I'm learning how to live with my addiction to heroin and pain pills. I was sick of being sick and playing the game to get high. I was a functioning addict for most of my life. As long as I had a good job home car ext. I didn't have a drug problem. a long time back My niece told my sister "I know why auntie is so skinny. My sister asked my niece "why?" She answered " because she sleeps while she eats." My sister looks over the table at me. I got my fork up to my mouth sleeping at the thanks giving dinner table. My family thought I was just tired from my job. I was always traveling somewhere and on call 24/7. They never thought I was snorting 5 80mg oxys before I came over for dinner. I'm an introvert I always had problems being arnd people. I self medicated with opiates to walk into a store be arnd people, do my job ext. Crack n cocaine to clean my house, followed by benzos n heroin to come down. acid mushrooms to chill n do puzzles. i started shooting heroin because I wasnt getting high enough from just snorting it. Drugs were a part of my life a part of me. I started making wrong choices. I was beaten and shot. This still wasn't enough to stop me from using. My excessive use of opiates were my down fall. They became the only part of my life that mattered. How do I learn to live without drugs in my life?? I just got tired of dealing with all the bs. All the games. Bottom line I was sick of being sick!! Detoxing from drugs is the easy part . Learning to live without them was hard for me. Everyone has there own way of dealing with life and choices we make. I'm just starting to make the right ones now. I've experienced and learned a lot from my past. Now I'm moving forward learning how to live with my issues in an effective way. Not how I had been for so many yrs. I didn't want to go swimming or where a tank top because I didn't want anyone to see the scar from the gun shot that almost took off my head. I didn't want to talk abt it. It still can't it brings tears to my eyes when someone asks me what happened. I'm slowly starting to talk abt it now to get over the PDSD. I'm so blessed to have the people I brought into my life now, and letting go of the violent past I was living. Its a new beginning for me. I'm starting to feel alive again. I wasnt doing that for a long time because of my addiction. Im building new relationships with my family and children. The choices I make today to continue my recovery have made my life worth living. 2 years ago I was ready to die. I thought I would never stop being addicted to drugs. If it's possible for a 30 yr addict like me it's possible for anyone I been down almost every road to recovery. I finally found the one that's right for me. I'm learning to live with my addiction.