and friends or are inherently resilient. Kids who are wide readers, know what they want in life and have empathy for the world at large are likely to tread the straight and narrow path than kids who just want to have fun all the time but get little support or care at home. Good books humble readers and hone their empathy skills. The more empathy you have, the more you understand yourself, other people and how this world works. When you understand why things happen the way they do, you're less likely to get confused and swerve the wrong path.