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Letting an Addict Live with you

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Deeishere, Feb 22, 2016.

  1. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor

    Have you let a love one stay with you who was on drugs or alcohol? My brother seem to be doing better (at lease he said he was) and I asked his son to allow him to stay with him. At first things were going well, but then he began to act out. He started getting very angry, hostile and accusing his son of things that was not true. Needless to say, he had him to leave. I never let my brother stay with me since I live in another state. I have all girls and I would fear that he would just be out-of-control. He has mention moving to get away from old friends, but I believe if he is not ready to change no matter where he goes he will have problems. :(
    kgord likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Deeishere... My wife and I had our son living with us for a few years while he was abusing drugs. But my advice to anyone is not to do it. By giving a loved one a place to stay while they're using is to enable them. You are giving them a roof over their head, food, etc. and making it easier for them to continue their habit. It wasn't until my wife and I told our son he either had to go to rehab or leave our home that he started to get serious about getting clean. The other problem with letting an addicted loved one stay with you is that you tend to get addicted to their addiction. Living with an addict is incredibly difficult. It's very easy for you to be affected by their lifestyle, moods, etc. I do not recommend it.
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  3. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    We have a few relatives who are addicts. They mostly reside in the province. And for me, I don't think I can let them stay at our house simply because we have a two-year-old baby. I wouldn't want to risk my baby by exposing him and letting him live in a house with those relatives.

    Plus, they do have houses in there. The problem remains that they think their families would always be with them. And so they abuse drugs despite them having no regular work and just gets money from their husbands or wives. And I think that's not only dangerous because their kids are with them, but also very sad. They expose their kids to their addiction tendencies and they never know if they can always control themselves.
  4. Nancy D.

    Nancy D. Senior Contributor

    I have never done this before but I probably would. I would be a little nervous and constantly giving them attention. I would want them to know that I support them but I will not be a fool for them. First of all they will have to follow all rules set up and understand why there are rules. I have to know that they are serious candidates for recovery. I personally have not had to deal with this type of situation but this is what I would think to do.
  5. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor

    Thanks for sharing that information with me. We didn't want him to influence our daughters. I don't even know is he on alcohol only or drugs too (I know he did take them). I know when he lived with our father many years ago, he would steal. Stealing was the breaking point and my father had him to leave. I know what you are saying is called, tough love.

  6. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor

    Oh yeah that would be a big problem with a baby present. Not to mention you would always have to be alert and watchful. I only think it would be safe to have a family member stay with me if they are really sincere about quitting. They have to be really striving to change. It has to be more than just talk. Like the famous saying, "Action speak louder than words." I knew that there was not a real change in him when he tried to stay with his son. Within a few days he was really acting out that I feared for my nephew's life. He can be very angry and loud when he is upset. My brother has stayed in rehab so many times I can't even count.

  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    My husband is an alcoholic and drug user. I live on edge all the time. I never know when he is going to snap. He can be just silly or he can turn angry in a minute. You never know what is going to make him snap. He had a lot of demons going on inside him because of his past and he can't seem to let them go. I will not allow him to drink when my granddaughter is around because I don't want her to see him that way. It is awful living with an addict. If he wasn't my husband I am not sure I would be able to tolerate it like I do.
  8. explorerx7

    explorerx7 Senior Contributor

    It's difficult to accommodate someone in this state in your home especially when there are children around. There is so much consideration for safety and possible loss of property. Some of them can be very unstable, suddenly becoming disruptive without any warning.
  9. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    Having a loved one who is addicted to drugs or alcohol live with you can be a risky situation. While you may feel the need to help a loved one out as they struggle with their addiction, there are limits to the extent at which you can help them. Also, there is always the risk of the addict abusing their stay by taking advantage of money or other resources for drugs and alcohol. Furthermore, the loved ones opening their home need to make sure that they are not enabling the addict's habit in any way. Ultimately, the addict needs to want to help themselves in order to recover from addiction. Successful recovery requires the addict to want to change.
  10. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    I lived with addicts most of my life and it wasn't pleasant.

    The last time I had one of my cousins living with me he always came home late. dead drunk and if I was asleep he'd wake me and have me listen to him carp about how unlucky he was, etc, etc. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore but couldn't get him to budge. I let him have my apartment and since then I'm not that willing to have any addicts live with me.
  11. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    I've lived with an addict before. When I had to live with an addict this person stole and played con games all the time. My only problem with living with drug addicts is they can't be trusted. It's not a myth that crack addicts steal some do it in different ways but they will do it. My suggestion unless the person is recovered don't let them live with you.
  12. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    All of the above. Some of them will steal from you as well. Steal from their own family??? Yes.

    Sometimes, their friends aren't exactly people you want coming to your home either. There are other dangers as well. I've heard that you can have your house taken away under certain circumstances, if their drugs are found in your home (I imagine it has to be sale weight, but yeah, not worth the risk in my opinion).
    deanokat likes this.
  13. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I haven't had an addict live with me - I was the one who was addicted - but I can understand what others are saying about the fact that it can sometimes allow people to continue their habit. If you're giving them free board, meals, whatever - then they're able to use whatever money coming in more easily on their substance of choice. It's hard but sometimes I do think you have to go down the tough love road (easier said than done at times I know).
    deanokat likes this.
  14. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor

    I agree. It reminds me of an incurable disease which has no respect of persons. The disease can destroy your whole family no matter if it's a baby or senior citizen. Like an addict, they have no control over what they are doing (until they want help to be free) so they take everyone down the dark path.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Yes, it may be hard or even almost impossible for all those involved, but subsizing an addict by letting them live there for free, is just letting them take advantage of you. They need to deal with their disease, dragging you along for the ride is not fair to you, or God forbid if you have children in the mix.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I haven't let an addict stay with me since I don't know anyone who is an addict, so I'm quite fortunate that there are no bad influences around me. Even if an addict says that they are already clean it's still hard to take their word for it, you know?
  17. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Aw, that's such a difficult situation both for you and your nephew. I just wish his father manages to recover. That's quite true, the change has to come from them. It has to be within them and not just because we asked them to. Because no matter how much we force them, if they are not ready yet, they will not be able to quit the addiction. All you and your nephew can do for now is wait until he is ready and willing to make that change.
  18. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    When I was in collage, I was living in the college dormitory. The room could accommodate three people but we were only two people living there. One day, a guy I had know in the collage came to us asking whether he could shift in. We agreed instantly, but then he said he was an addict. We wanted to help him thus we allowed to stay with us.
  19. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    In my opinion, it depends on the people living in the house. If they are disciplined adults, an addict will be forced to quit. But with children and young people around, they can be easily influenced and pose a negative impact on them.

    If the purpose of an addict coming to live with you is to get him clean, then you must be ready for some real work; it is never easy.
  20. razzer64

    razzer64 Member

    Yes I believe influence is definitely a problem. If your not part of the crowd or your in an environment where drugs alcohol cannot be avoided.