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Me & My Struggle

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Blank 239, Dec 9, 2015.

  1. Blank 239

    Blank 239 Member

    Denial. You always think its not a problem but I really do have a problem. I have lost my house, my job, & slowly im losing my family. Crack Cocaine has done this to me or I did it to myself. I have been beating myself down & also have my boyfriend who beats me down mentally too. He also has the same addiction as I. I also smoke marijuana but feel the crack ruined me. I want to leave the drug as it really doesnt make me feel good. I get major anxiety from it & always feel depressed. I dont know what to do anymore & sometimes I just want to give up but I think of my children & keep going because of them. I feel so lost in this world.
  2. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Sorry, sorry this is happening. I think calling the 800 number at the top of the page will get you started in the right direction. You are among people here who undertand and can be a support for you. It sounds like a good detox and rehab would be the first step. You will do better for yourself and your children.
    deanokat and MrsJones like this.
  3. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    Thank you for sharing well. Well the good thing is that you recognize the need for help. I think you should do as @kgord mentioned and call the number at the top of the page. You really need someone in your corner right now to help you through this.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    You have made a huge step forward by coming here and admitting you have a problem and that you need help. That is the first step. You need to do it not only for you but for your children. Your children need their mom to be healthy so she can be there for them for a long time. Seek out the help you need. There are lots of resources out there. You deserve a better life. You don't deserve to be beat down mentally by anybody. Come here and talk to us. There are people on here who can steer you in the right direction. All the best to you. You can do this.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  5. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @Blank 239! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. I am really sorry to hear about the struggles, and pain you're currently going through. Well, I think the best thing for you to do now is to stay focused on your goal to be clean, and sober. As much as possible, avoid social situations that would just tempt you to do substance abuse again. You can do it. Just be strong, and patient. Make your children your inspiration in this life. Keep us posted. I would be rooting for you.
    deanokat and MrsJones like this.
  6. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hello Blank! First of all, congratulate yourself for coming this far. You may not realize it but you are on your way to recovery with this simple admission. Hopefully, by telling us your problem, the pain in your heart slowly wanes. Take a breather and think about what you want to do for your children. What kind of environment would you like them to grow up in? How 'bout you? For how long will you endure such a mentally abusive boyfriend? Are you willing to fight for yourself and raise your children well? Or will you let your situation get the better of you?

    I know without a doubt that this uncertainty you're feeling right now is just temporary. Sooner or later, you'll be able to see your own strength and do what you can to recover from your addiction, be free from an abusive relation and become the best mother to your kids. Don't hesitate to ask support from friends and family. Share your burdens with them and you'll feel lighter and more encouraged.

    Best of luck!
  7. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Cocaine is one of those addictions that may ruin anyone's life with ease @Blank 239, however it's your sincere resolution to quit what is going to help you going out of that hell.

    Yes! you can make it, and you have a reason to do it. As @dyanmarie25 said, your children have to be your inspiration, and you will see how focusing on their happiness you will be able to make everything to get clean and sober.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  8. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That's the main thing, we feel great getting high, we consider ourselves to be different, we live in denial up to the point when we realize we cannot live without it...
  9. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    There came a time when you gotta check yourself into a rehab, for better or worse.
  10. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hello Blank 239 and thank you for sharing your story. Thank God that denial is not a problem for you any more. So now it's time to put some order in your life. Stop beating yourself is the first thing by using that is not going to help you be successful on your new journey in life. Yes, it's going to be tough but as others have said you can do this. All that you have lost (house and job) you can regain in time but you don't want to lose your children. They are your cornerstone in rebuilding your life. Some sacrifices have to be made. Your boyfriend should be with you once you make it clear to him what you want to do, if he is not then you need to let him go. You may need to seek housing assistance or work a less paying job but look beyond those things and see the bigger picture of your life. Just know that we are here to support you and hope to hear better outcomes of your journey. Stay with us.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  11. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    Hey there, welcome to our community. Sorry to hear that the horrible crack addiction has taken so much away from you. I truly wish that you stand up, and find strength in yourself to take the road of recovery and improvement. Make the first steps, and it will be hard but it will always be worth it, trust me. All of us here have been lost in this world at one point or the other, and the hope that we will find the way keeps the light within oneself.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  12. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I really feel your pain and i just want to encourage you during this difficult period in your life. It's good when you know the root cause of your problems and an glad that you're not soo much into denial. All this will come to pass and with will power and determination, you will surely overcome your drug problem. All the best of luck.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  13. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    So Sorry to hear your battling a Crack Addiction. You have made a step in the right direction by coming to this forum and being honest about the addiction. I agree you probably should go to rehab. As this will give you a good place to start. If your boyfriend doesnt want to get help you need to leave him and think about yourself and your children. I know how far down this addiction can take you ive been there. You need to start somewhere to dig yourself out of the pit your in. Ask God to help you and do the foot work. Get into some 12 step meetings and rebuild your life. Dont give up. Thats the easy way out. Remember you have your childrens lives at stake. Good Luck on your road to recovery.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  14. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum. At least you are on the right track by acknowledging that you have a problem. The next step would be to actually do something about it. How about you try rehab or counselling? You must do whatever it takes to recover for the sake of your kids. Make them your motivation for wanting to be sober.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  15. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Just along to say welcome Blank and here is where I feel you can fill in some of the blank spaces in your life so to speak. Like others have said you have made a great decision to join us here and we are happy to help you to the extent we can. I agree with all the wonderful advice that all have shared. Think of the children, try to get into some sort of program and find that strength you need to press on. It will get better and know that we are here for you.
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2015
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  16. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Your addiction has completely changed your life and it seems that nobody near you can help you quit drugs. What made you start abusing drugs? Stress can be a major cause and influence from friends or family members. Have you ever considered going to a rehab? That will be a good option since you are unable to quit by yourself. Talk to your friends and family members and I know that they will help you while considering the same.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  17. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Good thing that you are wanting to seek help and you can probably find some support groups near you. Right that your children will be your great motivators and inspiration in getting rid of that addiction. Believe that there will be always hope especially for those who are willing to help themselves. :)
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Blank 239... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing so honestly with us. You have made a courageous first step by coming here and telling us your story.

    You can beat your cocaine addiction if you truly want to. And the fact that you are no longer in denial is a good indicator that you're ready to change. You have to set getting clean as a goal, focus on that goal, and work your butt off to achieve it. Will it be easy? Probably not. But anything worth having is worth working very, very hard for. Sobriety is one of those things.

    You may want to consider seeing an addiction specialist. They can do an assessment of your situation and suggest the best course of treatment for you, be it inpatient, outpatient, or whatever. I also think that you should seek out an NA or SMART Recovery meeting. Being amongst other people who have gone through, or are going through, what you're experiencing can be incredibly educational and valuable.

    Also, know that we are here to help and support you any way we can. We are a large group of caring, non-judgmental people, and we truly care about you. Do please don't hesitate to reach out whenever you need to.

    I am sending you positive, sober vibes. And a virtual hug, too. You can do this, Blank. I know you can. And we are here to help.
  19. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I really like what you are saying deanokat, sending positive vibes is something very important, as important as the fact to believe in ourselves, that we can do it, if we truly believe in that we will make it.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.
  20. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    @Blank 239, you have completed the first step in recovery. Simply acknowledging that you have a problem and wishing to overcome it is a huge step! What is even greater is that you have sought out help, another big step on the path headed in the right direction! The other people on this forum are incredibly insightful and helpful, you came to the right place.

    You can overcome your addiction. It will take work, and it will not happen over night. However, continue to remind yourself why you are doing this. Your kids deserve a drug-free parent, and you deserve a better life, too. Do it for them and do it for you. You can do this! Life can be better.
    Blank 239 and deanokat like this.