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LostAboutWhat2Do

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by DontWanaLoseMySani, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. I honestly don't even know where to begin. The love of my life. My best friend of several years. My soul mate is a heroin addict. It kills mybsoul just to even type that out... From what I know it's had been in and out of her life for 3 years now. She's told me about her introduction to it, her addiction and her recovery process. I was made to believe she was a recovered addict. But then I started noticing a lot things, finding signs of it around. Heard things. Wanted to confront her, but didn't. I hid my knowledge of it for months. Now recently she had admitted to me she is back using. She expresses her wants to get off of it, but still uses to keep from getting sick, as she says. I am not allowed to talk to anyone I know about it, for she says she is ashamed and doesn't want anyone in out business because of mistakes I have made in the past. And if I do speak I know it will break the trust she has left for me and ruin or friendship. I know at least one person I feel I could get very good help from, and told her about it, but she Still doesn't want me speaking. I have had my share of addictions in my pants but heroin is something I have little knowledge on. Her light is gone. She is very fold, and angry. She has no patience at all, especially for me. And when she is very upset and angry she tells me she is going to OD and she will take off and leave and not answer. The other night she told me that I was a very bad trigger and I cause her to want to run away and turn to it and do enough to leave this shitty life.....
    I love her. We have been through more than some can imagine and we have always had eachother back. She literally has saved me from so much and my addictions.... But it's so complicated andi don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to give up on being a part of her recovery. But the feeling of truth behind her words of me being a trigger were so strong.. If I am, am I supposed to remove myself from her life or this journey. Even when she finally admitted to me the truth of it all, and plead for me to help her and stick by her through this recovery... Am I to stay, and be a trigger... Or leave and constantly fear her losing control and succeeding in what she always talks about when the pain becomes too overwhelming....
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @DontWanaLoseMySani... Welcome and thanks for sharing. I'm sorry that you're going through this with your partner. Addiction can definitely impact a relationship, as you well know.

    I think the best thing for your partner would be to see an addiction specialist. They could assess her situation and recommend the best next steps for her. There are a lot of options out there that could help her, including medication assisted treatment (MAT). Medication like Suboxone could help her get off of heroin and, at the same time, prevent her from getting sick. It's just one option out there.

    As for you, you need to take good care of yourself. I recommend seeking out a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area and attending it. It can be very helpful and comforting to be among others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling.

    You also have to remember what those two organizations teach us about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You can be supportive and helpful to your partner, but she is the only person who can make the decision to do something about her addiction.

    We're here for you. So feel free to reach out and lean on us anytime. I will keep good thoughts for both you and your partner.