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Messy Alcoholic/Drunk

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by pandabear1991, Feb 22, 2015.

  1. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    I have never had a problem with alcohol and I do not plan to. I am the type of drinker who drinks with friends--like 2 times a year, socially, responsibly, and only long enough to hate the hangover the next day. So as you can imagine, a few wine coolers or cocktails do me in pretty bad. However, my father is what I consider a "Messy Drunk." This name follows with several contributions and reasonable factors to his addiction/condition.

    Even though we were not close, while I was a child and up, we have become close over the past 2 years. My Dad has always had a tendency to run away from his problems, instead of facing them head on. Whether the occasion be family trauma/tragedy, broken heart from bad relationships, or terminated employment--any and every event to get drunk (beer only, never liquor) and make a fool out of himself on Facebook.

    I am sure he is not alone in this world as far as ranting at friends and family and burning bridges along the way. But it is posing a huge problem. He tends to become suicidal, angry, spiritually uneasy, and often tries to do things he knows will jeopardize his career as an Over the Road Trucker--his career of 20+ years. In fact, I have often seen him come in drunk, with beer, and of course he drove his truck home like that!

    I have also recently decided to live with him, to help him and to be supportive. This was also at his request, as his last suicide attempt over a woman had him hospitalized for a few weeks--no one knew, and even though she had him admitted (and of course she worked there), she never bothered to tell anyone. I know too well that no one is perfect, however his biggest problem is in his relationship area, how he lets it control what he does and how he thinks, even down to how he eats. Further more, he recently had a stroke. He was hospitalized for a week. They started out as mini strokes while he was over the road, and he had no way to get home, and no one to help him. When he came home, I took him myself for treatment.

    Any time I come home now and find my Dad drinking, I limit his intake to the best I can (often he would drink as soon as I would leave for weekend shopping, which included a list of his needed things). I wish more than anything he would stop drinking altogether--but of course he is one to find reasons to keep doing it. My Dad has been set in his ways for years, and I have done my best to try and help him. Not to mention I can in no way control anything he does while OTR, but I have made the promise to call his employer if I knew he was driving under the influence again. His drinking has lightened to my knowledge. I at least no longer see the rants on Facebook or get bogus calls from him. I would rather see these things if he still is, that way I know. But for now, all I can do is pray and hope that I will not have to escalate to an intervention in the future.

    Using the beer as a way to cope has damaged my Dad's health. When he rants, raves, and does what his body cannot handle--he scares me. But it does not stop me from trying to help. If putting my foot down and taking it away while I can is a bad thing, then I don't want to be right. I love my Dad and thank God every day he is alive.

    If you have a better suggestion, or some advise on how else I can possibly help him reach sobriety, please say what you are thinking. He is only in his early 40's, he can still enjoy a long life ahead of him.
  2. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    If he's the type of alcoholic you are describing this may be too big an issue to rack on your shoulders. I know you're trying to limit his intake but the truth is a drinker by this nature has alcohol hidden or accessible ALWAYS. I think an inpatient treatment move may work better for him while you hold the fort down. He's clearly set in his ways & good intentions can only get you so far. If he has not made a personal decision (based on the consequences of his bad ones) to stop/slow drinking there is nothing you can do to change that.
    pandabear1991 likes this.
  3. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    @JoanMcWench You are quite right. I mean, he has done inpatient because his addiction along with his breakup led to suicide, and i should have been more clear--he was in inpatient 2 different occasions for a total of 2 6 weeks. they put him on Lithium each time, but since he had pushed everyone away and was in a different state at this point, I had nothing to do with it nor do I know the real statistics.

    All I know for now is that if he starts up again, an intervention into inpatient care, and possibly my son, husband and myself leaving my sister to care for him. Your right, I want to help and there is only so much I can actually do. It is his choice to stay sober at this point. I cannot do it for him.