An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Losing relationships

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by FuZyOn, May 12, 2015.

  1. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    This is a common issue among everyone who's trying to recover from a bad situation.
    I suggest you take your time and focus on yourself. People that leave you when the hard times come up shouldn't matter at all. You'll have a lot of opportunities to form new relationships, just take it one step at a time.
    bhu and Damien Lee like this.
  2. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    That's true. If people left you in times of trouble, I guess, they really don't deserve you at your best.
    bhu likes this.
  3. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Hard times have one benefit - they let you find out who your real friends are. Those who can't stick by you during the bleaker times really aren't friends at all and it's always good to find these things out sooner rather than later.
    bhu likes this.
  4. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Also if you want to get back relationships that you lost because of your addiction, you need to show them that you changed already. One can use it as motivation or inspiration to get rid of the addiction totally. Some might leave you because they might be feeling abused or taken for granted.
  5. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    I agree. I've had too many temporary friends in my life. I even keep most of their numbers in my contacts list. What for, I ask you? The fault is mine for not being able to part with things easily even though people leave and forget about me all the time. No-one can benefit from having such people as friends.
    bhu likes this.
  6. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    That's true! Part of starting anew is letting new people come into your life. You just have to be careful with the people you meet and choose to be part of your life. There are also some people who are part of your past deserving of another chance with you. You just have to know how to choose.
    bhu likes this.
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    That's true. Relationships come and go, anyway. Not everyone stays for better or for worse. The hard times are a blessing in disguise because you get to see who are really worth keeping among your circle of friends and those you can just let go.
    bhu likes this.
  8. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    This is true. You need to focus on yourself first and foremost before helping others. This is one time where self preservation is needed to survive.
    bhu likes this.
  9. adfnio

    adfnio Community Champion

    That people that leave you were never your friends in the first place. Don't bother hanging on to those that don't care about you. Why bother?
    bhu likes this.
  10. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    That is so true. You will only know who your real friends are when the times get rough and if they still remained by your side to support you. If they abandoned you during your most trying times, then they aren't really a friend to begin with.
    bhu likes this.
  11. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Agree. A fair weather friend is no friend. Such people shouldn't be in your life at all. You should only care about and love people who stand by you all the time. When they leave, it's not a loss to grieve over.

    “To be of good quality, you have to excuse yourself from the presence of shallow and callow minded individuals.”
    ― Michael Bassey Johnson
    bhu likes this.
  12. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Well you find out who your real friends are. Seriously, the ones that stick by you no matter what. The fly-by night it's all about me people. They are out to lunch. No concept of what a real friendship is. Sad for them. Good advice you are giving here. New friends, and what you will notice is after something like this. You will choose differently who you consider a friend.
    bhu likes this.
  13. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I definitely think like others have said that going through hard times really does show you who will stick by you through anything. After all, who really wants a "fair weather friend" that only sticks around when things are good? To me that isn't true friendship anyway!
    bhu likes this.
  14. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    In life, it's a given that you'll lose friends at one point or another. If you're losing friends because you're going through a bad patch, perhaps they weren't your true friends after all. By being patient and working through your own issues, you'll come out stronger and meet new people on your own terms.
    bhu likes this.
  15. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    In some respect, deep down I think that most people are able to tell who their real friends are, but they just don't say anything.

    When those hard times do come though, your life is often self cleaning and the fake friends soon dissapear on their own accord.
    bhu likes this.
  16. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I see this as a necessary step. If we are living an addict life all those relations need to be cut and we need to create new ones, all that old life needs to be left behind.
    bhu likes this.
  17. Lee Vaughn

    Lee Vaughn Member

    Loneliness. It's scary just to think about it, let alone experience it. However, It's during quiet, reflective, intimate personal time that we can hear ourselves best. At the loneliest times in my life, I figured out how to be what my grandmother always taught us to be 'good company for myself'. We're social creatures, sure, but there is no substitute for being the life of your very own party.
    bhu likes this.
  18. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    There's a difference between being alone and being lonely though. Some addicts choose to be alone as its their way of dealing with things and they'd rather face things on their own and there's no problem with that.

    Others though are left alone to deal with things, and that's a totally different things altogether, and not a nice thing to go through.
    bhu and kassie1234 like this.
  19. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    So true what you mentioned about a difference between being alone and being lonely. I've had times in life where I have been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely, you know?
    bhu and pwarbi like this.
  20. Loopulk

    Loopulk Member

    I think you guys need to be more open-minded about this. Some people will leave because they honestly have better things to do and can't worry about someone with an addiction. Perhaps they have to take care of their family, or get their education, or use their job to save lives and cannot deal with more emotional drainage.
    bhu likes this.