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Morning depression and guilt

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Krab22, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. Krab22

    Krab22 Member

    I stopped drinking about 5 months ago - joining AA and avoiding any and every situation which I know would trigger a desire to drink. Best decision of my life and I'm happier now than ever. What finally got me to stop though was when on the morning after being on a three day binge, I woke up with the most intense feeling of fear and worry about the fact that I had wasted such a large chunk of my life being drunk, achieving nothing in the process - going in reverse instead! I was also so intensely depressed I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. All I wanted to do was escape my head to get a way from the pain. It was the first time I could actually sympathize with people who hurt themselves - physical pain might help to escape the psychological pain I was feeling. I didn't go that far at least, and eventually I could calm myself down later in the day, but every now and then, I get similar feelings of guilt, sadness and regret for having been an alcoholic, and I feel smothered by these emotions.

    Does anyone have a similar experience? Have you found anything to help you get out of it quickly? Like I say, it's normally just in the mornings, and once the day gets going, my emotional turmoil subsides.
  2. henry

    henry Community Champion

    I think most of us drinkers have felt the way you do at some point, so don't beat yourself too much about it. If you already stopped drinking, then that's something to feel good about, not bad. And don't feel like you've been wasting your life. I believe the purpose of life is learning, and it seems that you're learning something very important right now.
    Krab22 likes this.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @Krab22! Thank you for sharing your story to us here. Well, I am really happy to know that you are now leading a much better and sober life. Kudos to you for a job well done. ;) Anyway, I guess the guilt or depression you have been feeling lately is all part of the emotional effect of recovery, but please, don't dwell too much in the past and regret about it. You must live in the present and look forward to the future. Best of luck! :)
    Krab22 likes this.
  4. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    Just find yourself something to give you a boost of endorphines in the morning. Try to do some workout, go out for a run of 20 minutes or so, that will boost the endorphines in your brain, you will feel much happier and probably you won't feel anything else that the feeling of accomplishment because you quit.
    Krab22 likes this.
  5. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @Krab22! I used to feel that way before. I was also a heavy alcoholic drinker and my main reason for drinking was to release my inner pains and the loneliness I felt inside me. I would usually drink and cry my heart out. Then one day, as if fate has come knocking on my door, I finally woke up thinking about my life and how I was wasting it out with alcohol. I realized I didn't want to stay that way forever and that there are far greater things waiting for me out there. I began to pull myself out of my self-pity and misery and focused on my career and the opportunities that came to me. That's when everything started working out right for me. I finally met the person who now became my husband and the arrival of our son even made me lift myself higher from the dark days I had before.

    I know you can also find your drive and inspiration someday. Just don't give up on your fight and try focusing on your life and your future. If you say your depression only heightens in the morning, then make the rest of your day the best you could ever have and end it with a peaceful heart. If you end your day with content and happiness, your morning will eventually turn bright and full of energy too. It's hard but if you have the will to fight off your cravings, you can definitely pull it through.

    I wish you all the best and I'll be hoping for your recovery soon. Have a great day ahead!
    Krab22 likes this.
  6. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    There is another fact to keep in mind; we have a biological clock that works better at some hours of the day than others, what makes some people feel terrible bad and slow early in the morning but improving the way they feel as twilight approaches.

    Addictions contribute to modify the biological clock or to worsen already existing sensation like the one @Krab22 mentions. Happened to me when I was addicted to alcohol, and many times my only solution to overcome such sensation was depriving me from sleeping.

    By not sleeping, I could control the sensation but at the cost of feeling tired the rest of the day due to lack of rest and sleep, so I had to learn to leave with such sensation by forcing me to work late at night and wake up not early than noon.

    Even though, and after starting my road to recovery, the "clock" adjusted by itself and I began to leave behind such sensation without doing nothing but stay loyal to be sober.
    Krab22 and Rainman like this.
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    The depression has much to do with a change to your biological clock as MDP points out. To fight the depression you need to reset or stabilize that biological clock. Sleep at the same time each day, eat your meals at the same time every day, exercise at the same time every day. Create a routine [get into it] and stick with it. You'll notice in time that the depression will be receding further and further from you.
    Krab22 likes this.
  8. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think most ex drinkers will have to come to terms with that side of their emotions and feelings before they can start to move on.

    I know it's easy to say, but for me I had to make sure I didn't dwell on the past and solely focus on where I wanted to be, and where I wanted to go in the future. There's nothing you can do about the past and what you've done, but you can certainly change your future.
    Krab22 likes this.
  9. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    I've never been an alcoholic, neither have I been much of a drinker. I've met many alcoholics during my life and I've got a pretty good idea what they are going through on a daily basis. One guy I met a few years ago had a fairly novel way to deal with what you're experiencing now. He would always get himself a nice hot meat pie from the bakery every morning. He said that this made him feel good, especially during his recovery process.
    Krab22 likes this.
  10. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I think what a lot of people don't realize when they start drinking is that alcohol is a downer, not an upper. So, sooner or latter it is bound to make you feel depressed if you have too much of. However, when you are an alcoholic in recovery I think a lot of factors can at into the depression, particularly the reasons why you started drinking in the first place. Those things have not dissapeared, they have only been temporarily forgotten thanks to the alcohol.
    Krab22 likes this.
  11. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I wonder if comfort food is the best solution. Isn't it a replacement that could lead to an eating disorder? It's important to be able to learn tolerance without the aid of any other substance. However, I suppose the lesser of the two evils is a good start.
    Krab22 likes this.
  12. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I use to get those all the time. The guilt sets in and I would hide in my room for a few days or weeks before facing anyone, hoping that they would of forgotten my drunken misbehavings. The best way to counter that is to first recognize you have a problem, and it's either you stop yourself from getting that drunk by limitation, or you just quit all together.
    Krab22 likes this.
  13. Krab22

    Krab22 Member

    :) Sounds like a good, easy way to get over the morning slump, and I love meat pies too! But I think, as Juno pointed out, one might become addicted to the pies then. But it's better than booze, and if it helps to get out of the depression quicker and move on with the day, it might be worth it. I'll try this on some of my worst days and see how it goes.
  14. Krab22

    Krab22 Member

    I used to do the exact same thing - I wouldn't answer phone calls or messages, and if someone knocked on my door, I'd pretend I wasn't there. Quitting was my only option. I found if I started drinking, I would actually get agitated and annoyed if I couldn't get completely drunk. This "all-or-nothing" mentality, I have heard, is the trademark of alcoholics. But, interestingly, I have also heard of previous alcoholics actually being able to go back to moderate drinking and limiting themselves from going overboard. I would rather not risk it at this fairly early stage of my recovery though.
  15. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    You need some simple physical things. If you do them no matter how annoying they seem, you will feel better once you get into it. First clean up your environment, home and so forth. Walk every day for an hour. Don't stare at the ground. Look at the trees and sky. Your surroundings. Vitamin B1 100 mg 2 times a day. 1,000 mg of vitamin C. These will lift your mood. A half a gallon to a gallon and a half of water a day. One gallon of water will make you feel amazing if you keep it up.
    Lots of raw foods will give you unbelievable amounts of happiness if you eat those mostly. Lowering or eliminating breads, gluten, and dairy. Gluten messes with your digestive tract and your brain.
    It takes only a day or two for this all to take effect. Keep it up as long as you can and notice what happens if you slip up. This should make you want to do it.
    If you have the time and energy. Jog for 20 minutes a day. If you really want to pump it up build up to several hours. Maybe even 5-7 hours a day. Sounds excessive but you will be a different person. Superman or Wonderwoman will emerge. So get down and give me 20. Lol
  16. michaelrydell

    michaelrydell Member

    This is a wonderful post and great advice. Exercise, hydration, healthy eating and supplements sounds like a good routine to battle these issues. I seem to do well with a B Complex along with a little bit of extra Vitamin B1, and Vitamin C, definitely. I am also thinking about what you said about bread and gluten.

    I think the line "don't stare at the ground, look at the trees and the sky" seems like something small, but after thinking about it, I can relate to how very important this is! Changing your outlook one positive decision at a time. Thanks for such a compassionate, sensible post. It made my day.
  17. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    Morning after depression is very common after a hard night of drinking. In the past, this is often when I would get into a lot of trouble with others - being short fused and snapping at people and not being myself otherwise. It's one thing if you are a frequent and heavy drinker to try and avoid others while you are drunk to kind of hide your habit, but you need to be equally careful about your behavior the following day even if you feel completely sober at that point. It really helps to become more aware that however depressed you are feeling, that's the alcohol talking, and things aren't really as bad as they seem. Its the time when you particularly need to bite your tongue and try not to let the littlest things get to you, because others will notice.