i was introduced to crystal meth on Father’s Day of this year. It instantly took hold of me and I watched the drug completely take control of my life. Meth became everything to me when I had dope on me I was happy, when I was running low I would get worried, and when I ran out I became desperate like if I had just lost a child. I fantasized about that evil drug. I was powerless and could not stop no matter how hard I tried. The worst part about it is that it made me not care about my family. I paid no mind to my 3 young boys or fiancé. Meth was all I cared for, getting high was my new priority and way of life. I couldn’t do a damn thing for myself because I always had to have that vicious drug. I tried to kill my self twice in drug induced psychosis. Lucky for me I didn’t but I was getting violent and extremely aggressive towards my family to the point I almost hurt them that scared me the most because I couldn’t stop so that’s when I tried to kill my self in my head that was the only way I could protect them. Apart from that I swore that everyone was against me I became paranoid that people were out to get me. I was hallucinating and hearing voices. I had an episode of meth mites and it was scary, I curled into a fetal position saying to myself it’s all in my head and I did this for 3 hours. I had to because I started scratching away with all my might. Meth is a monster and it turned me into a monster. But luckily I was able to make one decision for myself and that was to go to rehab. That was the best thing I could of ever done for myself. I went away for two months and the first month was a nightmare. Hallucinations, voices, anxiety attacks,tremors, depression, intense cravings, short term memory loss, loss of a lot of normal brain functions, I was basically left in a retarded state. Now I’m not trying to minimize it when I say this, but I used for only a month but I used so damn much I snorted at the very least 12 huge lines a day every day without fail. I did so much damage to my brain in that short amount of time. I’m lucky I made it out I can’t even begin to think of what would of happened if I would of waited another month or two I think I would be dead or homeless lost in the addiction. So here I am clean for some time but I just got back home last week on Wednesday. But I’m feeling extremely hopeless and depressed I have no energy or will to do anything. I didn’t know that this is all part of the terrible effects meth causes the body and mind. I hear this could last a year or as in more severe cases 3 years. I can’t bare the thought of that much time feeling like this. It’s 4:08 am I was asleep and had a using dream it felt so real that I woke up scared and in a panic. Anxiety kicked in but so did the cravings. I’m looking forward to talking and getting help and advice from the group I could really use it. I do go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and do have a support group but they can’t be with me all the time. So I’m giving this group a try in hopes I can get through this or learn how some of you have made your recovery successful. Glad I found this group I need to talk to people that understand the power and destructiveness of meth. It’s not easy and I know it won’t be but I’m not giving up inlove life and I’ve been gifted a second chance and I will not ruin this one I’m doing this for myself and for my kids and fiancée I have all the motivation and determination in the world.