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Living with an addicted spouse

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Lonely, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    I caved yet again. This time my husband's yelled at me in front of all 3 of my boys. The 19 yr old was mad at us both for letting my little ones hear. Why am I so weak? Why do I keep handing him crap. I'm beside myself and don't know what I'm going to do. This HAS to stop. I'm defeated
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... Not defeated. Just in a bad spot. But you're right: It HAS to stop. You do not want to expose your boys to the toxicity that is your husband's behavior. I grew up in a home with a verbally abusive, alcoholic father. It really affected me. In fact, it still affects me. Children should not have to be exposed to that kind of stuff. And if you're husband is yelling at you in front of your kids...well, then something has to change.

    Your husband is the only one who has the power to change his behavior. No matter how much you wish and hope and pray that he'll change, the only way it's going to happen is if he decides he wants it.

    You, however, have complete power over whether or not you and your children will continue to be exposed to your husband's behavior and verbal abuse.

    No one deserves to go through what you and your boys are going through.

    Sending hugs and healing.
  3. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    He makes me second guess myself. He knows how to push me. He knows how to make it my fault. I'm mean to him. I'm never nice. I don't give him credit for not drinking for months. I'm wrong he hasn't always had pills or alcohol.

    I end up questioning myself.

    I hate this. Hate it hate it Hate it.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    You have to decide that you want something more than you're afraid of it.
    Lonely likes this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... How are you doing? It's been a few days since we've heard from you and I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. Have you seen the counselor yet? Check in here when you have a chance. Or message me.

    Sending positive vibes.
  6. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    I'm doing okay. I kind of broke down. I know this sounds silly but I went in for my annual woman's exam and lost it. I was sobbing. She heard it all. Then she said tomorrow you call the counseling place tomorrow. I did. The counselor called me today and I missed her call so I just left her a voicemail. The ball is in motion. I need to take charge of me not only for my health but for my kids.
    I'm hoping she will call me back in a few.
    Thank you for thinking about me. Please keep me in your prayers as the weekends are usually the hardest on me.
    I honestly told my husband that home was the most stressful place to be right now and he said, "because of me?" I honestly said yes. You are relentless and it's breaking me, it's breaking us.

    He got very quiet. We shall see what he's like this weekend.

    Thanks again. I'll check back in. I promise.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for the weekend. Glad to know the ball is in motion and happy that you shared with your doctor. That's not a bad thing.

    Hugs.
  8. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I'm glad that there are now positive changes. How about if you try to stay in your parent's house with the kids and leave him all alone there in your house if that's possible? It might put some sense into his head if the counselling didn't work.
  9. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I really hope you do get in there soon. Therapists may not give you all the answers, but they are great at helping you find them yourself.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    I'm so glad to hear you are getting help...you aren't weak at all. He has real problems and he needs to choose to fix them; perhaps you removing yourself and your children from the situation for a little will be just what he needs to do that. I'm sorry, I know it's unbelievably hard and you feel like you're abandoning him but try to remember that sometimes they truly do NEED to hit rock bottom. He needs to see what the consequences of his actions might be and hopefully that will be a wake up call for him. Don't feel guilt, you're doing what you have to do.
    Lonely likes this.
  11. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    @JessiFox like a reality check. As long as he thinks its a bluff he'll never change.
    Lonely likes this.
  12. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    Yes precisely so. It's so hard though, unfortunately the clean & sober spouse dealing with it tends to feel the guilt when it's not their fault at all. You can only control your own behavior.
    LilAnn and Lonely like this.
  13. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Hi there, most loved @Lonely I've been praying and thinking of you. How has your weekend day been? I wish you the peace and rest in your heart as you go through many tough and hard decisions. I wish the same for me, too. :)
    Lonely likes this.
  14. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I'm really glad you're on the right track, now. Good luck! It'll get easier.
    deanokat and Lonely like this.
  15. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    Thank you so much for the thoughts and wishes. I'm wishing the same for you. It's one of the most difficult positions I've ever been in. Saying and doing are so different. He knows how to push me and second guess myself. (Hugs)
    deanokat likes this.
  16. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    You're absolutely right. I see no end even though he is "working on it" He refuses to get help. I know he doesn't comprehend he is pushing me further and further away.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2015
  17. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    You do so understand! It's so nice to be understood.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. Be strong and keep the faith, my friend.
    Lonely likes this.
  19. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Do you suppose watching you get help might encourage him to also, or is that unlikely?
  20. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @LilAnn... That's an excellent point! Maybe he would follow her lead. You never know, right?