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Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by PixieRose, Apr 19, 2017.

  1. PixieRose

    PixieRose Member

    I've been seeing this guy for about a year and I have come to love and care for him a great deal. He's a coke head, but was clean for 10 years though not really by choice. Since the first of the year he has been consumed with financial stress. About a month ago he was given Norco for neck pain. Shortly after that he went on his first binge since I've known him. Two weeks later he moved a crack whore into his house and they have been lost in drugs and sex since. Quite a blow to me. Is this the norm for coke heads?

    I know after his first binge a month ago he was upset that he'd put this money on his back again. Would ask me why he was self sabotaging when his life was going so well and he was so loved and respected by his peers and coworkers. I told him I knew that answer but it was one he needed to find himself. We had been getting more involved with each other since the holiday's. It was clear that he wanted to be around me. Now he will not talk to me will only respond to a text from me when I ask "are you ok" then he responses with Yes or Yes thank you for checking.

    My friends say walk away he chose to move a crack whore in over being with you clearly you mean nothing to him. I don't believe this, I'm sure he cares, but why go for the crack whore he's know all of about a month as I suspect he met her the first time he went looking for drugs. I believe that he chose her more because she's and addict and I am not. I believe his own self worth is driving all of this. I believe the drugs are in control. But needless to say his moving the crack addict into his house and blowing me off is about the drugs and not that he sees me as worthless and the crack hoe as a valuable partner. So I watch from a distance and pray he will get helps soon. Am I fooling myself into thinking I mean something to him? Am I fooling myself into believing he is savable?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @PixieRose... Thanks for sharing with us. It sounds like you're in a tricky situation for sure. Loving someone who struggles with addiction is something incredibly challenging. Love on its own is a challenge; but when you throw addiction into the mix, things get so tough.

    You ask if your friend is savable. I believe anyone can overcome addiction if they truly want to and make the decision to get the help and do the work necessary to get clean. But the key is that he has to want to do it. You cannot save him. Like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    If you really love this man, my suggestion to you is to let him know you will support him if he makes the decision to turn his life around. But if he refuses to commit to getting clean, you have to do what's best for you. Because your life matters, too. The last thing you need is to become addicted to your friend's addiction. If that happens, both of you will end up suffering.

    There are some really good books on addiction out there that you may want to check out. I wrote a blog about some of my favorites a while back. Here's the link:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    Remember to love yourself and take care of yourself. I know it's easy to get caught up in someone else's "stuff," especially when it's someone we have strong feelings for. But don't sacrifice your well-being for the sake of wanting to save someone. If you do that, it usually doesn't end well for either party.

    Reach out anytime. We're here to lean on if you need us.

    Sending you lots of positive energy and hugs full of hope.