I am genuinely grateful to have found this forum. I believe that one addition I have is to masochism, self sabotage, and self harm. Has anyone suffered from this? What helped you through it? It is hard to describe how it all began. For one thing, I had to watch someone experience pain when I was younger, whereas I was spared. I lived under a huge cloud of guilt in believing that I didn't deserve to be spared. So I started self harming in order to control the situation. Next came the masochism. I can look back over my life and see that I aligned myself with toxic friends, and even went out of my way to date people who culturally could never have a future with me. In some weird, twisted way, I masochistically chose to suffer. And finally came the self sabotage. I kind of know exactly where that came from. Growing up, circumstances completely out of my control would make planning for any eventuality impossible. I could try to plan, and then decisions of people more powerful than me would completely destroy my plans. So I began to sabotage myself as a preemptive measure against disappointment. None of this makes me happy - it's sick. It goes against all the laws of nature to deliberately fight against your own survival! What are your stories regarding masochism? Have you overcome it?