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Losing My Cool

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by MysteriousMammal, Dec 28, 2015.

  1. My kid sister has a serious addiction to party drugs. At first, I thought it was just an experimental phase that most rebellious teenagers go through, but I'm starting to regret thinking that. I've caught her stealing money from myself, as well as other family members in order to fuel her growing addiction. She's disappeared from home for days at a time, without any sign of where she is. At this point, I'm fearing for her wellbeing as she's beginning to access more hardcore drugs, and even participating in their usage without a social setting. As I see it, this is where things need to be stopped before her entire life is ruined.

    I've become increasingly angry with her and at points, I think she deserves this. Any attempts to be kind and supportive to her have backfired. I used to care for her so much, but recently I find myself loathing her.

    Question is, how can I help and when do I need to step back?
    JonnyMacdonald likes this.
  2. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    I'm very sorry you're going through this, it's a tough situation. The feelings you have for your sister are completely natural. If she's under the age of 18, I suggest talking to your parents (or whoever is her legal guardian). She can be placed in a rehabilitation center, even if it's against her will. But, if she's over the age of 18, my beat advice is an intervention. Bring the family and those who love her the most together, sit her down and confront her. This works for a lot of people.

    I hope things work out for you and your sister, I wish you the best.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. @LoveEcho Thank you so much for your input! I'll definitely try what you suggested.
    LoveEcho likes this.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @MysteriousMammal! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about what's currently going on with your sister. I think the best thing for you to do is to be upfront, and tell her that she needs to change her ways for the better now before she could have the chance to ruin her whole life. Tell her that if she isn't willing to stop her addictions, you wouldn't enable her anymore. This might work. Wishing you all the best.
    MrsJones likes this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @MysteriousMammal... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry you're having difficulties with your sister. When someone we love is struggling with addiction, it's incredibly challenging. I'd like to recommend a book to you. It's called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change and it's written specifically for loved ones of addicts. I think it might help you deal with your sister. You can read more about the book in this blog I wrote (it's the first book I talk about in the blog):

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    I will keep you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers. We're here to help and support you any way we can.

    Peace and hugs.
    MrsJones likes this.
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    @OP while I understand that you can get a little angry when help you are offering someone isn't appreciated, fact is young people will always think that everyone who is trying to help is merely trying to stop them from having fun. Try to get your little sister to understand that though initially "doing drugs might be fun" that won't last for long. It could help "sober her up."

    As to stepping back, don't give up on her.

    “Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” – Author Unknown
    MrsJones likes this.
  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Trying to get somebody to listen to you when they don't think they have a problem can be very frustrating and can cause you to feel angry. Don't give up on her. Talk to her and try to reach her even though she probably won't want to listen. Something you say might stick with her and make her realize what she is doing to her life and herself. Talk to your parents or any trusted person you feel close to. Keep trying to reach her.
    JonnyMacdonald and MrsJones like this.
  8. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi @MysteriousMammal welcome and thank you for sharing with us. I agree with the others have said. We are bound to lose our cool even when we try our best not to but when we do we need to let our love and concern be expressed over our disappointment and fear. Getting a hold of those two emotions will be the key to helping your sister and you.
  9. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    May I please second this?
    Being a former addict myself, I find I have things I can relate to young people to get through.
    But it can be very frustrating watching someone toss their life away like that, and as you help and help and help you feel your monumental effort is wasted.
    BUT it's not wasted! It can take a long time for someone to realize what a waste party drugs are.
    Took me years to come to know what I know now.
    MrsJones likes this.