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Living a triple life....

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Luis88, Jan 22, 2020.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Ok thanks brother, this sucks because the medicine is the best working pill I have been on,it works very very well besides the side effects which I pray that's all it is.Thank You Again
    Davers likes this.
  2. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    No problem brother. I pray it keeps working for you too and no other side effects arise.
  3. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Swollen feet also could be a sign of something going on with your heart. They will swell if your heart is not strong enough to pump the water out so it accumulates at the lowest point in our bodies thats usally in our ankles.

    But it could be the medication lowering your heart rate or blood pressure to much as well.

    You should weigh yourself in the morning and keep track of that do it again next morming and if you gained any weight its probably water weight and that's dangerous because its showing something is wrong
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    This med crap is like Russian roulette. So depakote makes you gain weight anyways so the Dr is putting me on 10mg extended release Adderall to curb the constant hunger and weight gain.I mean am I really this unstable?I will admit I have no ceiling and my anger and anxiety smash together and I potentially do something stupid or dangerous or even deadly,these things happen without a conscious thought of potential results or what the outcome maybe,usually it's myself I constantly put in harm's way because the consequences never register until it's to late,I never try to hurt anyone myself included but I don't recognize when something is over the line or dangerous or even deadly, not because I choose not to recognize it just something in my brain doesn't and I end up emotionally a wreck because I just want to help not hurt,so ya I guess I am that messed up.Damnit,Lord forgive me and please father guide me so I can do wonderful things for other's in a selfless way,in Jesus's name I pray Amen
  5. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    @Luis88 hello and welcome. Are you using both coke and opiods? Stopping the coke is easier because there are no physical withdrawal symptoms. If you need help getting off opiates find a methadone clinic near you. They offer both methadone and suboxone plus counseling. They will help you find state funding or apply for Medicaid. Just because you don't have insurance is no reason to not seek help. Also NA, AA and SMART meetings are free. They have online meetings. You need therapy to help with why you are an addict. Working on those issues will help you to maintain sobriety once you achieve it. As much as you don't want to, secrets keep us sick, you need to be honest with your wife. She may surprise you. If you have a plan it will go a long way toward building her trust. Don't promise not to use again. You can't make that promise. Many of us relapse. We are here for you.
  6. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I haven't even read all the posts yet. Its the depakote! Did the same thing to,me! They gave me an MRI because they thought I might have a tumor! I know my seizure meds. What you are taking it for is off label use. Trust me on this one bro! Depakote! (Talk to your doctor as I'm not a doctor)
    Having said that all this started when you started it. It has to reach ceiling levels to be effective, when it does you also reach ceiling side effects!
    Go to the doctor! Now ill read what everyone said.
  7. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Secrets keep us sick! So true!
    Davers and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  8. Luis88

    Luis88 Member

    Sorry for replying all late I work in the oilfield and my schedule is demanding. I’ve taken your advice and started practicing better habits and to keep my mind busy I dusted off my old Nintendo 64 and started playing the legend of Zelda. Damn it’s so much fun the graphics are meh! Lol but still I ran into some kratom packets at a gas station I bought one that’s a red strain I haven’t opened it yet but I want to do research on it before taking it. I am feeling better mentally and I’m trying my best to be optimistic.
    Davers and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  9. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Cool man that's good to hear your on the road to recovery. Red Kratom can be very sedating so make sure and try that at home incase it makes you sleepy. It will definitely help you sleep through the night though if your having problem with restlessness. Right on man glad to hear your doing good.

    That's one of my favorite hobbies myself. I'm a computer gamer and it helps keep my mind busy and out of trouble.

    If you need energy euphoria and motivation go with a white strain. I would go 3 grams a dose.
    Davers and Luis88 like this.
  10. Luis88

    Luis88 Member

    Hello! I am using both I consume 5 hydrocodones a day. And 4 50s of coke a week. I use to consume a lot more back then but like I’ve posted I buy within my budget. I’m trying to find a NA meeting near me but the websites are confusing to be honest. I’m also trying to work up the courage to tell my wife I’m just afraid of the consequences
    Davers and Joshstillclean like this.
  11. Luis88

    Luis88 Member

    I’m still using though I have to shamefully admit but I’m starting to have that part of my brain say what the fluck do you need that ship for. So it’s progress
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  12. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    That's where we have to start brother in our mind first and our actions will follow. That's the first step of recovery is admitting there is a problem. Next work on it and work on that shame. Shame is there to keep us sick hold your head high my friend.
    True concern, Davers and Luis88 like this.
  13. Luis88

    Luis88 Member

    Hello!! Sorry for not replying to your post my job is very demanding. I’ve read your other posts and I want to say god bless you. I hope you will start to feel a whole tons better. My dad was a very sick man and I would see the pain he had in him and the frustration he had because he just wanted to feel better. I read somewhere that positive vibes have a way to travel to another person. So ima keep you In my prayers and send you all the positive vibes your way my friend
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  14. Luis88

    Luis88 Member

    On that shame thing I really really try, but it’s like a blanket but you know what I accept it and instead of sitting on it ima concert it into positive energy and write those negative thoughts in my journal so they can stay there
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  15. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    That's a great ideal. Try to find the positives in every situation and understand that life is a never ending learning process that we learn through by making mistakes. There is no right or wrong, only social ideals of morality. But when something is making us sick we know it and we must fix it. There is no shame in that. Good luck my friend I know you can do it.
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2020
    Luis88 likes this.
  16. Luis88

    Luis88 Member

    Is
    So true about secrets making one sick. I know I’m stressing myself out when I shouldn’t be. If I were completely honest I wouldn’t be in my predicament right now worrying about hiding withdrawals, or about my wife finding out.
  17. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Have you withdrawn cold turkey before from coke my friend?
    I relapsed on it a couple or few weeks ago. And shot up a lot of it. It brought it all back. I remember stopping it well. Its just the first few days that are physically hard. Only because your really tired and depressed. After that if you stay distracted its not so bad. If like a shot now. Honest. But I won't entertain the thought. The mind is a powerful thing. If you can harness control,of your thoughts which is hard then you'll find it much easier. I really did do a lot bro, in just two days...
    And when it was daily OMY !!!
    Don't work yourself up. The fact that we both like coke, and most people do meth instead now, I bet we are wired kinda the same...if you wanna talk PM me.
  18. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    How are you doing @Luis88 just wanted to check on you hope everything is going better for you my friend.
  19. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Me as well @Luis88 ,I too am curious about your current state of being.Please remember my friend we are NOT here to judge or criticize, we only want to provide a ear to listen as well as provide support and guidance along with encouragement as best we can.We care about you my friend and we understand how hard these time's can be so please do check in.
    Take Care and God Bless
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  20. Nathan420

    Nathan420 Member

    At least you have your wife and things that act as a glue to keep you together. It's always gonna be hard but as hard as the journey is, it's about the destination. I'm not sure where you're from but in the UK you can go to rehab for free or go to drug support services to get help. You're lucky to have some sort of purpose, something to keep you fighting this affliction.

    Just think, it could always be worse. You still have a loving and supportive wife, there is ALWAYS hope, stay strong and appreciate what you still have. I know it's easier said than done wen you're depressed, to appreciate life and what you have. To not care and give up is a lazy, easy way out. Stay strong and NEVER be afraid to seek support from anyone. I know that when you're depressed and have low self-esteem you will feel like. why should people care about my problems? I got my self into this mess and others shouldn't be burdened by you asking for help.
    In reality, the vast majority of people are good people and will want to help you. You're not alone, everyone needs help at some point in their lives no matter what the issue is.

    Also, don't be ashamed that you became addicted to this shite, it could happen to anyone and people have done worse things than lie and fall behind on bills due to their drug habit. Just know it's not all your fault, just keep it together and with time you will heal. The least you could ask of people is patience. Recovering from addiction can be a long and bumpy process, it will take time no matter what. Patience and persistence is key.

    Good luck man.