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Living with an addicted spouse

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Lonely, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    I caved. I'm so sad and mad at myself.
    Defeated
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... Please don't be so hard on yourself! You caved because you were tired of your husband's bullsh*t! You're allowed to be disappointed, but don't be mad at yourself! And do NOT consider yourself defeated!

    What's up with the counselor appointment? Do you know when you'll be able to see them?

    Also, is there any way for you and your kids to get away from home for a short time, even a couple of days? I think it would really help you.

    I have not given up on you, @Lonely... so you are not allowed to give up on yourself!
    Lonely likes this.
  3. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    support groups and support forums, alike, don't have enough people telling people that. I know first hand its one of those things that people need to hear, but people don't seem to think about the reminders. Its really good of you to tell her that!
    Lonely and deanokat like this.
  4. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    It's amazing how many horrible things someone doesn't do can become a credit in these situations. I haven't killed you, so I'm a good person. I haven't blown up an entire country so I am an even better person. I didn't murder a child while robbing people's pension funds. I'm awesome!

    I had a cheating boyfriend who tried to smooth things over by saying, " I always come home afterwards, and that should count for something".

    SMH...
    Lonely likes this.
  5. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    You saying he is skewed helps me feel better. How can he make me question myself so much? I know I'm right but after constant comments I break down. I can't keep this up. Thank you again.
  6. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    You nailed it right there! I'm not that bad or as bad as that person.
    Thank you for getting that. You really make me feel better saying it.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Welcome to the community @Lonely. You must be very hurt about your 50 year-old husband for what he is doing to you. I'm sure you want to put a stop to his harmful way of existence.

    Let's hope that he gets out of his deathly condition-- who cannot provide security, safety nd happiness in your home. And in his drunken stupor, he is not in any better conditin to provide love for you and your chidren. Does he have a job? How is he able to make provisions for his flesh?

    Please continue to be strong. Unless he decides for himself that he wants to get well and be a father and a good husband to you, it is going to be a difficult and hard battle for you to help him fight his terrible addiction-- alone.

    I find it very difficult to say what I had to say. But the truth sets us free and right and I say them in love. I pray that your husband will recognize the truth and be free once and for all-- and truly live out his love for you, your children and love for himself.
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2015
  8. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    He isn't in a drunken stupor. He isn't strung out. He's nothing like that. He works full time. He loves his family. He has a problem and needs to seek help not just for him but for us all.
    EditorsRHumansToo! likes this.
  9. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Nobody should live a hell like yours, but knowing that love is sometimes stronger than anything else, if not a series of considerations around your kids as well, I understand you have not kicked him off already.

    If he is aware that he's drunk and violent by weekends, he is clear enough to understand that things are not going the right way and, or he stops and looks for professional help, or you stop and go away with your kids, o kick him off your home ultimately.

    Nobody deserves to be treated the way he has treated and threatened you begin for pills to avoid drinking or vice verse.

    If he loves his family, it's time for him to showing it off by undergoing rehab treatment.
    Lonely likes this.
  10. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    I truly admire you for standing firm and sticking it up with him. Indeed, two heads deciding on a better solution and rooting out the real problem for recovery and healing-- is better than one in doing it alone.
  11. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    Thank you all for your support. I can't tell you how good it feels to finally talk. I'm going we have a better weekend and also hoping I hear from the counseling place today. Maybe I should call them back.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... Definitely call them back! I'm sending you positive vibes for the weekend.
    EditorsRHumansToo! and Lonely like this.
  13. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    Thank you!
  14. Auril

    Auril Active Contributor

    Hi Lonely,
    It's nice to meet you. I have my own addiction issues but I also grew up with a dad who was an alcoholic. I vividly remember how everything in his life revolved around beer. Every night if he didn't pick up a 6 or 12 pack on the way home from work, he'd be up at the gas station at some point in the night picking one up. My mom enabled him by buying beer for him and allowing him to put both her and me in dangerous situations (drunk driving and such).

    I tell you this because had my mom not enabled the addiction, he might have cut back or stopped. You need to stop enabling your husband. If he is going to drink because you won't give him pills...then it's his choice to drink. Someone isn't going to change the way they act if they are currently getting what they want out of acting that way.
    Lonely likes this.
  15. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    Of course I know you're right. His dad was also an alcoholic. He grew up with it. The difference is my husband has no control of his emotions when he is drunk. Anger, depression whatever it is. It's difficult.

    That's why I'm reaching out to a counselor. I know I need help to break this cycle. I don't like fighting, so I cave. I'm not happy with me at all for what I'm allowing.

    Nice to meet you too and thank you for reaching out to me.
  16. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Go for it @Lonely. I will pray for guidance for you in all directions. It will be good, for sure.
    deanokat and Lonely like this.
  17. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    The line is pretty abstract, it seems. Instead of labeling him as a junkie, abuser, alcoholic, or bum you should label him by his name. If his name is Tom, then label him as Tom. Help Tom be a better Tom.
  18. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    maybe if you tape record him when he's drunk, and play it back when he's sober, he could possibly have a wake up call.
    Lonely likes this.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    There is never anything wrong with asking for help. Sometimes it's hard to admit that we need it, but the fact is that everyone does from time to time. It doesn't mean that you're weak or inferior or any less of a person. It just means that you're human.
    Lonely likes this.
  20. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I think it takes more strength to ask for help. I believe its always harder to swallow your pride than to use it as a shield.
    Lonely likes this.