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Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by kcareconnections, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. I have never had any addictions so I don't know from experience. But I am wondering, do you think falling in love with someone special can help? I ask because my cousin is a recovering alcoholic. He tried so many times to get sober. But then he met a wonderful lady. At first he still battled his addictions. SHe almost left him over it and that seemed to be a wake-up call for him. He has been sober about 2 years now.
    Nancy D. likes this.
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Yes love can help. It forces an addict to weigh his options. What's more important to him? Embrace drugs to escape reality for a short while or hold onto something that will last much longer [which isn't harmful to his body].

    Nonetheless I think using someone else as an anchor [to give up an addiction] may work only for the short term. In time love fades. If you gave up drugs for love, won't your disappointment drive you right back to where you came?
  3. juno

    juno Community Champion

    Having a wonderful support system can definitely help, and if it is coming from a significant other then that is great. However, I have to say that if this becomes a codependency issue than it is not healthy. You can't rely on others for your health. You have to take responsibility for your self. Life can bring many changes, and if for any reason the relationship changes, then you don't want to risk falling off the wagon.
  4. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I can see why it would help a person. Meeting someone special gives you some hope. It could also make you realise that you have to sort yourself out if you want to keep hold of that person. It's like life suddenly gains a reason and there is now something worth living for.
  5. morganmar33

    morganmar33 Member

    I can tell you first hand that yes love can help end an addiction. My husband is a major factor in my recovery. When I met him I was drinking too much. Over time he saw that it was a problem. He began to tell me that my drinking was out of control and that he would not stand by and watch me hurt myself, our relationship was over if I didn't stop. I love him more than anything on earth so I chose him. If something were to happen to him or us would I pick up drinking again? No, because the time I spent away from alcohol made me realize that living without it leads to a much better life. Just having that clarity can do wonders.
  6. goldenmaine

    goldenmaine Active Contributor

    To have a partner that is always by your side in good times and in bad is very vital to someone who is recovering. People in recovery need all the support that they can get. A partner who shows love and support is especially helpful because it is a love that is unconditional and can bring happiness and comfort to the person in recovery. The right partner should always be positive and be there for his/her other half however bad the situation will get.
  7. I certainly believe that love can help with most addictions. When I was struggling with my addictions I always felt alone, and that there was no one in the world that was going to accept me with all of problems. My whole whole world changed when I met my boyfriend. My boyfriend could see the real me even though I put walls up to try and keep him out of the darker aspects of my personality. Eventually I learned that his purpose in trying to get close to me was to try and help me through my addiction so that we could have a future together. With the help of my boyfriend and the rest of my family I am almost ready to celebrate my fourth year of being drug free. Without the influence of my boyfriend I might still be in that dark place with no hope in sight.
  8. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Although saying this may sound so cheesy, but more often than not, love changes everything. I'm not just talking about romantic love, however. Other kinds of love like the love a parent and the love a friend can all make a difference in the life a person who badly needs to change for the better. The caveat here is that the person has to have that sweeping love - a love strong enough to want to change for the person.
  9. BobPopporro

    BobPopporro Active Contributor

    that work for someone, and again it still varies to person to person. Your cousin must really love this girl.
  10. Dehmar

    Dehmar Member

    Yes I think falling in love can help someone get sober. There is this desire in us to try an please our partners in one way or another and often times we see persons change portions of their life style in order to accommodate someone in their lives. So its no surprise that your cousin got sober after meeting someone special.
  11. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    Love is a double edged sword. How? What happens if she decides he's not the one for her & she leaves him, will he turn to alcohol? Likely. It's nice to have people who support you but you should avoid leaning the weight of your addiction on them because people move & you may fall.
  12. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Or even worse, having a partner who is too scared to leave in case they cause you to relapse. The more I think about it, the more unfair it seems to lay your happiness on one individual - you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.

    OGRICHBOI Member

    Love will help immensely, in ways you cannot even imagine. Once you fall in love, your partner will support you in everything you do. Just make sure not to fully rely on that person. There are boundaries and you need to respect them. Good luck, and find true love!
  14. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    Absolutely. So, proof that love can be a hindrance or a help but it's a slippery slope. You can only truly rely on yourself. It may feel like it's an isolating statement but if you feel that way I think you're not viewing it correctly. It's empowering. It's empowering to know that you can truly control your destiny.
  15. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I read a beautiful story of a guy who found his wife while dealing with an addiction. It turned out to be a beautiful love story. Clearly, love can and does help. I am happy to read of these success stories.
  16. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    That's cool that he found a reason to quit. Everyone can find a reason for sobriety. It comes in all shapes and forms. His was a significant other. Others might find it in another form. Like loving you job.
  17. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    Love can definitely help someone change their addictive ways, depends on the person though. Not everyone will be like this. I know that love changed me for the better.
    I have been an on-and-off cigarette smoker for many years. Terrible addiction, and I used to chain smoke, which made things even worse. One day I had a long, casual conversation with a man who worked at my son's school. We were talking basketball, as we had done so many times before that. This conversation was different though. At the end of that conversation I realized that I was in love with him, and I was in such an elated mood that I quit smoking that day. Quit, just like that. That lasted for a long while. Love made it happen.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
  18. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    Love helps so much because it means someone is there to support you and be there for you. Not having those things can make someone feel incredibly lonely and afraid and this can lead to some destructive thoughts and behaviours.
    stariie likes this.
  19. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Well done you, that's a lovely story! So what happened then? Are you together now? Sorry for being nosy!
    stariie likes this.
  20. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    If you think this story is lovely, you should see the man that I'm talking about:D... poetry in motion, he is.

    No, we are not together, and actually didn't become a couple. My best friend at the time kind of talked me out of the idea of being with the guy.

    As I said, the man worked at my son's school, the PE teacher. I knew that day, after "that" talk, that I was in love with him, but I didn't tell him. To me it would have been kind of awkward. Small charter school, I volunteered at the school on pretty much a daily basis. I didn't want the tongues to start wagging about me being into this guy, but I did tell my best friend at the time.

    My best friend also volunteered at the school, and had a son who went to the school as well. She and I, and our two sons, hung out together pretty much 5 days a week.

    Summer vacation was coming up, and I decided I was going to let the PE teacher know how I felt right before summer break, so that he and I could maybe hang out during the summer.

    My best friend told me it was a bad idea, she thought I was being foolish, she told me, "If he wants to be with you, he'll let you know. He hasn't asked you for your phone number, and he knows summer break is almost here. If he wanted to get in touch with you over the summer, he would let you know. He hasn't, so he doesn't."

    I agreed with her, figured that she was right, so I didn't tell him how I felt.

    Next school year came, he said some nice things to me, but never asked me for my number. The school moved locations, I decided that the commute was too far and put my son in another school, and that was that.

    That was years ago. These days, I see him on twitter and other social media places, but I haven't reached out to him.

    I didn't smoke for quite a while after falling in love with him, but I eventually started back again. I have stopped and started and stopped many times since then. But that experience with him was a game changer for me.