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Meth almost destroyed me

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Julio T., Oct 4, 2018.

  1. Julio T.

    Julio T. Member

    i was introduced to crystal meth on Father’s Day of this year. It instantly took hold of me and I watched the drug completely take control of my life. Meth became everything to me when I had dope on me I was happy, when I was running low I would get worried, and when I ran out I became desperate like if I had just lost a child. I fantasized about that evil drug. I was powerless and could not stop no matter how hard I tried. The worst part about it is that it made me not care about my family. I paid no mind to my 3 young boys or fiancé. Meth was all I cared for, getting high was my new priority and way of life. I couldn’t do a damn thing for myself because I always had to have that vicious drug. I tried to kill my self twice in drug induced psychosis. Lucky for me I didn’t but I was getting violent and extremely aggressive towards my family to the point I almost hurt them that scared me the most because I couldn’t stop so that’s when I tried to kill my self in my head that was the only way I could protect them. Apart from that I swore that everyone was against me I became paranoid that people were out to get me. I was hallucinating and hearing voices. I had an episode of meth mites and it was scary, I curled into a fetal position saying to myself it’s all in my head and I did this for 3 hours. I had to because I started scratching away with all my might. Meth is a monster and it turned me into a monster. But luckily I was able to make one decision for myself and that was to go to rehab. That was the best thing I could of ever done for myself. I went away for two months and the first month was a nightmare. Hallucinations, voices, anxiety attacks,tremors, depression, intense cravings, short term memory loss, loss of a lot of normal brain functions, I was basically left in a retarded state. Now I’m not trying to minimize it when I say this, but I used for only a month but I used so damn much I snorted at the very least 12 huge lines a day every day without fail. I did so much damage to my brain in that short amount of time. I’m lucky I made it out I can’t even begin to think of what would of happened if I would of waited another month or two I think I would be dead or homeless lost in the addiction. So here I am clean for some time but I just got back home last week on Wednesday. But I’m feeling extremely hopeless and depressed I have no energy or will to do anything. I didn’t know that this is all part of the terrible effects meth causes the body and mind. I hear this could last a year or as in more severe cases 3 years. I can’t bare the thought of that much time feeling like this. It’s 4:08 am I was asleep and had a using dream it felt so real that I woke up scared and in a panic. Anxiety kicked in but so did the cravings. I’m looking forward to talking and getting help and advice from the group I could really use it. I do go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and do have a support group but they can’t be with me all the time. So I’m giving this group a try in hopes I can get through this or learn how some of you have made your recovery successful. Glad I found this group I need to talk to people that understand the power and destructiveness of meth. It’s not easy and I know it won’t be but I’m not giving up inlove life and I’ve been gifted a second chance and I will not ruin this one I’m doing this for myself and for my kids and fiancée I have all the motivation and determination in the world.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Julio T.... Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm go glad to hear that you're clean. And that you're going to NA meetings. I don't have any personal experience with meth, but I know there are people here who do. People like @True concern. I hope those people will reach out and start a conversation with you.

    I know you can get through this. And we are here to help you do that. If you need support, advice, or just some folks to listen to you get things off your chest, you can do that here. So don't hesitate to come back as often as you'd like, okay?

    Sending you tons of positive juju, and even more encouragement and hope. You got this, my friend.
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  3. Julio T.

    Julio T. Member

    Thank you man I really appreciate it. I’m looking forward talking to new people man. Been home after two months at rehab but now I’m feeling empty and depressed. Would like some advice and people to talk to. So ya man thanks
  4. Lostboy8731

    Lostboy8731 Community Champion

    Welcome @Julio T. Glad you found us. I wanna say congrats and way to go on your recovery so far. Making the choice to go to rehab is huge! So way to go. Secondly you did the right thing by reaching out to this group, there's so many knowledge filled caring and supportive members here. I just found them the other day and theyve been nothing short of supportive and caring. Keep up the fight very proud
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Julio T.

    Hello and welcome. Thank you for sharing part of your story here. I'm really sorry that you got messed up with meth, i'm very proud of you for going to rehab and getting clean. Most of us understand here that addiction isn't about the person necessarily, it's a disease of the brain or an illness of the brain or however you want to say it.

    That's wonderful that you go to na. That you have a support group. Do you have a sponsor? Do you actively work the steps? I don't have a past with drugs, but I'm familiar with 12-step groups and working a program. My first 12-step workbook was the first time in life I started to look at my inner self. I didn't even have a clue how to answer most of the questions because I never really allowed myself to feel emotions, stuffing them my whole life. No wonder I was dealing with depression.

    At the time I didn't have money for counseling, so I began reading a lot of books and started an inner spiritual journey. Took up meditation and just educated myself on things like emotional healing, overcoming Depression, coping techniques, and so on. I suppose it was more like a holistic recovery along this bumpy journey of life.

    I also got involved in a couple community events that seem to help.

    From a scientific point of view, it can help you to try some things that maybe you can get passionate about. When your brain starts making those new neural connections associated with pleasurable experiences, it will kind of unlearn that familiar neural connection between meth and pleasure. You want it to delete that ASAP LOL.

    I'm kind of all over the place here, and I hope something that I said helps. Just know that we are definitely here and we would love to get to know you better and be part of your life Journey. You'll never find judgment here. Just a bunch of people who will believe the best for you and hold space for you.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Julio T. I read your story and everything you have noticed about that substance is true,it only wants one thing and that's everything you have and everything you could ever be.Im super happy to hear you still have your family, use them for strength to remain sober,unfortunately there are people like myself who had to lose them and everything else and then some to start fighting for sobriety, in all reality if you stay completely sober you will have these unfavorable emotions for 5-6 month's, feel their love,look into their eye's, hold them,talk with them,and when your about to break as those thing's will torque your emotions go in the restroom, shut the door and stare into the mirror,dig deep into your heart and soul,and forgive yourself. Let the tears flow my friend and feel the anger and depression and turn to the thought of life without them,use that pain to focus your mind,use that fear to open your heart,use that sadness to deliver the motivation you need to stay on track and heal the wounds, use that love to break free of the demons that confine you. I'm proud of you my friend fight for them with all your heart because if you don't that substance will re enter your life.You can do this,you are doing this,and you don't have to do it alone. STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
    deanokat, LaurenJ and Lostboy8731 like this.