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Making friends in recovery: is it harder to do when your older?

Discussion in 'Other Recovery Support Groups' started by JayLyn, Sep 29, 2015.

  1. JayLyn

    JayLyn Active Contributor

    I've never had an easy time make close friends. Even when I was a kid, I never had more than two or three friends at a time, and usually there was just one "good friend" and a couple of girls that I played with if the "best friend" was sick or otherwise indisposed of." So part of using for me was the fringe element I finally managed to cling to the outer edges of, and when I would stop. I never had anyone who I was close to, to confide in or do things with. Making friends when you are an older woman who has never been social, is a trial to begin with, add into it that you are in recovery and your choice of people you are willing to share that with trims down the number of available women to make friends with to an even smaller group. I have been lucky enough to click with one woman in recovery that I met through a parenting group years ago and I discovered how much support I found in having a friend in recovery. Drugs however, were not out of our lives for good yet and so we decided we would be best off ending the friendship. Since then I have not met another person with whom I can share my experiences with. I miss that so much and feel like it is a huge part of a successful recovery. I am therefore, so very very grateful to forums like this that give my words voice and give me feedback and insight from a number of supportive people whom I am comfortable in sharing with,
    Thank you everyone who posts in this forum, you help fill an empty space left by lack of a supportive friend in my life at present. I am sure a lot of others who are not able to easily make close friends feel the same. Do you think that as we get older it gets more and more difficult to make friends? Do you think it is harder for women and do you think being in recovery stops us from making close friends as opposed to casual ones?
    Damien Lee likes this.
  2. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    Two or three close friends I think is good, don't beat yourself up for it and to answer your question, making friends is very important to get recovered and making friends with people who share your pain and situation helps both of you get recovered soon.
    Damien Lee likes this.
  3. medievalmama

    medievalmama Community Listener Community Listener

    I find that being in recovery makes it possible for me to have close friends. "Back in the day," I had lots of acquaintances that I 'thought' were friends. Really, the only things we had in common were the drinking/drugs (and the Grateful Dead).

    Today, I am able to actually connect with people. I'm almost 50, and my life is much different than when I was younger. I'm just not interested in parties and things like that. I enjoy having a cup of coffee and chatting, or maybe taking a short hike. I am lucky where I live. There is 1 particular meeting where we all get together after. I do sometimes envy when I hear others talking about getting together outside meetings and doing fun stuff, but my time is filled mostly with family commitments.

    I don't know if this helps at all. I think having a sponsor helped me learn how to connect with others, and how to trust others. Writing this, I'm thinking of all the people who we talked about 'getting together for coffee' some time, and I still haven't done it. Maybe this will motivate me to take action.
    Damien Lee likes this.
  4. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Well, it's usually easier for men to make new friends than it is for women. I don't know the reason for this but it's just something that I've picked up from observing folks around me. The same applies to people of either sex, as they get older. Nevertheless, it's important to have a few loyal friends close to you during this critical recovery period.
  5. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I do think so. I've been so unlucky in this department, I had very few friends as a kid... many of them had to move out for one reason and another and there I was again: all alone. Some of us seem to be destined to that fate, which no longer bothers me. But yes, making friends at this age, specially trying to enter a well established friend circle is almost impossible. But it is possible to make friends even for people our age :) Don't worry! You just need to search, have you thought of using So you can connect with more people? I plan to use it once I move, just to meet other foreigners.
  6. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I am also someone who is fine with just a friend or two but I can easily get along to almost anyone. I prefer small circle of friends.
    I think having or getting friends depends on the personality and not on age. But as we get older, it is harder to find a friend who can always be there or true since life gets busy on lots of stuffs.
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Making new friends needn't be any harder when you are older. If you are religious go to church. I'm sure that you'll meet lots of friendly people there. If that can't work then volunteering would also work just as well.

    No. In fact the people who stand by you in recovery can turn out to be some of your best friends because you have something in common — you all hate drugs.