Hi - I just need to vent.... and share my story. Maybe someone will understand and be able to offer support.. I don't know. Up until I was 21 years old, I had never touched a drug other than very little weed smoking at parties and on occasion. I never even liked to drink alcohol other than on occasion. I lived a very sober lifestyle. I struggled with depression and anxiety, but never took pills because I had other ways of coping. I was in a relationship and despite some really horrible things I experienced in my childhood, managed to deal with my depression and anxiety. Then after four years, my relationship ended. I was so betrayed and torn apart. It brought out the worst in me. I started taking a lot of xanax to numb the pain I felt and help me sleep. I also started partying more and doing cocaine occasionally. I was so heartbroken... I didn't know what to do. It was like an instant pain I felt and suddenly my depression worsened and things from my past that were manageable were suddenly more intense. I was desperate to find love and also get rid of the pain I felt from the guy I still wanted to be with. My heart was broken. One night, I met up with an old friend. We started hanging out a lot. He was always into drugs but he knew my limits. I would never touch anything hard. In my opinion at the time (heroin, crack, meth .. those were drugs I would never do and others). He agreed those drugs were terrible and that he would never do them. We hung out a lot. We did a lot of pills and cocaine. Eventually, I was tired of always being so awake on cocaine and the xanax just made me tired. He was always snorting oxys in front of me. He told me they were way better than xanax. I trusted him and did not want to always pass out the way xanax made me. So I started doing them. I honestly had no experience in drugs really and was super vulnerable. We ended up really falling in love. However 6 months into the relationship... my life really changed. He had a confession for me. He admitted to me that the whole time he was actually giving me heroin in the powder form (he doesn't inject) and that they weren't oxys. He told me he didn't realize how serious we were going to get and how sorry he was. He lied to me the entire time about never doing heroin and introduced me to something so fatal. I was so mad... The point is it's been about a year now. I am now addicted to heroin and I feel it getting worse. I do experience withdrawal when I try to stop. I need help but I cannot tell my family. I don't want it to get to the point where I start stealing, lying and doing even worse things to finance my disease and really lose myself. I am still able to function and "pretend" to others. How do I stop this from ruining my life???