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Link between domestic abuse and drugs/alcohol

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by morganmar33, Jan 17, 2015.

  1. morganmar33

    morganmar33 Member

    Do you have a story of physical abuse related to drugs/alcohol? I have friends who are in relationships with people who physically harm them when they were high or drunk. Also, child abuse. Any suggestions on how to help?
  2. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I have an older friend who used to get beat by her drunk husband. He would stalk her at work, follow her everywhere, and when she was at home at night with her babies he would go out and get drunk. When he got home, he would be in a drunken rage and he would chase her, hit her, throw her down the stairs, threaten her with knifes, etc. Right in front of the children. For a situation like that, I firmly believe the person being abused needs to leave, even if it's hard. Your friends should really leave their abuser.
    I don't know of any child abuse stories though, sorry.
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    There are some neighbors here who become violent when drunk and we could here him abusing his family.
    I have a friend before who confessed to us that his father is hurting her mother when drunk and all we can say is that talk to her mother and ask her to do something about it to make the abuse stop.
  4. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't have any personal friends or family who were abused, fortunately, but I have watched a good number of interviews and documentaries of other people who went through it and eventually found comfort in abusing substances. Ultimately the reason for doing so usually just stems from a need to numb the pain and to escape their memories of the past, and I think that is tragic since they have been victimized by others enough already that it is saddening to see them victimize themselves because of it.
  5. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    In most cases those who are abused choose to stick around because either they are terrified that their spouse would hunt them down and probably murder them or they depend financially on the spouse, have nowhere else to go, etc and are forced by those circumstances to stay around whether they like it or not. If one is able to support/himself or herself then they should leave.
  6. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    I definitely think that there's a link there. My mother is an alcoholic and for the majority of my childhood she would beat me. I didn't have a ton of friends when I was a kid so I would beg my mom to play with me, and when she wouldn't I would keep asking. Nothing extravagant, just like play beauty parlor with me or play barbies or watch a movie with me, things that a mother should love to do with her little girl. But instead, she would smack me, or throw a desk chair through my wall, or throw my laptop down a flight of stairs, or throw me down our wooden deck stairs when my brothers friends were over in the pool, or drag me by my hair back into my room, or corner me in the kitchen and beat the crap out of me. She only did it when she was drunk, which was most of the time, and she always said that she drank because I drove her to drink. But I was just a little kid who wanted to spend time with her mommy.
  7. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I have known of people who have become violent as a result of being high on marijuana. Some have argued it can't be the marijuana, but I have seen otherwise. I believe anyone being abused should do whatever it takes to get out of an abusive relationship, but I hear it's usually easier said than done.
  8. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    My heart goes out to you. No child should have to endure what you went through. Now you are all grown up, were you able to forgive your mom for her mistakes and has she cleaned herself up? I hope the wounds have healed. So sad what we put our children through because of our addictions. It should never happen.
  9. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    My workmate is married to an alcoholic. He's abusive both physically and emotionally to her and just yesterday,she turned up for work with a busted lip. He had physically abused her the previous night and she had to seek refuge in her neighbor's house. They have been together for the past five years and i advised her that since she has never been happy in that marriage, she needed to take a break from it and think if she really wanted to stay in it.
  10. LinB

    LinB Senior Contributor

    For me it was a case of child abuse. I was physically beaten almost everyday for more than 7 years by my stepfather. He used to smoke marijuana, and that was the source of my childhood troubles. I have forgiven him though.
  11. LinB

    LinB Senior Contributor

    Your analysis is correct. Most times it's for both reasons. In the case of my mother, she was a dependant on him and also there was fear in leaving.
  12. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I do know of situations where there was domestic violence involved with drug use. Drugs can make a person more on edge and often violent, thus triggering them to react violently to little things.
  13. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    I don't think alcohol should be an excuse to get violent. Personally, I have never been violent when I am drunk and I would not support anyone who beats up his family when drunk.
  14. I have a cousin who is actually going thru a similar situation, although I struggle to understand why you is adamant about staying with him. All I can do is let her know family is here, and that there is options to reach out for help. Although their relationship is okay half the time, every time he is high he insists on physically abusing my cousin. It worries me because kids are involved and I am terrified of the level of abuse he will steep to if provoked in a wrong way. I constantly try and reach out to my cousin and offer her information to resources who help battered woman. And I always encourage her to make the best choices with her kids interest. They say you can never understand why a battered woman stays until you been in abusive relationship, but I just cant comprehend why you would get into that type of relationship in the first place. Praying for battered woman and men!
  15. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Now many options to help those who don't want to be helped. I know a woman, she is quite old... she is in her 60's, yet she is dumb enough to stay with a guy she has to financially support, she bought him a car, he cheats on her, treats her very badly, insults her... and to top it off he is an alcoholic pot smoker. Some people never learn, some people are just too dumb no matter how old they are! Experience my *ss! Can't fix dumb or heal ''overly dependent'' people. They need to figure it all out by themselves.
  16. SharkyJen998

    SharkyJen998 Active Contributor

    Well I personally have been in an abusive relationship. There was no correlation between getting high/drinking and then violence resulting, but rather drugs/drinking were a way for both of us to individually cope. We certainly could help reduce the violence by getting high on marijuana, for example.

    You asked for on advice on how to help your friend. I am very sorry for both you and your friend. It depends on how serious the abuse is. If your friend is getting hurt, then you need to do whatever you can to convince her of that. You will want to support her as best you can, but sadly many times the victim will return to the abuser. She may feel like there is no other choice than to return. Try to gently remind her that she can escape and that you will help as best you can.