I feel I need to give you all some background information before I begin. About 9 years ago my husband and myself lost two of our children for almost a year due to METH ADDICTION. We got the chance to clean ourselves up and get them back and that's exactly what we did. I quit cold turkey, did my drug classes, fought the beast every single day to stay clean and poured all my attention and love into my kids. Shortly after becoming clean I was gifted with another baby. So staying clean was not a option it was a have to for my kids sake.My husband stayed clean also for a while. We moved to where we are now five years ago and slowly he became more withdrawn from me and the kids. Always being gone and never inside for long. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would still be outside at 2 am digging in his worm bed. When questioned he would deny it, even to me and I knew the signs as I had been there before myself. This went on for while and then one day it got even more apparent that he was on METH again.For the fist time I was on the other side of this addiction. While I wanted to be supportive and be his loving understanding wife, there was this part of me that could not understand. I would find pipes and other drug stuff in his truck and cigarette packs, he would deny it being his of course. It began building this big wall between us the more it went on. I began to hate the fact that he was on METH again and felt as though he was throwing us away for it. I also could not see how after losing so much before how he could be using again. The stress kept building and building and I slowly started not understanding at all, not wanting to. I just hated him and METH and I was somewhere I hated being period. Rumors started around town about him with other girls and of course I could see the possibility as METH is the biggest sex drug ever created. In that year from the time I found the first pipe to the end of it I had drove everyone around me away and had made him not even want to talk to me. I was mad, hurt, and I was in a I hate it mode that i could not get out of. I would express my hate for all the METH HEADS and it was like this part of me forgot that I use to be there before. Then as time went on we had slipped away from each other and the only thing holding us together at all was the kids. We argued like two people who had never loved each other and I hated him like I had never hated anyone in my life. I hated the fact that I loved him cause had I not then I would not be hurting like I was. Eight months ago he ended up getting arrested and being sent to prison. Hurt, I don't think I have ever felt hurt like I do now. I still love him and can't wait until he gets out clean again. But that's where I have issues, this whole town is METH HEADS and I am afraid that we will have to move to be able to keep him clean and be happy together as a family. Moving though is something our kids don't want to do. Why do I have to up root them to keep their farther clean. It is not fair to them and at what point do I stop worrying about it and just let it be. I don't know which side is worse to be honest. The METH side you know you are hurting loved ones and you just can't stop doing it. The sober side your being hurt by the METH USERS and there is nothing you can do about it. So your left standing on a mountain by yourself not understanding from neighter direction and not knowing what to do.