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Lost my Brother

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by ccpier, Oct 4, 2014.

  1. ccpier

    ccpier Member

    This is really hard for me to write, but I am not exactly sure what to say. I lost my brother six years ago from Heroin. I didn't even realize that he was doing drugs. I know that sounds totally cliche and stupid but I thought he just drank.
    Our Dad was dying from cancer and they both ended up dying on the same day.
    I never understood this drug I guess I am wondering why the draw to it.
    I feel like at the end he chose it over me and its so frustrating and hard to grasp even six years later.
  2. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    I'm so sorry to hear about the deaths in your family. We're sending our condolences, ccpier. I can personally understand where you're coming from. My cousin had been on addicted all his life -- meth, coke, alcohol, marijuana, you name it. We tried to help him and he seemed okay for a while, but a month ago, we found him hanging on his bedroom. We never knew what's on his mind, it's just tragic and painful. When someone gets really addicted to heroin, or in any substance for that matter, the drug might really control his life. That's a sad fact but that's why we're here -- we can help and talk to you.
  3. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    I'm sorry to hear about your losses. There are definitely tons of cases where family members don't know one of the other family members is abusing drugs. It happens, and it doesn't reflect poorly upon you as a person. Some people are very skilled at hiding their addictions and other demons.
  4. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    So sorry for your loss, that is very sad to have lost both your brother and father on the same day. My heart goes out to you. I don't have any experience with Heroin. From all the horror stories I've heard about it, it's highly addictive and deadly. I'm not sure why people do these types of drugs, I guess the same reason I was a alcoholic for most of my adult life. I do know one thing addiction is addiction, and once it has a hold on a person it takes a lot to get clean. I hope you can get some answers you are looking for here best of luck.
  5. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Drugs are terrible for both the user and their loved ones. I am deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your father and your brother on the same day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and you need to know that drug abuse is a disease that eats away at a persons soul, they do not realise what hurt and pain they are causing others as they live in a very different world, unaware of just how bad it really is.
    Most of us would not be able to tell unless you are with that person 24/7. Drugs start off small and then the fix is just not enough until the user ends up having to find something stronger to be able to feel it. Heroine is one of the worst drugs unfortunately has taken many lives with it.
    Be strong and know that your brother had no intention of choosing drugs over you and he had no idea just how far into it he was. There is not much that you could do even if you thought it was drink, so dont blame yourself either.
  6. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure that was very difficult for you so I appreciate that you shared it so others can learn from it. I know a lot of functioning addicts so I can totally understand when you say that it's hard to tell because some of them really hide it well, and some don't even feel they are exerting that much effort nor do they feel the need to since to them it's just like casually drinking beer. Anyway, I don't think you should feel hurt and take it personally. Heroin is one of the more hardcore drugs out there and being hooked on it really does alter people's priorities and mental states, so just understand that by that time your brother was probably not totally in control anymore.
  7. frogsandlegos

    frogsandlegos Active Contributor

    I am so sorry for your losses :( Can I ask if you have ever tried to find a grief support group?

    Most cities and larger towns have grief support groups, where you can connect with other people you have been in your shoes. You might try calling a local hospice and seeing if they know of any support groups. Also try calling churches, 211, or your local United Way.
  8. Ronsa

    Ronsa Active Contributor

    I am sorry to hear that you have lost them. You must love them very much. Do not get blame yourself too much. I believe that they want to live bravely. There is no need to be frustrated. Relax yourself. Cheers.
  9. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Sucks to lose a cared one to heroin or any drugs. I too lost my grandfather to heroin back in the 1980s, which he died like a few months after I was born. In regards to heroin, I hope this drug is not passed onto to any more future humans to use, because it is a very bad drug that can lead people to ruin easily.
  10. Teresa

    Teresa Senior Contributor

    I am sorry for your loss. I also lost a family member to heroin and every time I see one of my ex's family members number on my caller ID. I hole my breath when answering because I believed the day will come that I will have to tell my sons that their father is gone due to his heroine and prescription drug addiction. In many ways he is already gone.
  11. juliaintheclouds

    juliaintheclouds Active Contributor

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing two family members on the same day. I myself have never tried heroin but from what people describe it feels like the best orgasm ever so I can understand why people become addicted so fast. Please remember he didn't choose heroin over you, the drug was controlling him and affecting his judgement.
  12. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    Very sad to hear. Addicts are very adept at hiding their problems. As a former gambling addict the lies I would spin were quite fantastic to avoid any scrutiny of my life and what I was really doing. I do not think he chose heroin over you, I don't think he had any choice at all because he was an addict. He needed treatment but since nobody really knew what he was doing, it did not happen.
  13. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Oh wow that is really too bad. I am sorry to hear that. It does kind of feel that way that someone has chosen something like this over you. I can relate to that completely. It is not true though. Being outside of it makes it easier to understand. They were weak, he was weak. Something like this is a slow suicide. If a person like this were not so selfish they would realize how much something like this would hurt you and stop. Doing drugs to a point where you end up dead or committing suicide is a really selfish cop-out. If they could even comprehend how much it hurts your friends and loved ones to be without them. They wouldn't continue or risk it. It does end up feeling like they chose that over you though. You must have loved him very much to feel that way. I feel for you.
  14. downsouth

    downsouth Active Contributor

    Very sad to hear. On the same day ? Unbelievable. Maybe he used heroin as an outlet so he did not have to deal with the fact that his dad was dying ? I am pretty confident he loved you and did not choose heroin over you. It is a horribly addictive drug and addicts are not of sound mind when they need what they crave. They become sociopathic. He hurt you yes but it was unintentional for sure. He just needed help and did not get it.
  15. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    I am so terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how devastating this was for you. Alcohol and heroin abuse are two very real and extremely dangerous things. I can only advise you to stay away from both of those things. I lost my father to cancer as well, so I can somewhat relate to what you have gone through. Keep your head up, it will get better, I promise.
  16. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    Six years is like just yesterday. The scar of the past really does not go off fast. The trauma and psychological impact would sometimes last for a lifetime. But despite all these tribulations, we need to move on. Accepting the past is hard do, but there were lessons brought by those memories and those are where we should find the meaning for our future.
  17. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    I think it is sad when we lose someone to drugs and, it must have been even shocking that your brother was doing it and no one knew it maybe he hid it from the others. It is sad when someone chooses drugs over the ones who love them and care for them, and can be shocking that someone is doing this and it affects their mind and life on a daily basis. The memories are there and will be there for along time and will take time to move on and carry on life knowing this happened and will be there in the back of the mind.
  18. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    The saddest part about death is those who are left behind wondering if there was anything they could have or should have done. As sad as this is, it is not your fault and in most instances there is very little we can do. Being an addict is always a touch and go situation and it is very difficult for addicts s well as family members. It is as though the substance takes hold of you and not you taking hold of the substance. You need to understand that this was always out of your hands and it is hardly ever a situation anyone can say they understand. Try not to feel responsible and begin to use your energy for something more helpful. Perhaps you could volunteer. A listening ear and being able to share is priceless.
  19. shmangie

    shmangie Member

    I am so sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine the feeling. I have a brother right now who is on heroin and can't seem to change. He has been clean and in rehab several times. I can't imagine losing him. I am helping my mom raise my brothers 7 year old son. Even his son can't get him to stop doing drugs. It must be even harder for you having your dad die on the same day. I wish I could help, but maybe talking about it more would help.
  20. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    It is sad to watch the people that we love getting lost in another world, especially when they are in need of help and wont accept that there is a problem. For those that find the strength to get help that's is incredible and for the families of those who couldn't see a problem, keep your strength and live your life to the best of your ability to ensure that the memory...the good ones live on through you.