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Discussion in 'Heroin' started by js50357p, May 13, 2018.

  1. js50357p

    js50357p Member

    Hi - I just need to vent.... and share my story. Maybe someone will understand and be able to offer support.. I don't know.

    Up until I was 21 years old, I had never touched a drug other than very little weed smoking at parties and on occasion. I never even liked to drink alcohol other than on occasion. I lived a very sober lifestyle. I struggled with depression and anxiety, but never took pills because I had other ways of coping. I was in a relationship and despite some really horrible things I experienced in my childhood, managed to deal with my depression and anxiety. Then after four years, my relationship ended. I was so betrayed and torn apart. It brought out the worst in me. I started taking a lot of xanax to numb the pain I felt and help me sleep. I also started partying more and doing cocaine occasionally. I was so heartbroken... I didn't know what to do. It was like an instant pain I felt and suddenly my depression worsened and things from my past that were manageable were suddenly more intense.

    I was desperate to find love and also get rid of the pain I felt from the guy I still wanted to be with. My heart was broken. One night, I met up with an old friend. We started hanging out a lot. He was always into drugs but he knew my limits. I would never touch anything hard. In my opinion at the time (heroin, crack, meth .. those were drugs I would never do and others). He agreed those drugs were terrible and that he would never do them. We hung out a lot. We did a lot of pills and cocaine. Eventually, I was tired of always being so awake on cocaine and the xanax just made me tired. He was always snorting oxys in front of me. He told me they were way better than xanax. I trusted him and did not want to always pass out the way xanax made me. So I started doing them. I honestly had no experience in drugs really and was super vulnerable. We ended up really falling in love. However 6 months into the relationship... my life really changed. He had a confession for me. He admitted to me that the whole time he was actually giving me heroin in the powder form (he doesn't inject) and that they weren't oxys. He told me he didn't realize how serious we were going to get and how sorry he was. He lied to me the entire time about never doing heroin and introduced me to something so fatal. I was so mad...

    The point is it's been about a year now. I am now addicted to heroin and I feel it getting worse. I do experience withdrawal when I try to stop. I need help but I cannot tell my family. I don't want it to get to the point where I start stealing, lying and doing even worse things to finance my disease and really lose myself. I am still able to function and "pretend" to others. How do I stop this from ruining my life???
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @js50357p hello. Do whatever it takes. You can try various paths to recovery. Na meetings, rehab, counseling. Educate yourself on addiction. Its going to take some work so just keep trying.

    You may wantto open up to someone... I am sorry you are going through this... just dont stop trying.... dont give up. There is treatment available....
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @js50357p... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with heroin addiction. I'm also sorry that you were misled by someone you trusted. That has to make your whole situation even worse.

    One question: Why can't you tell your family? Addiction is not some kind of moral failing. It's a disease. There's no reason to feel ashamed about your situation. You are not a bad person; you are a sick person. Do you think your family will think otherwise?

    Finding an addiction specialist would probably be a good thing for you to do. They could recommend the best next steps for you and help you make a recovery plan. You can find one by searching at the American Board of Addiction Medicine's website:

    Going to NA or SMART Recovery meetings would be good for you, too. It can be very comforting and helpful to be among others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling.

    Getting off heroin won't be easy, but if you commit to stopping and are willing to work hard at it, you can do it. And you definitely should do it, too. The longer you use, the tougher it's going to be to stop, so think about taking action now. Not tomorrow. Not a week from now. But right now.

    We will help and support you any way we can. Please come back and let us know how you're doing, okay? We care.

    Sending you love, light, hope, and encouragement.