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Meth addiction

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by Jennifer hardy, Nov 13, 2018.

  1. I'm getting more and more hopeless I can't seem to do this anymore I've reached out and no one can really help
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Jennifer hardy... I'm sorry that you're feeling hopeless. Who have you reached out to? Have you tried finding an addiction specialist to help you? An addiction specialist is a doctor who is thoroughly trained in all aspects of addiction, so they know way more about it than "regular" doctors. They can assess your situation and recommend the best next steps for you. That could include inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment, counseling, etc. Are you willing to try any of those things? What about support group meetings like NA, AA, or SMART Recovery. There is lots of help and comfort to be found at those meetings because everyone can relate to what you're going through and feeling.

    Getting clean isn't easy, but it's definitely worth all the hard work. We are here to help and support you any way we can. And we will always listen without judgment, so you are safe here. I hope @True concern will read your post and give you some of his insight and wisdom.

    Sending you love, light, and hope. Lots and lots of hope. And I'd like to share this quote with you:

    "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

    Please, my friend. Don't give up. Don't ever give up.
    True concern likes this.
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Jennifer hardy

    Hello Jennifer. Thanks for reaching out here. I am really sorry that you're struggling so much. I know that you probably feel alone, but please know that you're not. We are here for you the best way that we can be via the Internet. Dean has asked you some great questions regarding what you actually have tried. Everyone's recovery path may look a little bit different. So what works for one might not work for another, but the key is to try everything that you can to see what might work for you. There's no getting around that it takes some hard work. And time and patience and accountability and commitment and discipline. (ETC)

    So you've really got to draw a thick Line in the sand and say "Alright this is what I am committing to. Come hell or high water or regardless of how many times I relapse or how life disappoints me, this is the path I'm choosing to walk!"

    And you just keep trying and trying and trying. You get the supports that you need (counselor, support group, etc.) And know that we've got your back!

    Feel free to share more about you and what's going on.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Jennifer hardy I have read both your post and I don't think I responded to your first because you haven't shared enough for me to be able to understand or feel the hopeless you feel,I respond differently than many here because I am a recovering addict who suffered for over 20 year's and as I read each story I can almost feel what each person describes as I have been down all those dark roads personally so I hope you can open up,share some of your honest pain and hurt so that I/we can have a clearer picture of how to and what might help you.There is hope,there is help but it starts with peeling back that first layer of hopelessness and shedding some light on what is going on so please if you could share a little more about yourself.Just in case you don't feel comfortable or maybe you feel shame or guilt or whatever it is I will share part of my story so you know a little about me,please read it and know I have overcome some intense nightmares in my life and I would be honored to be there for you.You are not alone and you never have to be so please give us a chance.

    This is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you
    deanokat likes this.