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Losing relationships

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by FuZyOn, May 12, 2015.

  1. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    OK @Loopulk I don't think it's a matter of being open minded, if we are addicted we hang out with addicted people, if we try to quit we will stop hanging out with them, even if they try to pull us back in.
  2. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Hmmm... This is really a tough issue. Let's take an example, what if a parent decides to let an addicted child go? Not because the parent doesn't love him but rather to make him learn his lesson. After all, if an addict knows that his parents are always there for him, catching his every fall and enabling his mistakes, he won't be motivated to stop.

    And as a parent, we have to know when we should let him be or help him. There are times that letting go means loving that person from a distance. And it might be the hardest thing to do, but it might be the only way to save an addict.

    On the other hand, we must also know when to be there for a person. You cannot just let go of him or her the first time you found out about the addiction. You must first find ways to help that person. But in case that person doesn't want to be helped, what purpose would it be to help him? No matter what we do, if a person doesn't have the will inside him to change, it's useless.

    Losing relationships that are toxic are good. Letting go of your addicted friends to make sure your road to recovery will be a success is also good. Letting go of an addict to help his recovery progress is also good. You just have to know when is it okay to let go of a relationship.
  3. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    When you are doing good, when you are happy and prosperous, you will find many people around you. When you are struggling, having difficulty in life, you are sad, you will find everyone gone. If you see people still in your life when you are facing difficulty, you should trust them. There are the ones who actually care for you.
  4. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I know that feeling exactly. You can surround yourself with as many peoople as you want, as I did, but if they don't help you in your situation no matter how much they try, then that still makes you feel alone.
    kassie1234 likes this.
  5. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Yup - these days I try and go with a "quality over quantity" approach when it comes to my relationships in life. I would rather have a couple of great friends who know me well and support me through the good and bad of life than having a bunch of friends that don't really know me at all!
    pwarbi likes this.
  6. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    It's funny because sometimes it's easier to be friends with people that don't really know you or anything about your past, and with me especially, it was like they treated me differently to those that did.

    Sometimes your oldest friends can be the ones that aren't helping you. Not for any specific reason, but sometimes they're the ones who can't let go of what you've done in the past, even though your trying to move on yourself.
  7. Belovedad

    Belovedad Active Contributor

    They always say that you know your true friends when you are going through your worst. True friends/family will stick through it with you and see it through. Don't make time for people who don't make time for you.
  8. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    However heartbreaking and painful the departure of someone may be, you still can't force them to stay with you and support you if they don't want to. Being in a relationship that consumes you is not healthy at all, and could severely affect one's sanity. Maybe they are not the right person to do it, or maybe they have goals to accomplish and a life to enjoy. You can't condemn them if they don't want to live in a co-dependent relationship.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Yeah, we cannot force anyone and we just let things happen. I mean, many times things happen for the best and better to lose relationships and to gain a life.
  10. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    It is important to separate true friends from those you used to be involved with when you were using. The good people are going to be there through thick and thin, and the druggies, may just be people that are fading as quickly as the highs you got together.
  11. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That is correct, at the same time, depending on how long we were addicted, we might no have any true friends left. Only family lasts forever and many times not even that.
  12. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    So true, all the posts above. I've been lonely in a crowded room of people, even when I wanted to be there in the first place. I've been more at peace living alone in the woods than in mainstream society. I've been lonely living alone and sometimes it downright sucks, but I know that I'm better this way and will get better as I move through each day than staying in toxic relationships.
  13. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    This is a great comment.

    I think good friends are those that will stick with you through those times, but who will NOT enable you. They will be straight up and critical, but still supportive. They'll understand that you need the support but that in the end it falls on YOU to clean up your act.
  14. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    After I changed my life I lived 2 painful years practically alone, but slowly I started to have new interests and friends and I am now a normally integrated in society person...