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Love is the key

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by jeremy2, Oct 30, 2014.

  1. Whiskers

    Whiskers Active Contributor

    Love is the healing balm. I learned this the hard way when I was a teen after my mom caught me sneaking back to the house after an evening out with my teenage friends. The sad smile on her face and the love in her eyes stayed with me a long time after that. It is that love that kept me going off with my friends without her consent after that. An addict needs to feel the love no matter their state. It is what gives them the will to try and get out of an addiction.
  2. I am new to this forum and I may not know what I am talking about, but I have been in love with my boyfriend of 5 years. I cant possibly be more supportive and loving than I am. I have set myself into the position of being used and abused, when he uses and abuses. When he is fine and clean, the world is perfect. There are no arguments, no lies, no stealing. Its almost paradise. I would find it hard to ever believe that 2 people could love each other more or even be anymore in touch with one another. As soon as that first pill hits his tongue, the anger and guilt of his addiction starts...and he is full on. He knows that he loves me, that he needs me and will lie to any length to get what he thinks that he needs at that moment. He will degrade me with all of the lies and expect me to believe them. I take him to his classes and some days he cops there. Some days he hates the people in his classes for using, some days he hates himself and others he loves himself. Its a confusing thing. Its hard, but I cant seem to give up because i know who is really in there somewhere...Love is not the answer, It helps and has saved him many times. I am just not so sure about if it is saving me.
    L_B likes this.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I totally agree with you about that. I just remember these song lyrics:

    "What the world needs now is love, sweet love
    It's the only thing that there's just too little of
    What the world needs now is love, sweet love
    No not just for some but for everyone"

    Spread peace and love, people! :)
  4. Starlight

    Starlight Member

    Yes, I agree. Love is very important when you're trying to help a loved one beat addiction. However, I do think that sometimes "tough" love is necessary as well. Sometimes a loved one has gone too far into their own world, so pushing and forcing them to face their addiction is also necessary. ;)
  5. layton

    layton Member

    I have to agree and disagree with this post. We tried to help my dad for years with his alcohol addiction. There are some people in the world that just do not want the love, support or help. This may sound rude, but I feel once you do all you can you need to let that negativity go and let that person want to help them self before you can help them. It can be such an exhausting thing.
  6. I agree. Love is the key to succeeding in conquering addiction, as well as helping someone conquer it. When you love someone, whether it is tough love or unconditionally forgiving someone who knows that they have done wrong, love IS the key.
  7. xeylonfm

    xeylonfm Member

    A family is the smallest social unit and an institution that has continued to define man since time immemorial. There is something powerful about family and the bond that holds family members together. It’s just more than love. An addict or someone who is the process of addiction or is recovering from addiction needs family support as the primary mechanism of empowering their personalities. Family is an assurance that they shall be with you because the concentrate on your personality rather than what the drugs are doing to you. So I too do strongly believe that love is one of the answers towards battling addiction and the constant the family assures the victim of their love and care for him/her is the more the addict is encouraged to turn around. Even though, this love and care should not be extravagant. There ought to be boundaries. The addict may disuse the love and sink further into drugs with the assurance that the family would come around for them no matter what. In this case, more stringent and compound measures should be taken. They will have taken advantage of the love and wasted it.
  8. hwarren

    hwarren Member

    As they say Love makes the world go round and it's something that everyone needs, we all have a thirst for love and it comforts us in the worst times of our life. If we didn't love one another there wouldn't be happiness and without happiness there is no recovery. Keep on loving everyone :)
  9. thash1979

    thash1979 Active Contributor

    I agree, love is key to helping. I've been with my husband for 8 years. I am his rock, best friend, and biggest advocate. He needs ne in his corner so he doesn't lose control and be back where he was years ago. Everyday is a struggle weather he wants to admit it or not. I will be by his side through the worst of times. I let him know each day that he isn't in this alone. We will walk each day together.
  10. dalzieleone

    dalzieleone Member

    I totally agree with this point. Love is the key. Love is everything and all you can offer. When an addict knows that you support him/her despite their addiction, it makes a difference. It makes him/her believe in oneself. They will start feeling important and knowing that they matter. They will know that despite their addictions they are still good people who are loved. At the end of it, you might be surprised that they snap back and choose to get better.
  11. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I have a hard time with this statement. I love my husband to no end. I have loved and supported him no matter what. I have loved him more then I have loved myself at times. I have always had his back and he knows he can count on me to never walk away. I have loved and supported him through the lies, the cheating, the abuse, the downright terrible times. Through better or worse I have always been there. Love hasn't been enough though. It hasn't been enough to get him clean or to change his ways. Love sometimes isnt enough. I know that because I live it every day of my life. If love was enough he would be clean now and not the alcoholic/drug user that he is today.
  12. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    Love and support both are necessary to help an addict recover. You should never make and addict feel alone and misfit. If you accept him/her, he will be willing to listen to you, may be even inspired to give up addiction.
  13. emeraldnights

    emeraldnights Member

    As hard as it must be to love an addict, I can't even express how much they need it. The embarrassment and shame is so overwhelming at times, it would have meant the world to me if any of my family would have been supportive instead of accusatory. It would have meant a lot if just one of them had told me they loved me and they were going to help me through it. Please don't ever think it means nothing.
  14. Droz

    Droz Member

    Love can conquer many things including addiction. When a person suffers from the disease of addiction, their loved ones also feel the pain. This is very important to understand. The addicted person and their loved one experience the unfortunate circumstances together. With this in mind, love should act as a glue that binds people together during the addiction and throughout the recovery process.
  15. Makana

    Makana Member

    I couldn't agree more with jeremy2. To rebuke an addict, especially a close family member, is to push him/her deeper into the habit. Contrary to popular belief, all drug addicts are constantly seeking a way out of their habits and as such, they tend to take lectures on drug abuse as an affront on their intelligence. Patiently giving them time to make a way out of their bad habits is the greatest show of love.