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My Best friend is Gone & Never Coming Back

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Aithlym, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. Aithlym

    Aithlym Member

    My husband has been struggling with an addiction to Meth for years. In the past months, I set out for a last stand. During the battle to save my best friend, I tried being the perfect wife and then had to start controlling the finances, because he started blowing money again with no account for where it went. After dealing with constant lies, manipulation, financial devastation, infedility, and verbal/ physical abuse. A phone conversation ended everything. I no longer had the will to fight. The man I loved years ago was gone and never coming back. Now I am grieving my loss to a man that as died inside and on the way to total self destruction. My life has been wrecked in the process and I don' know where to go from here. I just need support to make it through this year.
    Disney likes this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Are you absolutely certain?
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Aithlym hello and welcome. i'm sorry you're going through this... i'm sure it is heart breaking. yes, find a support system that works for you. maybe a therapist, support group, and here...

    you will grieve for a while, and i do hope your husband will start to make some changes. but right now, focus on you and healing yourself...emotionally. some great books to read too on the topic... each day, reminding yourself that you are worthy...that you deserve a good life that feels safe, and practice self-love.

    do you have any friends or family members to talk to to or feel supported by them?
    True concern likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Aithlym I'm sorry for such a short response the other day,there was a minor issue with the site and i was uncomfortable going into further detail.I'm going to just wing it here because i am the husband you speak of(not yours)but I was infact exactly what you're husband has turned into minus the physical abuse,although I did get violent i just could never hit a woman but i did attack other's who i felt had it coming and honestly it was just the emptiness i felt inside,there was a period of my life i wanted to be dead and i never truly tried to take my own life but i pushed my use in ways i thought i would never survive and infact i had been pronounced dead before but i believe with all my heart the Lord said not yet and wouldn't let me leave.When i ended my meth use it was very unique and i can only say the lord spoke to me and through me and it may sound odd or hallucinated but after being awake beyond 2 week's with paranoia so intense i refused to shower because i thought i would be caught off guard in a vulnerable situation i would just do like sink baths making sure to only remove one shoe at a time so if i had to fight for my life i could and now i kbow where that comes from and i won't get into it here but it involves abuse as a child.On day 15 i shot a sixteenth and my mind wanted to act in a way my soul would not allow and i dropped to my knees and started praying.I repented my sins and asked god to guide me and for some reason i felt i needed to repent the influence of Satan himself and i did.Instantly i felt a wave of difference i can not explain,i was sober feeling no high from the dope i walked into my family got everyone's attention and spoke for 30 minutes or so and can't really remember what i said but afterwards my family looked at me and said how do you know all of that?To which i replied what.My mom broke down and said i have only prayed in private to questions you just answered and she cried like a baby and said you have been touched by the lord,you will lead this family in to heaven.This comment still boggles me because im not truly sure what i said.After that I went with her to the grocery store with a calm I've never felt after 15 day's without sleep.I did thing's i had never in my life done on that day.I helped several elderly people load their groceries and other thing's and everytime i did my mom started crying and i was simply confused,my selfishness,anger,rage,hate it was all gone....Your husband is not gone,he is consumed.For 15 years my wife put up with some wild antics and now sober on year 18 seperated for3 i am reconnecting with my best friend and the love of my life but it is slow going as trust was broken for so many year's and i have to accept that and i do.My wife has done exactly as @Dominica recommended for you and your going to have to do the same.If there is a will there is away.He has to hit his rock bottom and all you can do is hope and pray he lives through it,but the man on the phone was not your husband it was the dope.Stay Strong and God Bless Take Care
  5. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Aithlym... Take this time to practice some radical self-care. You deserve it. And you are the only person you have complete control over.

    Sending you love, light, hope, and strength.
    True concern likes this.