Living with an addict is hard to do. My husband is a recovering addict and alcoholic. His drug of choice is opiates (Percocets). He has had some slips in the passed 4 years since we have been together. He has been to rehab twice both times in which he went away for a month at a time while I was pregnant( 2 different pregnancies). I've felt abandoned and alone. I've felt a sense of resentment and anger which I don't know will ever go away. My husband as far as I know has now been sober for the passed 11 months. He has struggled at times and his anxiety has been a problem so he is now currently taking antidepressants along with suboxone and clonopin. Im afraid of him abusing these medications and of course he has come short on his clonopin a few times before refill because he was taking a little more than prescribed some days and as well as the suboxone. I've confronted him about the amount he takes in one day (I counted the pills in the morning and again at night) and he lied about the amount he was taking after I asked him. I don't understand why he lies to me. He tells me it's old habits and he knows he shouldn't lie but he just does. Red flag? Can this be sign of relapse? He tells me he's on the right track. He has a sponsor and he goes to meetings but he has done all that before and just to find out he was using again. Can this time be different? I don't know, I'm not him. He's a master manipulator and he's not easy to detect. I actually had to use an app called "mustache" which disguises my cell as a different number and i portrayed a drug dealer just to get some answers. Yes, it was very clever on my part to finally get the truth that he was looking for drugs and then came out he was using but do I have to take it to these measures? No. It's exhausting! Point is, I constantly worry if my husband is on the right track in his recovery. He says he is and after coming back from rehab the last time he's in a new state of mind. He does seem to be doing well but I can't help myself based on our history that he could still be hiding things very well or lying to me about other things if he's already lying about how many clonopin he's taking. I can't help but to question him constantly. We have two young kids. One is 2 1/2 and the other 7 months old. I just want the best for us and I don't want this to consume me or the family. I constantly worry and I know I can't control him but I don't know how to understand him and I'm paranoid about him lying. My biggest fear is him using again. Please share your thoughts. How can I be supportive in his recovery if I'm suspicious and I have no solid trust?