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Living in limbo

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Rosyrain, Mar 18, 2015.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    What I mean by the title of this thread is, do you ever feel like you are living someone else's life or a life you never really anticipated living? Are things not going according to what you planned? It does not even have to be drug or alcohol related, just not living the life you planed out to live, maybe when you were younger. I have been struggling with this lately and have been trying to focus some attention on what I want out of my life, not what others want for my life. I want a new career and I want to do some of the things I planned for my future many years ago. I am not unhappy really, I just need to refocus my attention is all.
  2. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I totally get what you mean. I'm currently living in a situation that I never expected to be in and its like I'm just waiting for the next opportunity for change. I'm not sitting around waiting for it to just happen to me either. I'm doing everything in my power to make the change by working on it daily and I work at it from sunrise to sunset. Yet, I can't seem to achieve what I need to because some of it seems to be in the hands of others. So, I have to keep having faith. The hard part is waiting with the feeling of being in limbo and the fear of what if this is my circumstance for ever. However, I think that is the mind set that I totally need to eliminate in order to make the change happen and move on.
  3. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I wish you luck in achieving your goals Juno! I am working hard at meeting my goals and making changes as well, but it seems that I make no progress some days and it frustrates me to no end. I am working hard and know where I want to be in the future, but it the where I am now that is driving me crazy. I am kind if impatient like that.
  4. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Have you ever asked your self whether your current situation right now is caused by a lack of motivation or drive or simply because of limited opportunities? At the end of the day, you are the captain of your own ship. I can totally understand your situation but I always get back to me and try to see what I need to change about myself so I can do the things I've always left at the back burner. I personally revamped by New Year's resolution so that this time, I'll have no excuses. I'll just do it.
  5. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I never really anticipated that I would live like this or do what I'm doing now, but since I became more enlightened with how things are supposed to be, like living your "destiny" and learning life lessons from the challenges that life throws at you, then I have now come to accept that each and every person has certain problems to overcome for them to grow as a person and to learn life lessons from it. So when you find yourself feeling frustrated and dejected, just keep in mind that God is just testing you and your goal is to pass the test.
  6. AskLaplace

    AskLaplace Member

    When I was in my highschool days I was often bullied. The thing with society is, that you have to fit in to survive it. If everyone is doing drugs in your highschool, you feel like you need to as well because you want to fit in to survive. But that is the real definition of being an immature brat like I was. I adjusted so I get bullied less and it works. Then, by the time I realize it, it's too late. I am living a life that people wanted me to. I want to express myself. So the lesson is, fitting in is not always good. We need to express who we really are. That was my limbo back then.
  7. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I am much more confident and comfortable with who I am now than I was in the past and that is helping me to make bigger goals for myself, it is just the waiting game for some things to happen drives me crazy. I want to buy a house, for instance, but I am still a couple of years out from doing so because I have to pay off some bills and get some money saved...the patience and waiting game is driving me crazy because I want to own my own place and have a space in which I can start my own business. The thing I keep having to tell myself is that I can start the business now, and just work with the limited space I have until more space is available to me. It is one of those things that I just need to learn to work with what I have at the moment.
    scootpony likes this.
  8. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I think everyone comes to a place in their life where they wonder how they came there or why they haven't gotten as far along as they thought would have by then. I think young people coming up today and in probably the last twenty-five to thirty years particularly, often have unrealistic expectations.

    It could be that young people have always had unrealistic expectations. I don't know. I say what I say because we have not always been the "me" kind of instant gratification loving society that we are now and have been for some time.

    Even so, coming to a place where you start taking stock of where you are as compared to where you wanted to be or, possibly, as compared to where you started out if you (God forbid) find that you are actually not even up to that par is a normal thing. We need to assess our lives at times and reevaluate things.

    One really does have to work with what one has without getting lost in lamenting what one doesn't have. It does no good to focus on the negative and focusing on the positive opens up our creativity. So maybe, Rosyrain, if you just go on and start that business you might find yourself closer to your goal than you think.

    At least if you're focusing on the business you might not find yourself pining over the long wait, though I can certainly understand your impatience.

    One must plough with the horses he has. ~ German proverb
  9. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I understand what you are going through right now because I was the same as you before. Actually, when I was still in college, I really had huge plans for myself like I want to do something really big right after school. I had dreams and goals that I badly want to achieve after I receive my diploma. But after graduating from college, I really felt anxious and sad. There were no classes to attend anymore, no more paperwork to deal with, no more friends to hang out with after school. I went through an awful phase of post college depression. I didn't know where and how to start, I was sort of tumbling around trying to figure out what I should do next. It was really scary.

    Eventually, I found a job at a University. I was kind of happy with my career there, but I realized the corporate world is not for me. I hate the politics in the office; I hate the bossy and annoying people. I decided that what will make me happy is doing what I love the most which is writing. I now resorted to freelance writing and I'm glad with my choice.
  10. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think a lot of people get stuck in a rut sometimes, and some just manage to ignore the misery of it all better than others, and from my experience I think it is those people who would usually get annoyed at other people who choose to acknowledge the need for a more fulfilled life instead of just settling for the least they can get as long as it is safe. It's up to the individual which side he or she will fall on.
  11. kana_marie

    kana_marie Community Champion

    I suspect everyone has felt that way at some point, if they admit it or not. I think that is one very important factor in what separates us from the rest of nature. You should use it to give you the drive to do what makes you happy. It's never too late.
  12. Thestoryteller1

    Thestoryteller1 Active Contributor

    All the time. There was a point where I build a life I liked and I was happy in, and just as I did that, everything changed. For worse. I fought and fought and fought the change, but there was nothing to be done. Then, finally I got to good times, but everything in my life, absolutely everything, had changed. I struggled a lot, I had this feeling that it's a good life, just doesn't feel like my life. No matter how I tried getting some of the old me back I couldn't. And I couldn't trully enjoy the present either. Not a good place to be in. I was approaching everything with fear, and doubt and lack of gratitude when something turned out good(because I had worried for so long that it was a momentary relief only). Things only changed when one of my bigger fears happened and I realized it didn't break me. And then I let go of doubting for a moment, and stopped to ask myself what I really want, and decide to go for it more, no matter if I have certainty in getting it. Now I'm in full time transit period with no guarantees, including change of career and getting in shape. I still have no guarantee I will reach what I want, but I am taking steps and already seeing positive results. I've never felt more alive!
  13. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    [QUOTE="Rosyrain, I have been struggling with this lately and have been trying to focus some attention on what I want out of my life, not what others want for my life. I want a new career and I want to do some of the things I planned for my future many years ago. I am not unhappy really, I just need to refocus my attention is all.[/QUOTE]

    I can so relate to this at this very moment. I've been wanting to find a place that makes me happy and not be forced to be where others expect me to be.

    This definition right here describes what's happening to me : "A condition of prolonged uncertainty or neglect". It's a terrible place to be and it's really not me but for whatever it's where I am at or feel like I am at. I know I'm fine if I compare myself to the other person, but I want "my old me back" and and what to "live" in spite of the challenges that may come from time to time.
  14. sillylucy

    sillylucy Community Champion

    I felt that way for years. I felt like all of my needs were pushed aside so that I could help my family or my crazy boyfriend. Now I make sure to take care of my needs so that I am able to feel relaxed and not agitated. You are came into this world alone and you will die alone. You have to take care of yourself first!
  15. Thestoryteller1

    Thestoryteller1 Active Contributor

    Also helping yourself benefits your family too! No one wants you to be unhappy or sad or angry from not taking care of your own needs. The better/happier/more fullfilled you are, the better you can be for everyone else, help them more, be more positive, be more present and so on.
  16. wahmed

    wahmed Active Contributor

    I often wake up feeling like I'm still in my parents house. I have times when I'm in disbelief about my life. Not that its in a bad place but its just not what was planned. Life can be tough and nothing goes the way you planned.
  17. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    Things almost never go as planned. No matter how hard you try, there's always that little something that gets in the way and ruins your concept of the world. Life presents all sorts of obstacles and setbacks, and all we can do when they present themselves is simply adjust to them. It's all about flexibility and the ability to expect the unexpected. If you're not startled by the unknown, there's really no longer anything that can surprise you. I know it's hard to wrap your head around it but trust me, that's how the universe determines our fate.
  18. 003

    003 Community Champion

    I honestly feel like I'm not living the life that I like same as I don't feel like I'm living my ideal self, and it gives me a lot of trouble and anxiety. Yes, there would be a lot of times when I would hate myself for it being what I don't like it to be and for living a life that I don't want. Sometimes, I feel hopeless. But nevertheless, I always try to be strong and to hang on and keep hoping and just keep loving myself for what it is and make it as my strength to turn myself into something great.
  19. Thestoryteller1

    Thestoryteller1 Active Contributor

    It gets better, too, though! You just have to get through the bad part, push through, and be honest with yourself about what life you want and what choices you take. And it can get's not easy, but it's possible:). Like, I can't believe right now I am becoming an optimist, which is rarely the case:).

    Honestly my life was in stagnation while I tried to just push through the bad things with no other regard than simply trying to move forward. Things changed when I stopped trying to be strong, I felt horrible, got over it, and finally I was honest with myself about not willing to make choices I was expected to make, because they didn't make me happy. Whatever your ideal self is, write it down, pick one trait of it, and start working on it. And one day you will be the person you want to be. :)
  20. Kteabc

    Kteabc Member

    You will never know if the grass really is greener unless you try it. Sometimes what we think willale is happy actually doesn't, but that's okay because now we know for sure because we got first hand experience. It's scary trying something new and breaking routine but it's an experience and either way it goes you can learn from it.
    Try volunteering your time other a charity or with something you are passionate about. I love dogs and always feel amazing when I volunteer at my local animal shelter walking the dogs.