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Living with an addicted spouse

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Lonely, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    I went to Ala non for a while. He just got offended and mad because I didn't have a right to label him.
  2. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    I'm trying. I have my first therapy session on Thursday. I'm really struggling. Thank you for thinking about me, I really appreciate it.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    If Al-Anon helped you at all, you should go back. Don't worry about what your husband thinks. You have to do what's best for YOU.
    Lonely likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm so sorry that you're struggling, but I'm so happy that you have your first therapy session Thursday! That's so great, @Lonely! Take some deep breaths when you're feeling down or overwhelmed. Sending healing vibes your way.
    Lonely likes this.
  5. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    From what I've read it sounds like leaving him until he figures out what's more important may be your only option. I hate to say that, but I don't know what else I would do in your position.
    Lonely likes this.
  6. harold

    harold Community Champion

    You need to stop giving in to his pressure and pleadings. It is clear that he is an addict and needs urgent help. The challenge on your way is great. You need to take a challenge to initiate change in your family. It is a very difficult thing to do, but you must resolve to say no, if not for your self, then you should do it for your children. You can't continue giving him pills like that. Try to show him how mistaken he is, by showing him the negative effects of what he does. You should not shout on him because it will only irritate him. Speak on a low tone and let him know that you are speaking out of love. Above everything, do not give him the drugs any longer. The reason why many people find it difficult getting out of addiction is because they are overwhelmed by the addiction that they do not even believe that there is a way out. Show him a way out, give him quality advice. Talk to him about God, I mean God, because human beings often resolve to take up certain challenges in life when they are inspired by an authority greater than them. A firm believe in God can get him out of the addiction because he will desire to please God and at the end of the day, he will accept his addiction, seek help and end up treating you and your children well. Look for someone around you who knows and believe in God to talk to him. I leave you with that challenge.
  7. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    You do speak the truth and I know that. In working on getting there. It's not easy no matter what. I appreciate the words of advice.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... You're so right. It's not easy. Having a loved one who suffers from addiction is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I continue to pray for you and your family. I hope your therapy appointment goes well today!
    Lonely likes this.
  9. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    The therapy session went very well. I am happy in doing something now. It feels good to take steps. The prayers are very much appreciated. (Hugs)
    deanokat likes this.
  10. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    For how long have you stayed with him? If you have stayed with him for long then you need to continue showing him love. You understand him better than anybody else and you are the only one who is very close to him. Suggest to him if he can visit a rehab. Have you talked to his friends? What do they say? Try and talk to everybody who can help him out. One day he will quit and lead a better life.
    Lonely likes this.
  11. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    I definately have tried to talk to him about getting help. He says I'm not that bad. At least I'm not like this or that. I do stand by him but I also need to do what's right by my kids and myself. I'm not ready to leave or anything at this point but my mental health is a factor as well.
  12. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I've never had this problem but my best friend has this problem. Her husband is addicted so bad that he sells their cars, appliances, and just anything that he can get his hands on. His binges are so bad that he goes away for weeks at a time and she does not know where he is most of the time. He has caused them to lose homes for so many years that I mean it is just horrible. She has stayed so far for 10 years and I really do not see how she has put up with it for so long. I will be honest in saying that I could not do it.
    Lonely likes this.
  13. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... This made me smile from ear to ear. So glad your therapy session went well. You're taking steps in the right direction! Progress, not perfection!! :)
  14. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    A fair point indeed. Some people will respond to seeing a strong example.
  15. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    It's another tough weekend. I believe he is crashing. He is so depressed and said several comments that have me worried. "There are no good days" "You reserve so much better than me" "I don't deserve this house or you" "You don't need the hassle of dealing with me" " All we do is fight " (not true at all we mainly fight when he's guilting me about pills).
    I begged him to go see somebody. He got really really upset and so I was just stressing him out more. He said he won't under any circumstance talk to anyone.
    I need to monitor him right now. If he gets really bad or acting suicidal I will make sure he gets help.
    I'm concerned but also, this is going to sound horrible, wondering if he is realizing all of this has to stop and is dealing with all of the emotions of it.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Lonely... I'm sorry you're going through this. My heart aches for you. If your husband gets out of hand or talking about hurting himself, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police. I know it's hard, but remember that you and your kids are very important, too. Especially the kids. Please think about their well being.

    Continuing to pray for you.
  17. Lonely

    Lonely Active Contributor

    Lord this is so very hard. I'm broken and lost. Until anyone walls in my shoes they can't possibly understand. I believe I let it go too far this weekend. I may be calling for some help for him. He is defeated as well. This is such a horrid thing to be living for all involved. Please pray for us all. It's not good.
  18. Emerson_B

    Emerson_B Active Contributor

    I have been following your post for some time now and let me tell you how brave you are to stand by your husband. For your kids though, you have to do something, bring them to relative maybe. I think getting them out of harms way should be your priority and it would also give you and your husband a bit of freedom. Plus you have a 19 year old who is already maybe matured but also may be a bit hot headed(its normal for their age). You don't want him to sudde

    From your posts, it seems that everything is going downhill. Would you be able to ask help from friends or family? His friends maybe or someone close to him.
    deanokat likes this.
  19. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I agree with @Emerson_B If there's anyone he's close to, maybe getting them involved is the way to go with this.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. jmontero31088

    jmontero31088 Member

    First, I am sorry that your are going through this. It is a very hard thing to deal with. My father is an addict. Crack, pain pills, etc. He guilted me into giving him so much money to fund his addiction. I've seen so many of my friends go through the same things. I understand you love him, but you are not helping him by enabling him. He either needs to get help, or you and your kids need to get out. Because how do you think this will affect your children. Not just now, but in the future. I hope you can help him get help, but if you can't, please don't keep you and your children in this dangerous situation.