I will never touch coke again. That has been easy for me to do, actually. I'll admit that I miss it so much, though. I miss the way it tastes and the way it made my face feel numb; I miss the way it tricked my brain into genuinely feeling the most happy and joyous and free I had ever felt in my life. It was such a sensory experience... making everything vibrant and gorgeous and irresistible. I miss how reckless it made me feel, like I was in complete control yet none at all. It was the rush of a lifetime. What I don't miss about it is the way it made me feel when I ran out. I would scan my floor for sometimes hours for remaining pieces I may not have seen. When the reality sank in that everything was gone and I couldn't get more, my brain took me to scary places. I would feel so much guilt and shame. I would completely shut out the world. This was one of the scariest times in my mother's life. Hell, mine too. Okay. Maybe I don't miss it that much after all. And this is why journaling is effective, friends! Have a magical day.