An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Love is the key

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by jeremy2, Oct 30, 2014.

  1. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    My bf used to quote Natural Born Killers on this, "Only love will kill the demon" or something. But people here are right: love does not mean being kind and accepting all the bullshit. You have to love the person, but you have to love yourself, too, and not let yourself be used. Love as strong as you can, become a tornado, and sweep 'em off their feet. Not everybody quits just because of the love. We cannot have unrealistic expectations about that.
    broken-hearted and kjonesm1 like this.
  2. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    maybe for some abusers this is the right approach, but I was married to an alcoholic for 8 years. I never thought I would EVER consider divorce and had planned on nurturing him through his addiction and standing by his side through his sickness. By the end of our relationship he hadn't had a job in years, I was supporting his habit, he could not be trusted watching our children, he was highly volatile and abusive without a second thought and I found myself as well as my children victims of his addiction. At what point is enough enough and you stop enabling a loved ones out of control habit?
  3. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    That is one real and scary at the same time testimony kjone and I am glad you got rid of him. How do you feel now I am curious to know, totally relieved no?
  4. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    If a family member doesn't know that you love them, then they could do something that they really regret and that you'll really hate. It eats them up inside if they don't believe that you love them, and when they are dealing with an addiction it is super important for everyone possible to support that person, because it's a scary and incredibly hard thing for a person to have to go through.
  5. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    That is the key to many relationships, communication. We might have all the right feelings, but if we are unable to communicate them no one will notice.
  6. cpinatsi

    cpinatsi Senior Contributor

    Absolutely true. Showing that you care for a person that has gone through all this is the best way to help him/her recover. In my opinion psychology plays a major role in recovering.
  7. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    I agree with you for the most part though I think some people don't necessarily know how to show love without going too far in extremes- either really enabling or going all the way into "tough love" territory that doesn't really feel like love. It's a tough balance to strike but an important one.
  8. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I guess it is the same with a smoker? My SO won't be quitting anytime soon :( He said it himself, he said he'd do it when he feels is time, and then I wonder... will it be when he gets a cancer diagnosis? He is already coughing a lot. I really don't want to know if a cough like that is a bad sign or not, I just don't want to.

    I should probably ask tho, I have told him he should see a doctor, but ever since last year he is a bit afraid to go, because he fears this might not be covered by his insurance. I need to take him myself, i know.
  9. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    When we had love ones or friends who is into addiction your great support and love is the best kind of treatment they could have. Even you bring them into rehabilitation and they feel alone and neglected their recovery will not be that easy. But if they feel that they are being love and cared of despite their mistakes in life they will be more motivated to be treated at once. Love is all what we need to one another to enjoy life in this world.
  10. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yeah this is true. I guess it is harder when you are close to someone and you know them a long time. It might be easier to start trying to like them first. Sometimes in these situations the lines between love, like, and tolerate become blurred.
  11. vincelucker

    vincelucker Member

    This s very true, rebuking an addicted family member tends to make them feel unwanted and can therefore push them further into drug use. It is very vital that you show them love and support and this can help the stop using and be productive persons in the society. Everybody wants to be shown love.
  12. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    Love is the ultimate answer but sometimes we also need to be tactful and put our feet down. I mean support is great but when does a person draw the line? Addictions destroy families everyday. Do we continue to be wrapped up in someones problems or do we allow them to grow up and accept their responsibilities. I mean I just don't feel that it is fair to keep on suffering because of someone elses problems.
  13. light

    light Active Contributor

    The best medicine for an addict is love beyond measures. But sometimes people who go through addiction are not so acceptable towards love shown from family or friends, they are distant. Addicts really must come to a point where they decide firmly to quit drugs, otherwise our attempts will lead us to desperation and blame. Constantly showing love and appreciation to an addict is important but they must ask for help too. If an addict doesn’t feel the need to ask you for help or to become sober then the road towards making him quit drugs is too difficult.
  14. mickella18

    mickella18 Active Contributor

    Unconditional love is quite important. Love has powers that are far-reaching in time and space. If we show our loved ones love in their addition or recovery, we automatically gran them hope. They will have something to hold on to, other than a drug. So, show some love where love is due.
  15. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    If you show love to an addict, then it will be easier for you to convince him to stop taking drugs. If you become harsh to them, then they may avoid you. Be closer to them as possible so that you may be of help whenever they want to go out to take drugs. Always talk to them about the negative effects of taking drugs and they will come to understand.
    moreno58 likes this.
  16. GabinoTapia

    GabinoTapia Active Contributor

    Love can go a long way. I think that if a person is in need of help fighting an addiction, then their loved ones should always be there for them. If a person says they "love" the person, it does not show anything, only by showing the person and doing things to help them out and always being there for them is what will truly help.
  17. moreno58

    moreno58 Active Contributor

    I agree with you, but at the same time you can't just stop living your life to go around picking up the pieces for someone that doesn't notice you are there and only uses you. I'm talking about my personal situation here, it has been over three years that I have tried to help this person and watched how she has hurt and lied to people that love her. That just up and walks out when things don't suit her, no caring about anybody else. But yet expects everybody to keep letting her come back just to do it all over again. How do you deal with someone that uses everybody around her and doesn't care about anybody. It is so frustrating and overwhelming at times.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Unconditional love is important when dealing with an addict. But like @moreno58 said, your life is important, too. In fact, it's the most precious thing you have.

    If you "let go with love," it doesn't mean that you stop loving the addict. And it doesn't mean that you can't be supportive if they decide to seek help. It also doesn't mean that you're giving up on them. It just means that you realize that YOU are important, too. Becoming addicted to someone's addiction can destroy you and yours. I know, because I've been there, and it's not pretty.

    There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries when you love someone struggling with addiction.
  19. Tikibubba

    Tikibubba Member

    This is great advice, sometimes with all the information on the web, it gets difficult to find simple advice. I believe that if you show them your love and affection they will be more susceptible to hearing you out. This is a journey for all of us, but in the end we will learn something from it that may lead us to help someone else in a similar situation. When things get rough I normally go to the beach to relax, get my mind off of everything, what do you guys normally do when it gets a little heavy?
  20. Charlener

    Charlener Member

    I agree that love is an important aspect of it, but I also know that showing no other emotion is a good way to get used. Users use, drugs, alcohol, vices, and people. Sometimes if you don't show any tough love they will only use you as a way to get to the drugs. My friend would steal from my house to get her fix. I showed her a lot of love, but at some point, I had to love myself, and show that I was going to stand up for me also.