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Letting go of friends

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Deeishere, Mar 18, 2016.

  1. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor

    I had recently seen this movie about a wealthy woman who was also an alcoholic. She was unhappy in her marriage so she decided to leave her husband and marry a struggling doctor. He seem to married her because she had money. He became a successful surgeon and then ignored her. She continue to drink and eventually tried to commit suicide. She did survive and one of her sons really reached out to her along with a pastor. She was on the road to recovery. What stood out to me was the fact that most of her friends were drinkers. When she went back to the party filled with drinkers they looked at her strange and seem to tolerate her presence, since she no longer would drink. It got me to thinking, it’s best to leave your past behind even if it means giving up friends. Some friends are just not good for us. Are there people you had to let go of on your new journey?
    Tsky45 likes this.
  2. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    That is what friends with benefits do; they only need you because they can share their bad habits with you. They do not love you unconditionally. It is true that when a person is recovering from whatever addiction, he should leave his past habits and friends who influence behind because temptation arises for everyone. You may be back to square one.
    Deeishere likes this.
  3. Dilof

    Dilof Member

    It's hard to leave friends behind but sometimes it necessary to achieve anything.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    The first step to quit any kind of addiction is by getting away from from the circle of friends who are into addiction. In most case, addiction starts from the company of friends. It starts with curiosity and then moves to getting high. Therefore, try to leave addict friends behind and start your quitting journey.
  5. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    Often to only find out who your true friends are when you stop abusing alcohol or drugs. It then might come as a shock to you that in essence you might have very little in common with your drinking or drug buddies. The gradual separation from those false friends tends to happen in a natural way as you don't seem to have many common interests anymore, such as drinking or taking drugs.
    Deeishere likes this.
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    When fighting an addiction you have to stay away from the friends who you used to do drugs with because they could be the ones who make you relapse. Those who weren't true friends won't want to be around you when you stop using drugs so without doing anything they'll just drift out of your life.

    However since all humans crave interaction with other humans, you'll need to get yourself new friends. Try volunteering or go to church if you are religious. These new people you meet might prove to be better friends than the ones who were in your life only because you used drugs with them.
  7. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Sometimes even though it's hard to do, one should really let go of friends who only influence him/negatively. I also had to do that when I decided to quit drinking alcohol. I realized that I was only wasting my life with the vice and part of quitting meant letting go of the people I thought were my friends. I realized they were not my real friends but they were just my drinking buddies.
  8. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    You definitely have to give up using friends to become sober. That is a big part of my daughter's problem with Meth. She loves her friends and they drag her back down. When I stopped using all drugs and drinking when I was pregnant, my whole friend structure changed. The old friends slipped away and new ones entered my life. Sadly, most of my old friends are now dead. Many haven't even made it to 50 years old :(
  9. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    It's always best to be around those who support you. If you stay surrounded by things from your past you will most likely revert back to it. Having people who don't share your old habits around you can make things much easier. Bad company corrupts good habits it's best to keep the right company.
  10. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Well, in my opinion, there are friends and there are drinking buddies. Sometimes they can be both, but you usually don't leave those behind. But I believe drinking buddies are not as bad as drug buddies. Drug buddies are really the bottom of the barrel.
  11. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I had to leave friends behind that would enable my drinking. All they wanted to do was drink, and so it was easy when I was around them to just drink all the time too. When I realized I needed to commit to sobriety they didn't understand why I needed to change - and at that point I knew I had to step away from those friendships. I had to remind myself that it was okay to put myself first for a change.
  12. Deeishere

    Deeishere Active Contributor


    That is so true. It could be with any struggle or habit. I remember one of my best friends was trying to lose weight and her husband knew it, yet he was bringing in all kinds of cakes and cookies into their home. It makes me wonder was he trying to sabotage her weight loss.
  13. eveliner

    eveliner Senior Contributor

    It isn't only friends that should be put aside, but every single element that you may feel it's interfering with your recovery process. Unfortunately, most people do not have this much willingness so to speak, whether they indirectly or directly realize it.

    I did use to drink and smoke, but with enormous support coming from both my at-the-time-new friends and family I managed to get back on my feet in good time before it was too late. I don't have enough thanks to address to them to be honest.
  14. SashaS

    SashaS Community Champion

    I guess you can relate it to "peer pressure" whereby your friends cause you to do things you would otherwise avoid, namely drugs/alcohol/illegal acts. I think that there is no shame in avoiding people who are ruining your life, its not exactly selfish because even though you are doing it for your own good, you could be indirectly saving the lives of others around you such as family members by avoiding things like drugs.

    If those friends are very close to you and have some sort of emotional attachment, then perhaps its worth a try to help them get off whatever they are doing that is negatively impacting their life and if that does not work, show them what this thing is doing to them by leaving them. Then perhaps they will wake up and realize what they have done and befriend you as a new person again. Or they might ruin their own life, in which case you should still be happy because you avoided that situation from happening to you.
  15. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I had been hanging out with a certain group of people during my addiction years, but I can't really say that I considered them my friends or that I had any feelings of affection towards them. They were just some guys I was drinking with, and nothing more. Needless to say, after I became sober and got into recovery, they turned their backs on me, and some of them didn't notice my absence at all. They were drunk most of the time, and so was I, thus I can't tell whether they were nice people or not, but I don't regret cutting them out of my life.
  16. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I'd hardly those who drink or do drugs with someone friends, I rather call them vice buddies, because to me that is what they are. I think leaving those behind shouldn't be hard if you are serious about recovery, if you are still tempted t might be the hardest thing you will ever do. Those people don't get along so well with you once you stop using or drinking because they are not real friends... they are just ''activity'' pals.
  17. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    True that there are friends or people that we need to leave behind in order to move forward. It is part of life to lose some people as we get older cause they were really have to be just a part of your past.
  18. When all your friends are addicted, and your relationship is based solely or mostly around drunken nights, you're never going to get off the booze without letting them go. Getting off alcohol not as easy as being dry, it's a lifestyle change, and sometimes you absolutely have to cut the ties for your own good.
  19. ejorman1010

    ejorman1010 Senior Contributor

    I've had many friends that come and go. In the moment, it is the worst feeling in the world to lose a friend, but in hindsight, you realize it was the best thing to ever happen. Some people drive you down the wrong path and you have to let go of those people. They may seem like good fun, but it only lasts so long.
  20. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    It really is best to leave it all behind. There's nothing good to come from hanging around people that still engage in those activities and have a problem themselves.